It’s Hard Being Hard on Myself, Week Twenty in the No Longer New Abnormal

In thinking about what to write this week I wondered if I should write about Mother’s Day.  But I decided that rather than writing more on the day that brings up so much for so many, I’ll limit my input by briefly folding it into the self-care tips, Then there have been amazing pictures online of the rare Aurelia Borealis.  Though I didn’t witness it myself, those who captured the colorful wonder have posted images that defy words.  What I’ve settled on is to say that when I reread my book a couple of months ago, In the Time of Coronavirus, for the last look before submitting it for publication, I became very uset.  I thought, “Who do I think I am?’ and “what could I have been thinking?” and, “This is bad. I’m so embarrassed!”  I have a long history of berating myself.  At that moment I questioned my writing, and my hubris for thinking I could put a book out into the world.  

I very down on myself.  But I had gotten so far and I decided to give the final go-ahead, knowing I’d have to with all my feelings.  It had been a dream of mine to be an author, and it was okay if this was my first, if flawed, book.  I had learned a lot and I still have a lot to learn, so this would be a dream come true, even if there were things that upset me.  

Once it was in pre-publication, the publishing date is June 4th, a few early reviews came in.  They were very positive.  The reviewers didn’t know me, nor did they have any incentive to write nice things about the book.  Once I read a couple, I realized how hard I had been on myself, and, in turn, the book.  Maybe I was simply wrong.  Or I had unreasonable expectations.  Not a rare trait.  Just ask my family.  I am grateful that others have been able to appreciate what I couldn’t.  Though I know it’s probable that there will be mixed reviews, depending on the reader, it’s nice to know it will find its audience, and that is just fine.  

Here are a few quotes from the reviews:  

From Kirkus:

 “Zinn writes in an unadorned style that feels both accessible and intimate. She discusses her subjects with gentle authority while making no claims to having all the answers.”

And:

“A pandemic remembrance that succeeds as both memoir and self-help guide.”

From the Book Commentary:  

“In her poignant collection of reflections and self-care strategies, In the Time of Coronavirus, Janet Zinn examines the tumultuous landscape of the pandemic with grace and wisdom.”

And:

“This book might be about coping with the COVID-19 pandemic, but its wisdom is timeless, a message to accompany and inspire readers through any difficult moment.” 

From The Feathered Quill:  

“With its intimacy centering on Zinn’s experiences and its universality deftly depicted to reach the hearts and minds of others, her book is sure to fulfill the purpose she envisioned.”

And: 

“ Janet Zinn’s self-help manual, In the Time of Coronavirus, offers an empathic, week-by-week view of the effects of coronavirus restrictions that will be read and appreciated by anyone seeking to solve a large variety of life’s problems.”

Though I was harsh with no clear perspective, I am open to the fact that my opinion in that dark place was purely subjective.  I’m hopeful that other readers will find In the Time of Coronavirus useful and supportive when life’s difficulties emerge.  In the end, my first book served its author when I was being too tough on myself.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Do what you can to reparent yourself.  If your mother or caregiver was kind and accepting, you can replicate that care towards yourself.  If your primary caregiver or parent was not someone who matched your needs, then find a way to be compassionate towards yourself for what you didn’t receive but can now give to yourself.  
  • Another way to reparent yourself is to notice when you are being critical of yourself and ask “what can I do to be more accepting of what I’m going through?” And, “can I give myself something that might support me through this?”
  • Gift yourself a future copy of  In the Time of Coronavirus.   You can go to https://janetzinn.com or go to Amazon, Barnes and Noble, request it from your local library, or from an independent bookstore or book seller. 

12 thoughts on “It’s Hard Being Hard on Myself, Week Twenty in the No Longer New Abnormal

  1. Hi Janet such amazing advice for self-parenting and self-care what a treasure your blog is, I am so glad I found you. Your book sounds amazing too and I am glad you got these great reviews

    • Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post and to reply. I so appreciate that. How amazing that you have the qualities that have allowed for self-parenting, especially when, as a child, nothing would have been more valuable than to have been lovingly parented.

      I, too, am grateful for your posts. Thank you again.

      • Thank you Janet, it took me a long time you know…just reading a lot of books a lot of trial and error its not perfect but I have an amazing partner who is my best friend who has helped me so much to get over all that thank you

  2. I had to parent myself as a child and a teenager but I’ve got better and better at doing it as an adult but sometimes I feel hugely sad that it was this way for me but just try and stay positive…your advice helps me

  3. I read your book after I found your blog. A friend had purchased it and lent it to me. You made me feel, with your self-care tips, that I was given a mother’s love for the first time in my seventy years. For that alone I thank you. I have recommended your book to everyone I know.

    • Thank you so much, Suze. Your generosity of spirit is a gift that ripples with unlimited bounty. I am also grateful for your posts, so intimate, honest, and touching. Also, thrilled that you have accomplished your bucket list. And happy to hear you are not hauling a new bucket around.

  4. Your words will help so many people, Janet. They’ve helped me! And also, you’ve been a writer for a long time. Congrats on all of the years of writing — behind you and ahead of you!!!

  5. Amazing blog post Janet. I just read the about page of this website and you are a Mother and a Writer, so I would like to say “Happy Mother’s Day”

    Also, I like the way you describe yourself, the thoughts you had and I am glad that as you wrote your book and submitted the Manuscript for publication, a few reviews came flooding in. This just shows that when you believe in yourself, anything can occur and please don’t be hard on yourself. All Writers get jittery and nervous before sending their work. As for me, last year, I sent a manuscript to the team at Genius Words and they liked it, they edited and created a book cover for me, the book is called “GENTLEMEN” since I am into men’s fashion and style and I write mostly about this niche, you can Google my name “Men’s Fashion Blogger Mthobisi” on Google and you will see what I am talking about.

    Have a great Monday Janet💯🙏
    Stay blessed

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