Optical Illusion, The Thirtieth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal

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I was out for an early walk to beat the heat.  Ahead of me I could see a large pile of dog excrement, and my mind went on a rampage.   I got angry at the unknown dog walker or owner who was selfish at best, and a menace to our neighborhood, as far as I was concerned.  I righteously congratulated myself on my dog etiquette and my thoughtfulness in always making sure I have enough bags and I clean up after Lucy.  I railed at the many dog owners in the city who don’t think of others, which then got me on a mental rant about those who let their dogs go leashless in the parks and on the sidewalks.  I had really worked myself up by the time I passed what I thought was poop but turned out to be an errant dark sock.  

My condemnation of others and the easy assumption of others’ guilt based on an unsubstantiated conjecture was fascinating to me.  How had I become so judgmental so quickly?  What has happened that I assume the worst in others rather than think the best of them?  I know there have been times when I was misunderstood, and the worst was thought of me.  It is not a good feeling.  So, why am I making that same mistake?  

I seem to have selective grace for others.  I judge those I don’t know.  Or I make fast determinations when I’m uncomfortable with my own thoughts and feelings.  Sure, I, like most New Yorkers do not take kindly to those who don’t pick up after their dogs.  But not liking something as opposed to working myself up into a tither are very different sets of circumstances.  

When I get upset that quickly about perceived slights, then I know I need to take a step back to assess what might really be upsetting me.  And, if I find there’s nothing in particular that’s distressing, then I know I may be tired, hungry, or burnt out.  Luckily, I had the rest of my walk to discover what was underneath my rant.  And, even more fortuitous, I was able to get a nap in so that I didn’t spend the remainder of the day tied up in knots.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • When you get agitated quickly, take a breath, and check in with yourself to see if there is an unmet need, such as nourishment, more sleep, down time, connection, or anything else.  Have compassion for yourself, no matter your previous reaction, and see if it’s possible to provide what is needed.  
  • Check out Tony Bennett on YouTube, whether it’s his classics or the many duets he sang.  The videos can be mood changers.
  • Make someone’s day.  Thank those who you encounter during regular daily business hours and beyond.  Give thanks to cashiers, sanitation workers, postal workers, anyone who is kind enough to hold a door, caregivers of others, wait staff, and whoever you see providing a service.  

The Compassion Diet, Week Fifty-Two in the New Abnormal

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Should we end this year and start the new year with resolutions?  For me, the answer is no.  I will think of what I’d like to let go of, and how I will be caring to myself and others, but there is no declaration in that.  What I have been thinking about as I view commercials and advertisements enticing us to try new weight loss pills and programs is the mixed up past I, and so many of us, have had with messaging around food, eating, and the lack of joy in caring for ourselves.  In the spirit of that, I am thinking of a diet of compassion.  Not a food diet, but nourishment, nonetheless.  

When looking up the word diet, I found the restriction in its definition.  But I also found that the origin of the word “diet” comes from the Greek word “diata” meaning “way of life.”  I like that.  We can incorporate compassion as a way of life.  It’s a wonderful concept because it addresses all aspects of our lives.  And, on this diet of compassion, we could bring compassion at any moment.  If we find we’re being hard on ourselves, we can notice that.  Then we can fold in compassion as a way of care as we go through something difficult.  

Compassion connotes respect.  It is a way of acknowledging ourselves and others that we recognize something may be difficult.  We see that we and/or they are in pain, and we take a caring stance.  It does not mean allowing a hurtful behavior to continue.  But we can appreciate that whether we are being insensitive to ourselves or others, it probably means we are hurting, and our behavior can clue us in on that.  Once we make note of that we can insert a generous dose of compassion.  It may take time and the courage of vulnerability, but we will emotionally soften with the effort.  And when others are mean, rude, disrespectful, or uncaring, we can do our best to choose to get out of harm’s way. If possible, as we exercise silent compassion for the pain they are in.  We can also, double down on compassion for ourselves for being in harm’s way.  

So, as we finish this difficult year off, and as we begin what we hope will be a gentler year, let’s all enjoy a diet of compassion.  No deprivation, just love and respect.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Create a jar or a box or a journal in which you write down good times, happy experiences, and joyous moments.  Then, you have a record of those times at the end of 2023.  (This was taken from The New York Times’ where it was reported Martha Johnson of Maryland Heights, Mo., had the idea to create a jar labeled “Good Stuff in 2022. 
  • Keep an old-fashioned pen and pad by your bed so if you wake up and think of something, or forgot something, you can write it down, allowing you to return to sleep without any blue light.  
  • Move one thing from your to-do list to the “I’ll try to-do list.”  This way you can ease into it, and give yourself a break, rather than forcing something that only makes you feel critical of yourself.  Of course, whether you can move it or not, whether you get it done, or not, be compassionate with yourself.  That, too, will be a kindness.  

City Blooms, Week Seventeen in the New Abnormal

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A three-minute walk from our apartment stands a small lone cherry blossom tree.  It’s located behind a dull brick building.    On this seemingly empty city block the tree feels like a sign of hope.  Hope that beauty can hold up in the face of asphalt and concrete.    

As I walked on, I saw so many volunteers planting bulbs, clearing paths, and cleaning up both Carl Shurz and Central Parks.  There is a friendly buzz among the volunteers as they give of their time and dedication to bring natural beauty to our city.  

I am so grateful for the rare flowering tree on the curb side of the sidewalk.  And how enchanting it is to walk through the parks and gardens that provide an abundance of natural splendor.   The garden boxes on windows and the landscapes of certain buildings also provide color to our lives.  

The city in springtime is a panoply of beauty, we just have to look to take in these delightful seasonal palates.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • When outside, see if you can find and focus on new blooms.  Notice how it feels to purposely take notice of what may have been background previously.
  • Bring flowers into your home.  Do you like potted flowers or cut, or both?  Where do you like to put them?  
  • Find inspiration from this season.  What might you enjoy now that’s different from other times of the year?    

On Repeat, Week Sixteen in the New Abnormal

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Life isn’t linear.  I had always hoped I’d solve what I considered to be my problems, and then live a quality life.  The truth is that we revisit issues time and time again.  Even when we think we’ve beat it, it will show up unexpectedly.  Perhaps it’s why the movie Groundhog’s Day resonates for so many of us.  

We are trained early to think that we’ve failed if we have to repeat lessons.  In school if we fail a grade, it must be repeated.   We are not taught that relearning is nothing shameful.  It would be much more helpful should we be told that repeating grades can be as useful as moving ahead.  Can we learn that somethings bear repeating?  

I have a difficult time learning steps.  Dance classes did not come easily.  I much prefer workouts that don’t include dancing.  Yet, I love dancing on my own, when I can move my body to the music.  In some cases, not on the beat, but with the mood rather than the tempo, I feel joyous.  That joy is robbed when specific steps are introduced.  I go into my head and my physical attunement goes out the door.  

That doesn’t stop me from trying to learn.  Luckily at this age I can laugh at my difficulties, at least as far as dancing is concerned. Of course, there are other lessons that I continue to struggle with, even if I understand what might help make it easier.  

I put together a Seder for our small family.  I didn’t over prepare.  And I kept telling myself that I should write a list.  I never did.  I had forgotten to open the horseradish, which I then couldn’t find.  I looked everywhere in the refrigerator.  Larry kindly volunteered to go out and get a new jar.  He had to walk a few blocks since we don’t live close to a food store.  This all happened when we were about to begin our short Seder.  During clean-up we found the horseradish on the counter where I left it to open it before the meal.  Also, the spinach remained in the oven forgetting that, too.  

It all worked out. We enjoyed the spinach yesterday.  But I know myself. Through the years I’ve come to find that I am well-served keeping lists.  Yet I refused to create one for Passover.  The forgotten foods were a needed reminder that lists help me.  

I will continue to face issues, big and small, that seemingly repeat again and again.  While I used to berate myself for what I could or “should” know., now I am grateful that I can learn from ostensibly familiar mistakes. It may seem like the same old issue, but it is new in this never lived before time and space.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Try something that might seem difficult for you.  See how it feels.  Follow it by something that seems easy, and compare the sensations you experience, and the emotional response to what comes easy as opposed to what is more challenging. 
  • Keep lists if you like.  They are a terrific tool.  It feels gratifying to cross thigs off your list as you complete them

When faced with a familiar life lesson, keep it in the present.  In the same way you have never breathed that breath before, see if you can be in the moment with something that tends to take your mind into the past.  Notice what is new or different in this 

Two Years of a Coronavirus World, Week Eleven of the New Abnormal

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We just hit the two-year anniversary when our lives changed in unimaginable ways. At least most of us never imagined this.  Although I had plenty of professional experience doing trauma work, that usually meant implementing tools to get through a time-limited traumatic event.  We could count on the passage of time to dull the immediate impact of the trauma.  This was much different.  We had to live through uncertainty and constant change while continuing to navigate other, more personal hardships. 

We found out we are resilient.  We faced our vulnerabilities.  There was acting out.  And there were multitudes of kindnesses.  Relationships were under a microscope. We lost friends and disconnected with family members.   New friendships were forged.  Old friendships were rekindled.  More often than not, differences were highlighted.  We experienced division.  For some heartier individuals we worked through differences to find connection.  In other cases, it was apparent hard work would not bridge the divide.  

