Monthly Archives: January 2023

Swimming on Vacation, The Fourth Week of the Second Year of the New Abnormal

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I swam for an hour, my head submerged in the warm pool with tiny, wavy prisms, iridescent in the sun-drenched water.  The luxury of having a pool to myself is priceless.  Being able to move seamlessly underwater, thanks to my swimmers’ mask, allows me to stay beneath the surface, enjoying what I’d describe as a meditation in motion.  

 We’re on vacation.  That in and of itself is a gift of relaxation.  I had become rather snippy the first weeks of January, which is always a sign that I need a reset.  I’m still noticing some sharp edges that have yet to be smoothed completely, but the warm air, the sun and the tranquil atmosphere are working their magic.  

There’s a simple ease to being in the Caribbean.  Being able to swim with my mask adds a layer of delight as this vacation kneads the knots of stress from my body, mind and soul.  Sometimes in life there’s a simple fix that changes an experience from okay to wonderful.  That is true of my swimmers’ mask, a device that looks like an outer space unicorn.  It takes up the entire face, so unlike a snorkel, I can breathe just under the surface of water from either my mouth or nose.  There’s a stop at the tip of the hose at the center that prevents water from entering.  And the hose at the center means that swimmers like me can stroke our arms without hitting the tube.  All in all, I am so grateful for this wonderful addition to my swim.  

Life hacks can really help us when they make life easier or more enjoyable.  Years ago, Larry taught me that having the right tool for the right job matters.  He showed me how a well sharpened knife makes a huge difference in the joy of cooking.  Or the correct screwdriver can shorten a belabored task.  Now I have my swim mask, less a tool that a piece of equipment that provides a panoramic view of the pool or the ocean.  A few more swims and the last of the sharp edges will disappear.  At least for now.

Self-Care Tips:

  • Check to see if there’s an easier way to do your chores or activities.  A silicon spatula is helpful to scramble eggs while being gentle on your pan.  A group or family calendar is useful for scheduling.  And a small packet of wipes in your bag or car are good at any age.  
  • If you feel overwhelmed, rather than power on, take a short break.  Walk around the block, meditate, take a power nap, or stretch.  Breaks help us to refocus.  
  • When on the phone, smile while speaking.  It brightens our tone and communicates a softer nature.  

Doing & Being, The Third Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal

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I have salt lamps in my home and work offices.  They are supposed to have a calming effect with the soft pink glow.  I also have a host of self-help books with recommendations on ways to be happier, less stressed, or healthier in every way.  There are not enough hours in the day to prepare and slowly enjoy nourishing meals, move our bodies, meditate, document our thoughts, our habits, our gratitude, mindfully practice yoga, recycle, enjoy nature, be nice to everyone, call our friends, practice aroma therapy, see our health professionals, read or listen to the news, laugh, bring some art into our lives, be creative, be informed, be conscious, relax, be generous, and be happy.  I am overwhelmed living my best life. 

Making a choice to care for myself in one way means I’m making a choice to not do something else.  Perhaps it’s another way of caring.  Resting means I’m not working out.  Working out means I am not relaxing. And so on.  

Nonetheless choices have to be made.  The best I can do is be present in whatever I’m doing.  I see it as checking in with myself and my environment.  What is happening?  How do I feel?  Am I paying attention?  If not, can I refocus?  If I had to describe this, I would say it’s being in the moment, or “beingness.”  It sounds very new age, and perhaps it is in some sense.  But I think more in the tradition of artisans who customarily have singularly focused on their craft.  

Being a psychotherapist has been helpful in learning to be in the moment.  I find it’s essential to listen with intention.  Even when a story has been said before, it has never been said in that moment.  Can I hear the changes? Can I see what connections are being made?  This has been useful.  But since not everyone is a psychotherapist, nor do all psychotherapists practice the same way, each of us can find ways to choose what’s appropriate for any given time as we awkwardly make our way to live our best lives.  

I, for one, will keep my salt lamps burning.  Do they help?  Though I don’t know the science, I do like them, and that’s good enough for my best life.  

Self-CareTips:

  • Do something that brings you joy.  Notice if you can be aware of your mood, sensations in your body, what’s going on around you, and anything else associated with the joyful activity.
  • Make a conscious choice to not do something.  How does that feel?  Can you be present even as you are not doing whatever you’ve chosen?
  • Hydrate.  We tend to forget to drink water or other hydrating liquids in the winter.  

