In my every day life I’m a psychotherapist. I love what I do and I am always awed by the courage and growth I witness in my practice. I am committed to my work and my clients, giving what I can to do the work necessary   Even though I go for long walks, meditate, go to my own therapy, take vitamins, and do what I can to laugh, I tend to be exhausted by the end of the week.

Given my line of work, it’s ironic that when I go on vacation I tend to lie about what I do. But I have reason to lie.

Sometimes I make the mistake of being honest when asked, “What do you do?” This past weekend was one of those times.   We stayed at a lovely B&B in upstate New York. Well, lovely for non-therapists. The manager and staff were so friendly. I like good service, but when I go away I don’t want to get to know anyone. I want to unwind.

When we arrived, we were asked how our trip was. We were told a lot about the sweets that were out, the complimentary tea and coffee, and more about the history of the inn and the area. I had to finally let the manager know that I needed a nap. It was a busy week, and I wanted to rest.

The following day, after a morning in which my amiable husband spoke with the chef, I walked downstairs and the chef, making conversation, asked me, “What do you do?” For a second I thought of saying I’m an actuary. It ends any conversation about jobs. Either people don’t know what an actuary is, but don’t want to admit it. Or, they don’t want to talk about statistics. Either way, I’m safe. But I told him the truth, “I’m a therapist.” Before I knew what happened, he was telling me about a hard time in his life.

This was my vacation. I didn’t ask him to come to my home on his day off to cook for me. This is not an unusual incident. The first time I can remember was when I was so happy to start my private practice. As a gift, I was being treated to a day at The Red Door getting spa treatments. The manicurist asked me what I did, and I told her. She then told me about her granddaughter and the trouble she was having. And, though I thought I was obligated to answer, she did not offer me any extra services. I left feeling resentment rather than relaxation.

So, after too many times giving solicited advice, and not getting the proper time off, I started my fictional career when confronted with needy people on my down time. I’m not proud that I lie, but I am relieved that I am not the confidant to strangers in strange places. I guess my vacations include a vacation from the truth.  Being well rested gives me the relief I need to go back to my real job. In my office I can be the psychotherapist I am.

View from the jog I took alone on this vacation.

I just had a wonderful time. My friend Larry married his love, Larry, in a full service Episcopal wedding. It was a lovely blend of Christian tradition and modern love. After was champagne, a buffet, and most importantly, dancing. Larry and I met in our early college years while we both worked at the Echelon Mall in Voorhees, NJ. I was of a mixed mind working there since the mall had edged my dad’s independent shoe store out of business. Larry and I became fast friends. He always had a smile on his face and we laughed easily together. Within months we realized that he got his school shoes at my dad’s store. The most fun we had together was going out dancing.

After college we both moved to New York City and tried to make it here. I was a struggling actress, and Larry a dancer and graphic artist. He had a 6^th floor walk-up on East 6^th, which he generously shared with me when I was in-between sublets. Even when money was scarce we both knew how to have a good time. And, today’s wedding was proof that Larry has maintained his spirit. In fact, his Larry has even brought out other sides to Larry I am now just getting to know. They are a great couple. And, I am so happy that they survived the 80’s and are thriving with friends and admirers from all walks of life.

I was fortunate enough to reacquaint myself with old friends and connections who went their way while I forged my own path. To reconnect and feel the same warmth that brought us together 30 plus years ago is very special. I remember a few times I happily ran into old acquaintances while they gave me cold receptions. Not a pleasant experience. But, today was about love and happiness, a testament to Larry & Larry.

It’s occasions like their wedding that remind all of us how fortunate we are to share in the joy.