In Pursuit of a Good Vacation



What I left behind in going away

It turns out I’m not much of an all-inclusive gal. We are in a gorgeous setting, in the warmth of Mexico. I am so happy to be out of the New York winter for the week. And, yet, in this lovely setting, I hear muzak when I yearn for quiet. I dine at restaurants that have stunning menus with adequate food. We are in the lap of luxury, and I crave simplicity. Tonight we walked the property. It is spa-like in design, though I heard a mariachi band playing to diners at a themed buffet. We went to the café for an after-dinner espresso. There was a lounge singer nearby. As much as I enjoy soloists, this was more paint by numbers than art. We turned a corner and could hear a mash-up of disco and pop. Lights were blaring, and a DJ was running a show as if a Jersey Bar Mitzvah depended on it.

IMG_0033We were actually looking for the rock band noted on the activity list. We found them. It turns out they were not as loud as the other performers. But they were of equal quality. There was nowhere to go that was silent, except out room. The room is beautiful. The bathroom alone is more spacious than our bedroom at home. And that’s nice. I appreciate a bathtub that has leg room for someone older than five.

There have been lovely moments. We saw the Mayan ruins and the Pyramid. That was truly amazing. And, I relish the laughs we’ve exchanged this week. The talks we’ve had. It’s been so nice to share time together, while also respecting the time we each enjoy on our own. I have no email. So, though I dread the idea of going through over a 1,000 emails when I get home, I am grateful not to have to think of responsibilities for a week. This makes it a true vacation.

I am able to jog. I’m happy about that. I explored Playa Del Carmen, and I went on an easy path. There’s beautiful street art, graffiti art and murals. Walking has also been nice. I’ve been able to walk and run on the narrow beaches. I had planned on swimming, but the pool is particularly cold. No heated pool except for those with concierge service. I do not like feeling like a have-not.


So, though there have been high points, I will not be returning. I know I’m so fortunate to be able to get away. And, I know what I don’t like. Now I will do my best to discover what I do want from a vacation. I have the sun and time off, which is half of the equation. Now I will work on figuring out the other half, thus completing the satisfying vacation experience.

Getting it Right

There is a myth that if we just did things better or differently we could avoid some unpleasantness. That certainly has been my credo for a long time. My self-criticism has known no bounds. I was sure that my unhappiness was a matter of me lacking something essential. And, once I was able to gain that something special, I would know eternal happiness. In my mind this included having more money, a fit body, harmonious relationships, and constant inner peace.

I thought I just needed to be more positive. Or, I should be more disciplined, or less critical. Maybe that’s true, but going on a mind loop of what I need to change hasn’t actually helped me. So, rather than perpetuate this thinking, I’m trying accepting my negativity. And, when I say accepting,  I am not saying I am proud of it, nor do I really want to flaunt it. But I can say that it’s part of how I think and if it’s part of me, it’s worth accepting.

I work so hard to be a better person. I’m tired of working so hard, especially when that work brings me back to my starting point. And, now that I’ve returned to my imperfect self, I think I’ll stay here for awhile and see how it feels. Perfection is a great concept, but it’s not really part of my everyday reality. I’m taking a break. Secretly, I’m hoping embracing imperfection is the answer to getting it right. I guess that’s part of the endless loop. And, so it goes….