As for me, I am tired and grateful.  The last two years wore me down.  I also found unexpected gifts through walking, conversations, posts, and streaming.  Life feels more precious, if also more tenuous.  Spending less time with distractions it’s easy for me to see areas in need of growth.  I can also better recognize a well-honed habit of self-criticism.  I had thought I was further along on my spiritual journey.  I was arrogant enough to think I actually knew what that looked like.  But I am here, now, and it looks like this.  Thank you for your part in accompanying me in this journey. I also appreciate you welcoming me on your journey.  For my part, I couldn’t have done this alone.  

Self-Care Tips

  • Be sure to thank those who have supported you.  We all appreciate being thanked.  
  • Smile when you feel inclined.  We have missed smiles with masks on.  And, if you are wearing a mask, smile.  Remember, a true smile is in the eyes.  Let that warmth melt someone else’s pain.  
  • Review what lessons you’ve learned or how you’ve grown in the past two years.  It’s important to acknowledge what you’ve been through.  

The Winter of Our Discontent, Week Seven in the New Abnormal

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 The weather these past few days lightened our moods.  With colder temperatures and snow today we may slip back to a shared discontentment.  A week ago the general agitation was palpable.  Wide-ranging reactivity was pronounced.  Small misunderstandings caused friction.  And this was among strangers.  Relationships have been strained.  Most are not able to keep up with inflation. Families are under-resourced, overly tired, and living with ongoing exasperation.  Those who live on their own have bouts of loneliness, especially because the difficulty in getting together with others while Omicron was at its height kept socializing at bay.

Distress seems to be the mood of the moment.  It’s been tiresome to put plans on hold again and again.  Reactivity is at an all-time high.  Patience is worn thin.  Frustration and annoyance are way too common.  So many are at their wit’s end trying to figure out a way ahead.  

For a good number there is a relief that the mask mandates have loosened.  For others it adds a new layer of fear. There’s the fantasy that we’ll get back to normal.  But we are not going back in many ways.  Whatever is ahead of us remains to be seen. And that can be scary.  

Though it may take a good amount of time to recover physically and emotionally from all we lost these last couple of years, we can find pockets of hope and joy in the present.  Yesterday I was helped by a thoughtful salesperson at a hardware store.  In a time when customer tolerance is more prevalent than customer service, his assistance brightened my day.  Smiles from strangers have taken on a new worth.  And the unexpected generosity of friends has been priceless.  I will be taking in any and all acts of kindness Now more than ever those moments provide the light that moves us forward.  

Self-Care Tips: 

  • Rub your hands together until you create heat, then gently place them on your eyes.  This can provide a soothing moment. 
  • Sing yourself a lullaby at night to lovingly put yourself to sleep.  
  • Try a new toothpaste.  It will help awaken you in the morning since it’s an unfamiliar flavor.  

So Long 2021, Week 35 in the Time of Transition

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2021 was so, so long.  In this last week I have little interest in reviewing this past year.  The fact that I, that we, got through it is good enough for me.  

The good news is that not looking back, at least for now, keeps me in the moment.  My quandary is whether I‘ve chosen mindfulness or denial. If I choose mindfulness, then there’s space for my denial. If I go with a state of denial, then who cares?  I will not decide.  I will opt for a “both/and” rather than an “either/or” scenario.  

The effort that goes into a binary dilemma is too great.  We spend so much attention making an argument for our point of view.  The more I defend a specific position I take, the less likely I am to learn something new.  

So long, 2021.  I will not miss you.  I appreciate much from this past year.  Larry and I moved to a nicer home.  We didn’t know we could do it, yet here we are. I continue to enjoy a hybrid private practice, in-person and virtually.  365 sunrises and sunsets made for beautiful light.  Being in touch with friends and family, when possible, brought love and laughter.  Reading new essays, books, and articles enriched me.  Not finishing books, no matter how highly praised by critics, was pure relief.  And daily walks always expanded my vision.  For those and many other gifts I am grateful.  

However, having to reach to our depths to get through a full year of the pandemic unnerved most of us. Our tempers were shorter, our patience wanting. We are at the final stretch.  It’s less than a week until we ring in the new year.   For me it will be less of a new beginning than it will be a step forward.  Another step into the unknown.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Take the pressure off New Year’s Eve or New Year’s Day.  If you have plans have fun and stay safe.  If you don’t have plans, enjoy the simplicity of staying in.  
  • Rather than making New Year’s resolutions, think of what you might like to let go of.  
  • Regift.  If what you received isn’t for you for any reason, find those around you who would appreciate it.  Or donate.  Either way, it’s a win-win.  

Generosity of Spirit, Week 34 in the Time of Transition

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I always thought I was a generous person.  Then I got married and I came to realize that I was only generous in certain circumstances.  If something was my idea, great, I was happy to offer services, a gift, or lend an ear.  However, if asked, I found I could be withholding.  Somehow I felt being asked for something implied I was stingy.  And I was.  Sometimes I still am.  Apparently a generous heart is not a one way endeavor. 

I started to notice that “no” was my immediate response when asked for something.  I had to learn to pause to see why.  I didn’t like this stingy quality and wanted to do better. What I found was that I had often volunteered or ignored my needs to give in ways that more often than not were a sacrifice.  I ignored my own needs to unconsciously gain acceptance from others.  Once I stopped giving in those instances I had more room to give of myself at other times.    I felt less resentful, less parsimonious.

Holidays often highlight our generosity or lack thereof.  If we’re motivated by a giving heart, we will feel the joy of the season.  If we receive with a generous spirit, we take in so much more than the gift at hand.  And, yet we’ve been through a lot.  Having foregone so much, with more closures happening at present, we might feel particularly challenged to access our generous spirit.  

As we traverse the Omicron variant surge, let’s do our best to open our hearts to one another.  We’re in for a bumpy ride.  I’m going to do my best in finding the humanity for those who make me bristle.  I will be testing myself.  Do I have the grace to live and let live?  Or will I be judging others?  Seething through a tight jaw.  

I don’t know what will show up when I’m stressed or down.  But I’ll use my reactions as measures of what I might need in terms of grace.  And, then I’ll do what I can to have patience as I move through the end of this difficult year into a new year in which living in the spirit of generosity will serve me more than holding on.  

As we open ourselves up to the many gifts in life, may we all benefit from the act of giving and receiving.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Send thank you notes.  It means so much to those who give to us to know that the gift was received in the spirit of generosity
  • Stay within your budget.  It can feel challenging to not overspend.  Remember that an act of love can mean so much more than a boxed gift paid on credit.  
  • Regift to places that accept new items for those who might have lost so much.  Some places you might consider are domestic abuse shelters, tornado victims, emergency immigrant centers. 

Funny Thing About Gratitude, Week 26 in the Time of Transition

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I find it incredibly annoying when I’m upset about a person, place, or thing, I’m on a rant, and the individual listening responds by telling me I should be grateful.  It feels like a dismissal of my complaint, valid or not, and a recommendation that I pivot to a “soft music inserted here” blissful moment when I see how lovely life is and how wrong I was to find the awful in this grand world we inhabit.  

I see the benefits of complaining.  I find it helps me to release my frustration, as well as other unpleasant emotions, so that I can find that blissful place on my own.  I am all for being inspired, but I am not a fan of skipping the messy parts so that I make it easier for someone else.  

Conversely, in moments of awe and wonder I enjoy the wave of gratitude that envelops me.  And, in times when I experience hardship and my family, friends, acquaintances and/or strangers offer their support, I am forever grateful.  Kindness is taken in and helps me to grow.  My heart softens.  

When I listen to award shows, I feel badly for the winners who only want to share their special moment by acknowledging the countless others who allowed them to reach that stage, but the orchestra music plays to interrupt them.  Though I won’t name names here, only because I am apt to miss some, I am forever grateful to my relatives, friends, teachers, mentors, therapists, co-workers, colleagues, classmates, and others who have shared their thoughtfulness.  It has inspired me.  Their acts of kindnesses have been invaluable whether they remember them or not.  

So, if for a short time I complain, it is only so that I can unload on my own terms, allowing me to get back to a place in which I am genuinely grateful for all the times I’ve been the recipient of your and others’ generosity of heart.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Find a person to whom you can share your complaints.  In the absence of a neutral listener, write down your complaints so they are not swimming in circles in your brain.  
  • Remember times in which you were the recipient of arbitrary kindness.  Check in with how it feels to recollect that time.  
  • Write a thank you note.  We have lost that art, and they are so appreciated.  

Getting Away, Week 23 in the Time of Coronavirus

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Sometimes we just need to get away.  It helps to clear our heads and take a break from day-to-day stress.  That’s exactly what we did this weekend. It’s been a long time coming.  I booked this trip before the pandemic shut down our world.  I rebooked three times in the hope that quarantines were a temporary inconvenience.  In the end we had to wait until the Canadian borders opened up for the fully vaccinated. 

I was nervous to take my first big trip out of the country.  But I also wanted a proper vacation.  It felt like I needed a proper vacation.  So here we are in Quebec City fully enjoying the hospitality and food that is offered with care.  

The joy of walking unfamiliar streets and seeing the colors change on the trees has proven to be just the break I needed.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Take a break.  If you can’t get away, give yourself quick moments throughout the day when you take 5 deep breaths for a short pause.
  • Start taking note of the colors changing on the trees.  What colors do you like the most?  Which trees look as if they’re ablaze?  Enjoy he richness of the season.  
  • Savor the natural foods of the season.  Whether you like all things pumpkin, or you’re an apple fan, the flavors of fall offer so much.  

Singing in the Park, Week 21 in the Time of Transition

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As a young child I delighted in our Magnavox HiFi.  I would sit on the scratchy green wool sofa in our den while listening to Rosemary Clooney.  Her album, Rosemary Clooney Sings for Children with its pink background was a clear favorite.  I loved the track, Betsy, My Paper Doll, because I was the lucky recipient of the Betsy McCall paper dolls hidden in the pages of my mother’s McCall’s Magazine.  The other song that spoke to me was The Little Shoemaker because my father was in the shoe business.  At six, it felt like Rosemary Clooney was singing to me personally.  I hadn’t realized Rosemary Clooney was an icon until years later when I watched her sing with Bing Crosby in White Christmas on the Sunday Million Dollar Movie. 

Recently I was reminded of that album while walking in Central and Carl Shurz Parks in this time of transition.  On the grass are one- and two year-olds in a safely distanced semi-circle with their caregivers listening to Broadway level singers shaking egg instruments and leading the children in song.  They are singing their hearts out to their young audiences who may or may not be singing along.  Each performer grateful for any gig as theater crawls back from being dark.  

How fortunate I was to have enjoyed the musical styling of a great songstress.  And, how lucky these toddlers are to meet up with some of the best singers from around the country. It’s not clear if it’s simply a part of their activity schedule or if the family values the influence of music in our lives.  Either way, I appreciate walking past them remembering the simple touch of my mother’s hand when placing the needle gently on the spinning album even when I asked to hear it again and again. 

In addition to Rosemary Clooney, I heard Lena Horne, Harry Belafonte, Ray Charles, Bobby Darin, Julie Andrews, Judy Garland, and many more who allude my memory, crooning through our oak HiFi.  On Sundays we listened to opera on the classical radio station.  That’s when my grandparents visited. We all sat quietly on the same itchy green sofa or love seat.  If we couldn’t be quiet, we had to go play in the basement.  I favored Puccini and Mozart.  The songs felt pretty to me.  But not having an album cover to attempt to read was a limitation that had me go to the basement after an aria or two.  

I’m not listening to enough music these days.  It’s time to open-up iTunes and delight in Rosemary Clooney and friends.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Play music you used to enjoy.  Take in the memories and notice how the songs and music impact you now
  • Take a walk and see what associations you conjure.  What recollections come to mind?
  • Create new memories by sharing music with someone you respect.  If possible, listen together.  If you can’t, you can enjoy the association with the music. 

Letting Go in 2025, Week Fifty-Two in the No Longer New Abnormal

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I don’t know what 2025 has in store for us, but I do know that I am doing my best to let things go so I have the mental space to enjoy what good comes our way, and to endure what hardships might present themselves.  I think of letting go as a lifestyle edit.  However, I don’t have a great track record of editing my own stuff.  I give things away and quickly fill the void.  I attempt to open up time in my schedule only to return to my busy norm.  I believe in second and seventeenth chances, so I am cleaning out my drawers and closets, as best I can. I am limiting my activity to events that bring me pure joy.  Letting go is more a state of being than the action it takes to unload.  

In the service of letting go, I will be shifting when and how I post on this blog.  It may not be weekly, unless I’m so inclined.  I am going to try to create a bit of freedom from writing so that I can relax more.  It will be interesting to see what that’s like.  I’ve learned so much from these past years writing this blog.  The comments you sent lifted me up or had me look at blind spots.  I saw glorious New York City differently as I tried to share passing sights along the way. 

I am beyond grateful for those of you who have been readers.  It is my hope that writing this blog contributed in some way to whatever you’ve been going through.  I wish each of you moments of joy and grace throughout 2025 as you navigate a reality we dared not imagine.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Make a list of self-care tips from past blog posts or from other sources.  Make sure they’re tips you can easily do and that you find helpful.  The list is a great resource when you’re stressed or feeling down and can’t think of what may be useful.  
  • Go through your sock drawer to rid yourself of socks with holes. But if you prefer, darn them.   It’s a little thing you can do to start the new year without past defects that are easily remedied.  
  • Enjoy the last vestiges of the holiday season by reliving the splendid Darlene Love when she performed her holiday classic on the last David Letterman Holiday Special.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tsU08y9peZg

Soup’s On, Week Fifty-One in the No Longer New Abnormal

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It’s soup season.  A pot of lentil soup is simmering on the stove.  I plan to enjoy any number of soups throughout winter.  This batch of lentil soup is flavored with Moroccan spices. When I’m not able to get away it’s fun to tour the planet from my kitchen.  I’ll create an Italian tomato basil soup next week, and then a Thai chicken soup after that.  As a child soup was limited to Campbell’s, and later Progresso.  I liked them well enough, but the first time I had real Greek chicken and lemon soup, I knew the canned options were relegated to my past.  