What’s For Dinner? Second Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal

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I was preparing dinner as I do many nights.  Last night was pesto glazed salmon and garlic-marinaded skirt steak with sauteed spinach, garlic bread, and a spicy salad.  Thanks to Marion Zinn, my mother-in-law, I have the best marinade for the steak.  She was a wonderful hostess and served many delicious dishes.  Conversely, my mother would get anxious when hosting guests.  Nonetheless she deserves a shout out as an excellent baker. All three of my siblings and I have fond memories of annual birthday cakes baked from scratch, stored on a glass cake plate with an aluminum cake dome.  I used to cook and bake regularly, but as life’s responsibilities expanded, my domestic duties dwindled.   

Sometimes, though, I want to have a home cooked meal.  I shopped at the farmer’s market gathering some ingredients for dinner, and foraged the refrigerator for the rest.  Even as I began the prep work, I remained hopeful for a nice dinner.  Inevitably, by early evening, I was forgetting one thing or another, and my hope slipped to a tepid aspiration for a good enough meal.  Perhaps it’s this feeling along with my full schedule that diminishes my fondness for cooking these days.   

I realized, which might mean I’m late to the game, that planning, and subsequently serving, dinner is a process that mimics the complications of caring for oneself and perhaps others.  First there’s the consideration of taste.  What do I like?  What does Larry like?  Are there foods that appeal to us as the same time?  If not, what variations do I make?  Will I challenge myself with a new recipe or will I rely on the tried and true?  Not only does flavor matter, but so does nutrition.  I’m not a stickler that every meal meets the daily requirements of a balanced meal plan. However, I do like to have a variety of tastes, textures and basic health guidelines met.  

Now and again meals are more fly by night, others are indulgences, and more often meals are simple and easy to put together after jam-packed days.  I always enjoy good food.  I’m flexible in that I truly enjoy an array of possibilities from vegan to Omakase, and so much in-between.  I prefer local and organic, but I also shop at Trader Joe’s appreciative of their vast and changing selections.  One thing is for sure, I prefer choices, as I do in so many parts of my life.  

In getting dinner together, last night and previously, I’ve noticed the range of feelings I experience.  I start out hopeful, I have moments of frustration, periods I feel relaxed and trusting, and times I get annoyed, wishing I was being served rather than doing the serving.  And I challenge myself to get through the feelings of anxiousness closer to putting the meal on the table.  All in all, it replicates the processes I go through in other areas of my life, which include the original idea, the thought process and the execution.  So much stuffed into a quotidian endeavor.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Recipe for Marion’s marinade: ¼ cup olive oil, just less than ¼ cup cider vinegar, 3 Tablespoons or more of soy sauce, ¼ cup honey, lots and lots of chopped garlic, ½ teaspoon grated ginger (can use fresh, jarred or dry ginger if that’s what you have) Enjoy!
  • Take an everyday activity and break it down, checking in to see the array of feelings you have throughout the process.  Can you insert kindness and care when it feels uncomfortable?  Are you able to go with it when it feels pleasant?  If so, acknowledge yourself.  If not, see if you can make room for whatever comes us.  
  • Chapstick. It’s a great way to get through the winter.  Choose from a host of aromas, flavors, textures and ingredients. Find the one that’s good for you.  

The Happiness Project, The First Week in the Second Year of The New Abnormal

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I subscribe to The New York Times.  As an online subscriber I often miss stories and articles that are of interest to me. However, I was fortunate enough to receive the Happiness Challenge of this last week.  It wasn’t an outsized commitment but small acts of recognition and gratitude.  

For too many years I lived with a deprivation mindset.  It meant that I felt lacking in so many ways.  Even when good things took place, it felt like it wasn’t enough to fill the void.  I could intellectually recognize a good thing, but emotionally I wasn’t able to internalize it.  When I learned to be grateful for acts of kindness, and when I learned to appreciate moments of joy, I was able to slowly move away from resentment and feelings of deprivation. 

Happiness, at least as I understand it, is more of a mindset.  It doesn’t mean denying the unpleasant.  It only means that there is an open-mindedness to take in pleasure, care, and joy.  Happiness and joy can be cultivated.  So often life’s difficulties wear us down challenging our ability to appreciate the good in our lives.  Nonetheless, with intention we can rebuild the natural joy hidden within.  

By building relationships, and creating a bridge to old positive influencers, we will experience a shared happiness.  By serving others with no intention of having them give you something in return, joy is a welcomed by-product.  Little acts can have big returns.  You may have to exert courage to shift from scarcity of joy to ample happiness, but that courage will pay off.  

It’s so nice to live in the abundance of goodness all around us.  We only need to look to find it.  

Self-Care Tips: