Monthly Archives: February 2021

Insult to Injury, 2020 Taxes, Week 51 in the Time of Coronavirus

Posted on by
1
Vintage mechanical numeric calculator isolated on white background. Accounting concept, stock online photo

I like scrambled eggs.  They are soft and comforting.  However, when my mind is scrambled I find no comfort in that.  These past two weekends I’ve endeavored to do my taxes.  Doing taxes in the time of Coronavirus is less than optimal.  That said, I am going to take a nap.  An afternoon siesta is not a usual practice, especially when slogging through last year’s numbers.  In the past I’ve faced the forms down and I get through it, complaining while I add up sums and input data.  Today is different.  I don’t have the wherewithal.  I’m having difficulty focusing.  Taxes in a pandemic is another ridiculously compulsorily task we’re forced to endure.  

Nap completed and I’ve taken a brief refuge in writing this now.  I see the calculator staring me down, so I’ll have to resume my taxes in a little while.  When I do, I imagine I’ll go slowly.  I’d love to rush through it.  But having made mistakes in the past, I prefer slow and steady to the headache of a future audit.  

Because it’s a rainy day I am less inclined to venture out, making this a theoretically perfect day for paperwork.  But as far as I’m concerned, paperwork is a necessary evil, not a respectful task worth my time and energy.  Taxes aren’t fun.  At least that’s been my experience.  

I didn’t always feel that way.  There was a time a few decades ago when I was proud of my record keeping and my ability to have organized files.  It wasn’t until I worked for others as a side hustle, helping with their bookkeeping, that I found out that I deluded myself with my organizational skills.  My acumen with an adding machine was deeply flawed.  I missed receipts and tabulated sums incorrectly.  My false confidence was exposed.  

I have no such confidence now.  Nor do I wish to acquire it.  I respect others who excel in bookkeeping and accounting.  This is their season to shine.  Kudos to them.  I hope to complete my taxes in the next two weeks when I will send it off to our wonderful accountants.  For now, though, I will go back to the numbers.  And, I think I’ll have scrambled eggs for dinner to comfort me when I’m done for the day.  

Self-care tips:

  • Change up your routine.  Try to do things differently for a fresh perspective. 
  • When going into an unwanted situation, place a few dabs of a scent you like on your wrists or other points, so you can take in the aroma when things get tough.
  • When multi-tasking, see if there’s a way to focus in on one task and get some or all of it done before moving on to the next task.  This gives you a better chance of having a sense of satisfaction with your work. 
  • Shred.  It can feel great to get rid of old papers. 
  • Do the hokey pokey and turn yourself around.  That’s what it’s all about.  

Let’s Be Real, Week 50 in the Time of Coronavirus

Posted on by
Reply

As we approach a year in semi-lockdown we’ve been filled with powerful emotions. Social niceties often allude us as we exchange suspicious looks with masked strangers. We don’t have to dig deep to touch upon anxiety or aggravation.  They are neatly placed on the surface of our emotional reservoirs.   Our tolerance level has been masterfully challenged.  And at times our sustained tolerance is losing ground.  Well-wishers tout positivity.  I am all for optimism.  Heck, I write my blog with self-care tips. But when we’re on the edge, as we often find ourselves in this pandemic, the last thing we want to hear is how lucky we are. 

When I feel blue, I’m resistant to hearing that I should be grateful for what I have.  And, if we’re being real, most of us have had blue periods in this time of Coronavirus.  I’m not saying that gratitude isn’t important.  I have an active daily practice of gratitude, and it’s been invaluable.  But I do believe that we have to be where we are.  When we force gratitude or self-care on ourselves or others, we negate the real experience in that moment.  I know things are tough when I’m easily annoyed with little slights.  Telling me to let it go, just adds to my exasperation.  If we’re going to find hope or gratitude at all, we have to start with where we are.  We can’t always make the leap to positivity because someone else is uncomfortable with our irascibility.

When we are able to acknowledge the hardships and upset that we’re experiencing, then we can move on from there. Each of us deals with this differently.  Sometimes I can yell into a pillow, cry, and take a walk.  And in doing those things I find myself in a lighter place.  Other times it takes a good night’s sleep.  Or I need to talk in therapy or to a friend.  When I do, I have the wherewithal to be delighted by small kindnesses.  Just this week strangers made room for narrow paths in the snow, and neighbors waited at the open door while I carried in my groceries.  It was lovely.  Their kindness allowed for an ease of gratitude.  When I have the bandwidth, I, too, will do what I can to ease someone else’s load.  And, when I don’t, I’ll do my best to have patience with myself, remembering that we’re living through a pandemic.  

Self-care Tips:

  • Create a list of complaints.  Sometimes we need to unload.  Be a complainer, write down what bothers you.  Give voice to your agitation.  If it helps, tear it up, or cut it up, then throw it out with force.  
  • Growl, sigh, exhale loudly.  Sounds give voice to our unheard feelings.  (If you live with others, warn them first.)
  • I delight in ______ (fill in the blank)
  • See if there is a way to make room for whatever you filled in above. If not, see if there are any first steps you can take to have or do whatever you delight in.  
  • Stop what you’re doing.  Pause.  Ask yourself, “how am I doing?”  It’s always good to check in with yourself.  It’s good information to have even when you can’t take an action to address it.  

