Monthly Archives: November 2023

Spilled Coffee, The Forty-Seventh Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal

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I spilled my coffee earlier this week.  And I then let out a loud string of expletives to vocalize my frustration.  I cleaned up the mess and then rushed to work.  Not the way I had wanted to start my day.  My reaction, though provoked,  made it clear that I need some down time.  It may not be the vacation that I’ve fantasized, but even an evening in, or a task free afternoon will do at this point.  

To that end, this will be a brief post.  I will not be replying to comments.  I will be choosing to do less.  Since I have a history of blurry boundaries, stating this upfront may seem clumsy, but at least I’m stating what I need.  

Too many of us, particularly women and marginalized populations, try to keep up, which can keep us down.  I invite you to join me in taking time off, even a fifteen-minute break.  Perhaps if enough of us did that we would see less negative reactivity in our worlds.  Less acting out.  

Taking a time out, which for this adult is a gift not a punishment, will allow me the space and time to regroup.  So if I spill my coffee again, I may be able to offer one expletive, rather than an endless string.  Then I hope to simply get a towel and soak up the liquid.   

  • Should you notice you’re more reactive, find time for a short break, or, if possible, take a longer period of time off.  
  • Before making more commitments, say, “I’ll think about it.”  If you’d still like to do it, and it’s not an obligation, you can get back to them and say yes.  However, if it doesn’t bring you joy when thinking of the potential commitment, see if you can abstain from saying yes.  
  • If someone reacts in an upsetting way, try not to  join them.  Wait until a later date to let them know how that reaction impacted you.  This way you have a chance of being heard and understood. 

Nature Speaks, The Forty-Sixth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal

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Autumn colors fire up Central Park.  I had the good fortune of walking through the park on several occasions this past week.  I was reminded that this season represents the last of the foliage as the trees and plants prepare for the winter.  Following winter comes a renewal as Spring brings greenery and flowers to enjoy.  Just seeing the colorful trees brought hope. 

 I realized that whatever hardship I’m going through, whatever darkness we’re witnessing in the world, change is inevitable.  For that I am grateful.  

“This too shall pass” is a wonderful mantra.  The more we face adversity, the more important it is to remember that whatever we’re going through is temporary.  When we’re in the eye of the storm surviving may be our first priority.  But as we get through it, giving ourselves grace, meaning making room for our experiences, we come to know that there are subtle shifts that take place along the way.  

I remember many long drives on the weekends of my youth.  The six of us would crowd into the car.  My father was first to get in, my mother last. Sometimes my dad would move our Ford station wagon down the driveway to indicate that he was ready to go.  The car smelled of wet boxes and stale mints.  I liked the far back, looking into the rear window seeing where we just passed.  In the Autumn months I got bored on the roads with few signposts.  As my mother waxed poetic about the turning leaves, I was only taken by the deep red tree coverings.  

It was only years later in my adulthood that I could appreciate the beauty of Autumn’s majestic transformation.  And this past week the visual display shifted my perspective.  Simple gifts of nature make such a difference.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • When things are tough and you’re able to take it in, remember that “This too shall pass.”
  • Look around the natural world and breath in the gifts you see, hear or feel.  
  • Keep scents close by that induce calm.  I love vanilla, as well as my rose and almond oil hand soap.  How about you?  

Consciously Unconscious, The Forty-Fifth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal

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I was taken off guard.   I thought I was going through present difficulties consciously.  I was meditating.  I was practicing gratitude.  I was reaching out to friends.  And, yet the combination of a dear friend dying while adjusting to Larry, my husband, having a serious injury, along with the horrific world events, had me spiral so that I made poor choices, acted impulsively, inadvertently hurt others, all while losing sleep.  My reactivity was to repeat the pattern these last two weeks.  

If I hurt you, I am very sorry. It is said that we can do better when we know better.  It would have seemed that I knew better.  I did not.  I was in a fog of denial that prolonged my suffering.  I wish I could say that I was kinder and gentler after I hurt others. Sadly that was not the case.  It was only when I was being so hard on myself that I recognized very old behavior.

There is a hubris in believing that we are immune to unconscious behavior if we’re “doing all the right things.”  Being human is a process of uncovering our unconscious parts.  It took a trifecta of stressors to have me dig deeper.  Boy, am I humbled.  

Since I am in the middle of learning what I have to learn to grow now, I have no wisdom to impart.  I suppose I can share that we don’t know what we don’t know.  I am hoping to continue the learning process so that I do know better and therefore can be better.  These present life lessons are knockouts.  I am getting up slowly to face them, hopefully with more compassion and kindness.  I need that now.  From what I’m seeing, we all need that now.  

Self-Care Tips: 

  • If you are being hard on yourself, pause.  Ask yourself what’s upsetting you?  Is hurting yourself with thoughts familiar to you?  Has it worked?  (It’s never helped me feel better.)  What can you do that includes self-compassion and kindness?  Then try it.  
  • If you find you’re very reactive, getting upset easily, understand that these times might be hard for you.  See if you can give yourself a break.  When necessary warn those around you that you’re sorry but you may get upset easily.  And when that happens take the time to repair the damage if others are amenable.
  •   Forgive yourself. We’re all human.  We can learn so much from feeling shame, ending the cycle of being mean to ourselves because we made troubling mistakes.  That is how we learn and grow. 

Daylight Savings Time, The Forty-Fourth Week in the Second Year of the New Abnormal

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I voted early yesterday.  I like my councilwoman and I wanted to keep her in office.  What I don’t get to vote for is the abolishment of daylight savings time.  We turned the clocks back last night, and ostensibly we got an extra hour of sleep.  Then in April we “spring” ahead losing that hour.  I say, no thank you.  

As a child, I was delighted to stay in my pajamas longer on a crisp Autumn Sunday.  Now, it feels like a game I’m playing that I never agreed to participate in.  I accept the inevitability of daylight savings time along with other events not of my choosing.  

I believe Daylight Savings Time or “DST” began in 1908 in Thunder Bay, Canada, a northern bay town of Lake Superior.   It was decided that DST would help to take advantage of the daylight while also conserving energy.  Then two years into WWI the Germans and Austrians instituted DST and it became an international trend.  And, though not a trend in all countries, it is observed by over seventy countries worldwide.  

I have no doubt that it works to some advantage for others.  But, for me, given the upside-down state of our world, I’ll take a modicum of stability when I can.  

Whatever your stance on DST, may your day be bright, and your shorter days be filled with light.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • While there may not be a lot in life that’s under your control, try to find the few things that you can freely choose and enjoy your personal selections within the options available.  
  • If you’re someone who leans on routines, see if you’re able to switch it up.  In this way you can experience something new, both in the new action taken, as well as the reaction to it.  One example is to put your shoes on opposite to the way you’re used to putting them on.  If you start with the right food, try starting with the left.  If you put both socks on before you put your shoes on, try putting one sock on followed by your shoe, then repeat.   
  • If you’re in New York City, go to the marathon path today and be inspired by the racers. If not, enjoy seeing aerial views on TV.