Tag Archives: #selfacceptance

Emotional Moments, Week Thirty in the No Longer New Abnormal

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It’s a beautiful morning today.  There is a light breeze, the sun is out but not scorching, and the sky is clear.  The temperature dropped so it feels simply delightful.  I left my apartment before 7:30 am so that I could get in a destination walk to and from Trader Joe’s to pick up a few groceries for the week.  My plan was to be in and out before the Saturday rush.  I was walking on the east side of the street, which is less sunny, thus cooler, in the mornings.  When I approached 68th Street I was in back of someone else with a cart who had a similar plan at Trader Joe’s.  She kept trying to get around a woman with her dog whose leash straddled the entire sidewalk.  When I got close enough I said, “Excuse me, we want to pass you and your dog.”  She didn’t move.  I was less polite in my next attempt.  “You’re taking up the whole sidewalk, can you move so we can pass?” “Fuck you” she said as she barely made room for us.  As I made my way around her dog, I said “You don’t have to take the entire sidewalk.”  My tone sounded as annoyed as I felt.  Even though I had been happy to be out and about on a glorious day, I quickly turned into a grouch.  Again, she repeated, “Fuck You!” This time louder so there would be no mistaking her ire.  I didn’t look back, and I’m not proud to say that I then gave her the finger with my back to her.  Only in retrospect could I think clearly and realize she’s not having a good morning.  Did I need to add to that?  

I can easily get annoyed with others.  Earlier this week I had to hold my tongue more than once when I witnessed disregard for others, rudeness and disrespect.  What I know from my work and friendships is that there is a lot of personal struggles going on now.  I have to remember that each time I’m apt to criticize.  Whether people are struggling financially, interpersonally or with the current political landscape, things are not easy.  I notice my nervous system is on overdrive.  Some days I want to nap more.  Other times I want to yell. Though I didn’t yell this morning, I wasn’t pleasant either.   I am taking my own emotional temperature, then applying whatever self-care tips I can to find peace wherever and whenever I can.  Yes, it’s challenging.  But it’s essential.  Too many people are wound too tightly.  

So, for this week, less writing, more sleep, and more ease.  Simplicity during this societal quagmire is what’s on tap.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Give anonymously.  
  • Enjoy gentle movement.  Whether it’s dancing slowly or taking a stroll, gentle movement is calming. 
  • Chew slowly.  Enjoy every bite.  

What is Self-Care? The Fortieth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal

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When I was growing up in suburban New Jersey I didn’t know anything about self-care.  The first experience I had that felt like self-care was when my mom treated me to a facial at Strawbridge and Clothier.  They were having a special promotion.  Although I couldn’t control my weigh, we could try to tackle my acne this one time.  

Though the focus was to improve my skin, It felt luxurious to have an aesthetician apply steam to my face followed by a facial massage then rich creams applied with gentle fingers. This was so different from the daily Strident Pads and mismatched Clearasil routine I’d become accustomed to.   

The facial came with an unexpected make-over. I was beside myself with glee as I felt pampered in a way I had never experienced.  When finished I looked much older than my fourteen years with the make-up, but I felt like a new person.  A temporarily, sophisticated young woman who got facials.  This felt like a real treat.  

But following that one Saturday, the idea of self-care remained a mere memory for decades.  Then in my thirties as I attended mental health workshops and retreats, I was reintroduced to the idea of self-care.  

Self-care is not the same for everyone.  It’s why I make suggestions rather than state that there are only certain ways to care for oneself.  For many facials are a part of their self-maintenance. For me facials will always be a self-care activity, a rare treat while on vacation.  There is a distinction between self-care and self-maintenance.  And it is different for each of us 

We all live unique lives and how we choose to spend our time can vary vastly.  I now consider meditation self-maintenance rather than self-care.  Viewing art once a week is self-maintenance for me.  Often coupled by another maintenance activity, a destination walk.  However, should I find myself in more than one museum, then the visits are self-care.  Sleep is absolutely self-maintenance.  A phone call to a friend with plenty of tears and laughter could be either self-maintenance or self-care depending on the friendship, the call’s purpose, and the timing.  

It’s not always easy to distinguish the best ways to care for ourselves.  I do believe that self-maintenance is still a form of care.   Nonetheless, whether it’s self-maintenance or self-care, it’s an active statement that we matter.  

Self-Care Tips (Or Suggestions):

  • Give a friend a call, or a text for a walk, coffee, a meet-up, or for a conversation.  Make sure it’s someone with whom it’s natural and easy.  
  • Start a savings account for something you want.  It can be as small as $1 a week, or collect change in a jar.  It all adds up if there’s a regular deposit, and it gives you something to look forward to that you earned yourself.  
  • Find a way to volunteer.  Find something you like so that it doesn’t feel like an obligation but a happy way to give to others.  The season is upon us, so there are a lot of opportunities.  

Cautiously Optimistic, Week 43 in the Time of Coronavirus

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Is this really a Happy New Year?  Yes, we survived 2020.  And, yet, recalling how happy we were to be in a new decade just a year ago, we are constantly reminded of the unexpected turn of events in March.  

In this first weekend of the new year, we take stock of the meaning of “hindsight is 2020.” Relieved that 2020 is behind us, our memories are raw from all we witnessed, and all we faced personally.  I now know the impact of ongoing stress on my body and mind.  I am just beginning to understand what is required to sooth myself and support others going through the intensity of extreme tension.  Sometimes it means reaching out and caring for someone, taking the attention off myself.  Other times it means paying close attention to what I need, whether it be a nap, meditation, or another episode of Law & Order.  

I am appreciative of the laughter brought to me by New Yorker cartoons, silly memes, posts on social media, and absurd memories with my sister, Sharyn.  I have grown to love the color of the sky as I walk through the city streets and parks.  I am grateful to my grandfather, Sam, who watched nature shows like The Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom.  Though I was bored as a child who preferred to see The Jetsons in those early years, now that I’m his age from that time, I appreciate the pleasure of seeing animals in their natural habitats on the small screen.  

I have chosen not to make any resolutions.  I am not resolving to be better in any way.  Yes, I will work on bettering myself, but that remains a daily practice, one with many pitfalls, and flawed attempts.  And, this year, much like last year, I will pick myself up again, and again, dust myself off, and slowly move ahead.  If I remember I will look up at the sky in child-like wonderment.  A moment of awe whatever year it might be.  

Go gently into 2021, step by small step.  

Self-care Tips:

  • Alternate self-care behavior.  This way you find what works best, and what you need in different situations.
  • If and when you feel aches or pains, touch the area with care.  This is not a substitute for medical care, please attend to that.  This is a small gesture that affirms the healing power of touch.
  • Rather than thinking of all you will do in 2021, think of what you will no longer do.  Find the joy of saying no thank you to one or two “shoulds.”
  • Lower your expectations.  We’ve lived with a lot of disappointments this past year.  Lowering our expectations allows us to take in and act on what comes our way.  
  • Try something new, or try anything you’re not good at, like a new recipe, trying your hand at poetry, or learning a new language.  It helps us to develop humility.