Love in the Time of Coronavirus, Week 49

Posted on by
Reply

I wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day.  In doing so, I am very aware that Valentine’s Day is loaded.  Maybe even more so in the pandemic.  Here in New York restaurants are now open for indoor dining.  Some will make it a romantic evening.  Some will fight because they have very different safety parameters.  Some will feel lonely as they have in years past.  Some will be uniquely solo in this Covid-19 year.  Many will measure others’ love by what attention they receive or don’t receive today.  And others will see it as just another Sunday.  Whatever the case, Valentine’s Day is signified by hearts, the social sign of love.  

Love is a peculiar thing.  We read about it, we say, “I love you,” we’re told to love ourselves.  And, yet love is not a measurable commodity.  We have seen love take so many forms in the pandemic.  My expression of love has been everything from open & joyous to thorny and messy.  My acceptance of other’s love has been a balm at times.  While other times I have been judgmental and closed-minded.  

We often learn that love looks a particular way.  And when those who love us express it in another form it can feel invalidating.  They may not love us any less, but it’s hard to take it in when it looks different than our expectations.  And, loving ourselves is a whole other ballgame. Often it feels like loving ourselves is a consolation for not receiving the love we want.  

Nevertheless, I believe that loving ourselves is exactly the love we need.  When we are gentle while vulnerable, kind when stressed, and caring when upset, then we are both providing ourselves with the love we need and taking in the love we’re giving.  How wonderful is that?  It may feel painful that we experience that alone.  If so, then the kindness we impart will go a long way.  

I am going to do the best I can to be kind to myself. I am committed to be kind to those I love, those I like, and to strangers.  My kindness will be imperfect.  I tend to be moody, and I don’t always have the emotional fortitude to express a generosity of heart.  But I will do my best.  And, as I accept the love given to me, and accept my limitations, as well as those of others, I will see that acceptance as an act of love.  This is not necessarily what I was taught about love, it is what I’ve learned since then.  

Self-care Tips:

  • Give yourself a break from self-care.  Sometimes it can become an obligation rather than a caring act.  When that’s the case, take a pause. 
  • Chapstick or lip balm, in your favorite flavor if you like, can be restorative on dry winter days.  
  • Shelf-care.  Go through your books.  See if there’s any you’ve meant to read and take them off the shelf.  Or see what you can give away.  
  • Watch a James Corden video on YouTube.  May I suggest a Carpool Karaoke?  He aims to bring laughter.  

Celebrate a party of One.  You are number one. And celebrating yourself in any manner that brings delight is the perfect party 

Ennui, Week 48 in the Time of Coronavirus

Posted on by
Reply

Again and again I hear from others, “I’m so over this.” Of course, this refers to the pandemic and its related restrictions. Yes, we need to lessen the spread of Covid-19, yet that doesn’t mean we’re happy about what’s required.  Now, even with the spotty vaccine rollout, we are expected to buckle down more so with the presence of new strains, which, in turn, places new stressors on us.  With added stressors any energy we have burns quicker.  We are exhausted and might feel resentment, anger or woe.  This is what has happened in the daily grind without proper reprieves.  

I am certainly dragging my feet.  Whether it’s writing this blog or cooking a meal, I lack whatever eagerness I had in past years.  I have no get-up-and-go these days.  And I know I’m not alone.  I whine silently in my head, “I don’t wanna.”  Fill in the blank because I don’t wanna can signify pretty much anything.  This doesn’t mean I don’t experience joy.  There are small moments that turn “I don’t wanna” upside-down.  

I am pleased and surprised when I delight in an unexpected moment.  It could be anything from watching a healthcare worker, still in scrubs, coming home from a long day caring for others, to the subtle evening sky light in-between high rises.  Those are moments that give me pause, then move me forward.  Conversely, seeing the messy surfaces at home on shelves, table tops or cabinets, stop me in my tracks as I sigh with resignation.  

Moving forward is a slow process in this time of Coronavirus.  It’s not always easy to discern when we must succumb to the “I don’t wannas,” and when we can kindly take a step toward the next matter of business.  I probably won’t be able to organize my home while working and carving out self-care through the pandemic.  And I may not be able to fool around in the kitchen to cook as often, either.  Nevertheless, I will enjoy those pleasurable moments when they show up, your kind likes and comments, included.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Ask yourself, “How am I doing?”  It’s always good to check in.  
  • Then ask, “What do I need that’s attainable now?”  It’s helpful to know what you need and what you can have. 
  • Enjoy the gentle sensation of a soft toothbrush
  • Find or get a smooth stone to rub during stressful moments, or while on Zoom calls.  If you can get one in your favorite color, do that.  
  •  Take quick dance breaks.  Turn on a song and move.  It breaks up the ennui.