Soup is also a wonderful metaphor for the fullness of our lives.  How much spice do we enjoy?  What is the base of your life’s soup?  I like variety so I tend to have a few pots on the stove.  I enjoy bold flavors, but once in a while I prefer a simple broth.  On those occasions, staying home or getting away to a quieter environment makes all the difference.  This week the soup was full of holiday cheer.  Norm Lewis is performing a holiday concert, which he deems a party, at 54 Below.  He knows how to bring true joy to every stage where he performs.  And the New York Pops just had their holiday concert at Carnegie Hall with Jessica Vosk, an amazing performer I only discovered this week.  I will be catching up on her unparalleled talent by listening to her albums while cooking my soups.  

This holiday season can easily bring many feelings some delightful, like when enjoying a concert of top talent. Or it can feel lonely, like when you are missing those we’ve lost to illness or circumstances beyond your control.  Think about what you need.  What do you put in your soup?  If you’re up for it, there may be volunteer opportunities that can be deeply gratifying.  Or gift yourself something from your closet.  Find a sweater you forgot you had.  Or, open up a jar of spice you rarely use for your own special soup.  Be thoughtful about what you need these next couple of weeks.  Comfort and joy can take many forms.  In the same way that soup is an ever-changing course.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Make soup.  Or enjoy soups that others make.  Warm yourself in this cold weather. 
  • In really cold weather, putting on a pair of latex medical gloves as liners below your gloves will keep your fingers extra toasty.  
  • Discover Jessica Vosk for yourself.  If you already knew of her, then revisit her dynamic talent.  Enjoy her holiday album.  Here’s a video to enjoy a taste:  https://www.instagram.com/p/DDz1GjbpUcg/

A Year in Pics, Week Fifity in the No Longer New Abnormal

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We have two and half more weeks until we get to 2025.  What a year it’s been.  Most of us struggled to understand and appreciate those who view things differently.  There has been a lot of vilifying.  I’m tired.  I bet you are, too.  Though there was also joy amongst the adversity.  So rather than write more about hardship or any other topic when we need a reprieve from more voices on the subject, I’ll leave you with some fun photos from 2024, with self-care tips at the end.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • When you’re pushing yourself, try a short break.  Sometimes stepping away can revitalize you and relieve some of the pressure. 
  • Conversely, when you are having a hard time starting something, take one small step towards what has to get done.  Do one push-up, write one sentence.  Run around one block.  Clean one surface.  Whatever it is one step forward will help move things in the direction of reaching 
  • Be silly.  Skip.  Hop up and down.  Do a silly dance.  Being silly helps us to take ourselves less seriously which in turn opens us up to youth and joy.  

‘Tis the Season, Week Forty-Nine in the No Longer New Abnormal

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It’s easy to hunker down now that the cold weather is here.  And there’s something to be said for hibernation mode.  But this week I was out and about taking in the holiday spirit, which is alive and well in New York City.  I love a good nap when the weather is chilly and the days are short.  And, yet, visiting Rockefeller Center and the holiday window displays later in the evening, when they’re less crowded is a joyful experience that really does bring cheer.  Sometimes we have to be intentional about seeking out positive experiences.  Yes, sometimes they come to us.  But mostly we need to create joy.  

In this season, it’s easy to look for and enjoy delightful experiences.  Maybe we listen to holiday songs.  Certainly, Mariah Carey gets her due in early winter.  Though one can’t deny her talent, I’m more inclined to listen to Samara Joy for a jazz-infused holiday listen.  Others I enjoy are Norm Lewis, Liz Calloway and her sister, Ann Hampton Calloway, and Megan Hilty.  Plus the Maccabeats and Klezmtics have wonderful Hannukah tunes.  Of course, YouTube is perfect for contemporary or historical holiday fare.  It’s nice to get a slice of joy just by watching Nat King Cole, or Peter, Paul and Mary.  

Of course, music and lights aren’t the only pleasures of this season.  The scents and flavors of the holidays bring their own pleasures.  Whether you light a candle with hints of nutmeg, or you enjoy latkes with apple sauce, there is so much joy we can create these cold weather days.  

Self-Care Tips:  

  • Enjoy something specific to this season that you enjoy whether it’s food, a drink like egg nog or coquito, a scent, a show like the Holiday Spectacular at Rockefeller Center with the Rockettes, or a drive to see the neighborhood lights, you can take in something that focuses on joy.
  • Rediscover something you love in your home.  We can take for granted what we already have.  But look up and revel in artwork on your walls again.  Or go to your closet and wear something that feels great. Find a frozen dish in your freezer that you forgot about but can enjoy this week.  It’s so much fun to appreciate we already have.  
  • Whatever your age, care for your inner child.  Be gentle if she/he/they need compassion.  Raise the volume if you yearn to play.  

Holiday Season, Week Forty-Eight in the No Longer New Abnormal

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Mixed emotions can easily create a holiday weekend potpourri  between the pressures of Thanksgiving and the demands of Black Friday.   Though expectations run high for a very Happy Thanksgiving and great savings on Black Friday, the truth is less grand and perhaps a bit messy.  I had the good fortune of enjoying a small Thanksgiving with a table of four at a local restaurant.  I was too tired to cook.  Being served was a small pleasure for which I was completely thankful. And sharing a meal with loved ones was a gift in and of itself.  That’s not to say that I don’t miss the larger family, but I was happy to do less.  Then came Black Friday.  My inbox, even before I woke up, was stuffed with advertisements for gifts, necessities, personal items and everything in-between.  I was flummoxed.  I felt pulled in every direction.  Do I take advantage of a daybed sale?  Or do I pick up small items for little gifts for those I appreciate and encounter in service jobs?  I was easily frazzled.  I spent much too much time online digging through the myriad of possibilities.  I felt stuck in a capitalistic loop of my own making.  

What is it about the big savings?  I don’t have to think hard about that.  My father was the culprit.  There wasn’t a sale he didn’t like.  We would drive around to Korvettes, Two Guys, Grants, and other low-priced stores.  His favorite savings places were liquidation warehouses.  We were able to get things we didn’t need, the sale itself being the real gift.  Often we were the recipients of things we didn’t want. But who could argue with the joy of my father’s tale of savings?  While he did teach me about being an informed consumer, I fight the urge to buy things I don’t need simply because it’s now 70% off.  For me Black Friday is less retail therapy than wholesale anxiety.  Tomorrow is Cyber Monday.  I hope I can maintain a sense of calm.  And then it’s giving Tuesday, which always feels like I’m leaving an important non-profit out to dry as I choose my usual suspects for donations.  

The desire to be able to give and receive seems endless.  The messaging appears to say, I must be grateful even when it’s a gift I don’t want.  I must be generous even when it’s out of my price range.  I must take advantage of a small window of discount opportunity.  I must be social, even when I’m exhausted and need to rest.  Too many “musts.”  It a challenge to feel as if we’re enough.  And when we don’t feel as if we’re enough because we’re feeling vulnerable, the “musts”  can feel crushing.  Perhaps we can lighten up, if possible.  Maybe we can reach out to let others know they matter.  Maybe we can do something kind for ourselves to let us know we matter.  And,maybe we can slow down so that the pressures of the season don’t push us down.  

Wishing you a healthy and peaceful season.  

Self-Care Tips:  

  • When buying gifts, or getting a bargain, put it in your cart, and let it sit there for a while before making the final purchase.  This way you can see if you really want it rather than making an impulse acquisition.  
  • Repeat the affirmation, “I am enough.”  That may be enough to confront all the messaging that suggests otherwise.  
  •  Give in small ways on Giving Tuesday and any other day.  Perhaps you can even find a new place to donate.  

MCNY, Week Forty-Seven in the No Longer New Abnormal

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The Museum of the City of New York on 103rd and Fifth Avenue is an unsung museum.  I love making this destination walk.  Even when I’ve seen all the recent exhibits, the gift shop is terrific.  And, they have a lovely café on the second floor, too.  But the museum, their exhibits and events are really something special.  MCNY, as it is known, is large enough to see something different in each exhibit, but small enough that you could enjoy the entire museum, knowing you’ve taken in art, history and local lore.  

I went this past week for their annual gingerbread house contest.  Not only is it a display of ingenious edible architecture, but the aroma alone creates an enticing atmosphere.  But I ended up staying for every other display, except the dollhouse, which I’ve seen on previous visits.  The Deco New York show is as rich and glamorous as it sounds.  The city in the 20th century is a comprehensive walk through history.  And the half-floor dedicated to Shirley Chisholm is an appropriate homage to a true trailblazer.  

I may not get all my paperwork and cleaning done, but visiting museums, as well as going to live theater, dance, and music events, brings ongoing joy that support my work, my heart and my soul.  What could be better than that?  Okay, equal or better would be those I love, my family, friends, colleagues and clients who also bring great joy to my life.  

What brings you joy? 

Self-Care Tips:

  • Write a list of tasks before bedtime. Once they are on the page for the next day or for the next week, it takes up less room in your head, allowing for more restful slumber. 
  • We can never get enough of this dynamic duo singing about Happy Days/Getting Happy:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFVxX3RtyhQ perhaps now more than ever.  
  • Visit the Museum of the City of New York.  And, if you can’t get to the city, here is the website:  https://www.mcny.org

Best Non-Fiction of 2024, Week Fourty-Six in the No Longer New Abnormal

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I was reading through my emails when I received a thoughtful text from a very kind person who sent me a picture of my book on the table of the Best Non-Fiction of 2024.  This was at the Barnes & Noble on the Upper Eastside of Manhattan.  How considerate it was to send me that picture.  And, how thrilled I was seeing my book in the photo.  It’s been challenging playing the promotion game, and I am not great at promoting my own interests.  Yes, I think the book would be helpful especially at this time.  I think it’s important to find the self-care tips during hardships whenever and wherever they show up.  And, thinking of what got us through past difficulties allows us to remember that we will get through this, too.  Those were a couple of reasons I wrote In the Time of Coronavirus.   I was so pleased when good reviews started to come in from those I didn’t know.  And, grateful for the couple of reviews from those who do know me, and still liked the book. 

It’s been easy these past weeks to focus on negative news.  And there’s plenty of it.  So I will take the joy where I find it.  Today it was looking at the text, and appreciating the kindness it took in sending it to me. It made my day.  And, though I am not comfortable doing promotions, I am challenging myself by sharing the picture here.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Brag a little.  Sometimes we need to advocate for ourselves by tooting our own horn.  I highly suggest this for shy or self-critical individuals.  It has meaning to state an accomplishment.  
  • Find what is funny.  We need laughter now more than ever.  I welcome suggestions.  I suggest Abbott Elementary, New Yorker cartoons, Wanda Sykes latest Netflix special. 
  • Practice active listening.  Rather than bring up a related topic based on a personal thought or experience, learn from what the other person is saying.  Listen for new information.  

Quotes for This Moment, Week Forty-Five in the No Longer new Abnormal

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Rather than add to the disquieting mix of this past week’s conversation, I am going to share two quotes that may be helpful now and going forward.  The first one was shared by my sister-in-law, Catherine North.  She has always been a champion for encouraging the best in those around her.  The second quote was shard in response to the first as a continuation of inspiration.  That was shared by a newer friend who I came to know during the pandemic.  Her name is Erin Falk and she lives with joy sharing her adventures as if we were there.  The pictures were taken this past week.  Walking helped me see what I love in and about the city of New York.  

This is by Howard Zinn, Historian and author, 1922 to 2010.  

“”To be hopeful in bad times is based on the fact that human history is not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness. If we see only the worst, it destroys our capacity to do something. If we remember those times and places where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us the energy to act. And if we do act, in however small a way, we don’t have to

wait for some grand Utopian future. The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory.”

And from the Writer and author, Toni Morrison, 1931 to 2019:

“This is precisely the time when artists go to work. There is no time for despair, no place for self-pity, no need for silence, no room for fear. We speak, we write, we do language. That is how civilizations heal.

I know the world is bruised and bleeding, and though it is important not to ignore its pain, it is also critical to refuse to succumb to its malevolence. Like failure, chaos contains information that can lead to knowledge — even wisdom. Like art.”

Self-Care Tips:

  • Go for a walk.  The sheer act of movement helps to metabolize emotions helping to bring clarity
  • Take in art.  See a film, read a book, view art, get to a live performance.  All art can be transcendent.
  • Buy the book.  In the Time of Coronavirus has many self-care tips that can assist throughout the next years.  If you have the book, just open it up and maybe you can find a tip that will help to soothe.  https://janetzinn.com/product/in-the-time-of-coronavirus  

Change is Inevitable, Week Forty-Four in the No Longer New Abnormal

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If change is the only constant in life, why do we have such a hard time with it?  When two old friends died this past week I was grateful to have known them. Although my life will not change much since they were no longer regular presences in my current life, their kindness, compassion and humor have stayed with me since we met in the 80’s.  However, their close family and friends now will feel the change in their lives profoundly, as do we all when death comes to those we love.  

On another note, over 50,000 people are running in the New York City marathon today.  For many this is their first marathon and if they’re able to cross the finish line they will be marathoners.  That will change how they know themselves today and going forward.   If, they are unable to cross because of injury or for other reasons, their expectations will probably feel like a loss, and they will feel changed in ways very different from their fellow runners.    

Even the mundane changes of everyday life have an impact.  Our vacuum cleaner broke.  How and why remain a mystery. But finding one that will hold up to our needs, while staying within a budget, then learning how to use it properly, take away from much needed rest this weekend.  While I can derive a sense of mild accomplishment by using the new vacuum, I prefer not to have to deal with the regular failings of products and services.  

And as a nation, we are facing a huge change.  We’re about to have a new president.  That is a change that will make a lot happy and others scared, sad or angry.  What will it mean?  How do we handle it?  Change in our lives won’t end.  Some changes are welcome, while others upset us, or at worst, hurt us.  My hope is that we learn and grow from change. Let’s rise to the challenge to be our better selves.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • When faced with a disappointing change, acknowledge the upset, and when the time is right, see what is needed to accommodate the change.  Balance caring for yourself and taking steps to live with the new circumstances. 
  • Purposely take one action that will create a change you want.  Open a savings account and deposit a small amount for an intended goal.  Or run one block to start a new habit.  One small step can make a big difference.  
  • Find the humor.  Bringing levity to stressful times is imperative for anxious times.