Category Archives: Autumn

MCNY, Week Forty-Seven in the No Longer New Abnormal

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The Museum of the City of New York on 103rd and Fifth Avenue is an unsung museum.  I love making this destination walk.  Even when I’ve seen all the recent exhibits, the gift shop is terrific.  And, they have a lovely café on the second floor, too.  But the museum, their exhibits and events are really something special.  MCNY, as it is known, is large enough to see something different in each exhibit, but small enough that you could enjoy the entire museum, knowing you’ve taken in art, history and local lore.  

I went this past week for their annual gingerbread house contest.  Not only is it a display of ingenious edible architecture, but the aroma alone creates an enticing atmosphere.  But I ended up staying for every other display, except the dollhouse, which I’ve seen on previous visits.  The Deco New York show is as rich and glamorous as it sounds.  The city in the 20th century is a comprehensive walk through history.  And the half-floor dedicated to Shirley Chisholm is an appropriate homage to a true trailblazer.  

I may not get all my paperwork and cleaning done, but visiting museums, as well as going to live theater, dance, and music events, brings ongoing joy that support my work, my heart and my soul.  What could be better than that?  Okay, equal or better would be those I love, my family, friends, colleagues and clients who also bring great joy to my life.  

What brings you joy? 

Self-Care Tips:

  • Write a list of tasks before bedtime. Once they are on the page for the next day or for the next week, it takes up less room in your head, allowing for more restful slumber. 
  • We can never get enough of this dynamic duo singing about Happy Days/Getting Happy:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFVxX3RtyhQ perhaps now more than ever.  
  • Visit the Museum of the City of New York.  And, if you can’t get to the city, here is the website:  https://www.mcny.org

Change is Inevitable, Week Forty-Four in the No Longer New Abnormal

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If change is the only constant in life, why do we have such a hard time with it?  When two old friends died this past week I was grateful to have known them. Although my life will not change much since they were no longer regular presences in my current life, their kindness, compassion and humor have stayed with me since we met in the 80’s.  However, their close family and friends now will feel the change in their lives profoundly, as do we all when death comes to those we love.  

On another note, over 50,000 people are running in the New York City marathon today.  For many this is their first marathon and if they’re able to cross the finish line they will be marathoners.  That will change how they know themselves today and going forward.   If, they are unable to cross because of injury or for other reasons, their expectations will probably feel like a loss, and they will feel changed in ways very different from their fellow runners.    

Even the mundane changes of everyday life have an impact.  Our vacuum cleaner broke.  How and why remain a mystery. But finding one that will hold up to our needs, while staying within a budget, then learning how to use it properly, take away from much needed rest this weekend.  While I can derive a sense of mild accomplishment by using the new vacuum, I prefer not to have to deal with the regular failings of products and services.  

And as a nation, we are facing a huge change.  We’re about to have a new president.  That is a change that will make a lot happy and others scared, sad or angry.  What will it mean?  How do we handle it?  Change in our lives won’t end.  Some changes are welcome, while others upset us, or at worst, hurt us.  My hope is that we learn and grow from change. Let’s rise to the challenge to be our better selves.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • When faced with a disappointing change, acknowledge the upset, and when the time is right, see what is needed to accommodate the change.  Balance caring for yourself and taking steps to live with the new circumstances. 
  • Purposely take one action that will create a change you want.  Open a savings account and deposit a small amount for an intended goal.  Or run one block to start a new habit.  One small step can make a big difference.  
  • Find the humor.  Bringing levity to stressful times is imperative for anxious times.  

Fourth Quarter, Week Forty in the No Longer new Abnormal

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We are entering the last quarter of 2024.  I feel like I’m rushing to accomplish what I had intended this year.  Some things take longer than others.  I had hoped I would have been able to promote my book more, but I had so much to learn.  And some of the promotion is not for me.  Given it isn’t what I had imagined, it’s important that I am grateful for what I could do.  I am grateful for all those who supported me and the book.  And, I am grateful for the lessons I’ve learned thus far, like the fact that I prefer smaller discussions to larger presentations.  And that I don’t enjoy marketing, nor have I ever enjoyed it.  Sharing something freely and needing to sell something are very different.  

I was in sales for a number of years in my teens and early twenties.  I started by working the cash register at my father’s shoe store.  I learned quickly that the description of a job and the job itself weren’t one in the same.  Being a cashier also meant vacuuming, stocking shoes, running lunch orders, and doing inventory.  I stayed in sales at local department stores, and when I came to New York City in 1981, I worked at Bloomingdales.  It was a glamorous store where I got to see many celebrities, imaging that this tentative connection had deep meaning for my hopes to be an actress.  I did love being there, though I was not so fond of the low pay.  But being in Manhattan and close to the theater district were enthralling.  It didn’t feel like sales, but more like sharing new discoveries.  

In the 80s, Bloomingdales was a hub of activity.  Andy Warhol walking through the store with his entourage was a regular occurrence.  Meeting Liza Minelli who was shopping with her sister, Lorna Luft, was not.  Waiting on Donald Sutherland was another highlight, finding his gentle demeanor as disarming in person as on the big screen.  I also loved the special international features and displays throughout the store that promoted fashion, art, films, food, and history from whatever country was being showcased.  So when I was passing through Bloomingdales yesterday it was nice to see that they were experiencing a renaissance.  Italy was having its moment at the flagship store.  I waxed nostalgic remembering the energy of those earlier years.  Glad to see the store, at least for this moment, has gone back to its roots.  

Now while I look back on the many fortunate experiences I’ve enjoyed, I will go into the last quarter of this year to create new memories.  I’ll enjoy seeing actors on stage exercising their craft rather than shopping on their time off.  I will slowly promote my book on my terms.  And, I will appreciate working as a psychotherapist with amazing individuals, rather than as a salesperson seeing others for brief encounters.  

Self-Care Tips:  

  • Review what you’ve accomplished or learned so far this year, while thinking of what you may plan for the next three months.  
  • Slow down when possible.  It allows us to enjoy the moment even while moving forward.  
  • Remember that joy comes from feeling your feelings no matter how hard that can be.  Joy is not denying hard feelings and topping them with forced happiness.  

Spilled Coffee, The Forty-Seventh Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal

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I spilled my coffee earlier this week.  And I then let out a loud string of expletives to vocalize my frustration.  I cleaned up the mess and then rushed to work.  Not the way I had wanted to start my day.  My reaction, though provoked,  made it clear that I need some down time.  It may not be the vacation that I’ve fantasized, but even an evening in, or a task free afternoon will do at this point.  

To that end, this will be a brief post.  I will not be replying to comments.  I will be choosing to do less.  Since I have a history of blurry boundaries, stating this upfront may seem clumsy, but at least I’m stating what I need.  

Too many of us, particularly women and marginalized populations, try to keep up, which can keep us down.  I invite you to join me in taking time off, even a fifteen-minute break.  Perhaps if enough of us did that we would see less negative reactivity in our worlds.  Less acting out.  

Taking a time out, which for this adult is a gift not a punishment, will allow me the space and time to regroup.  So if I spill my coffee again, I may be able to offer one expletive, rather than an endless string.  Then I hope to simply get a towel and soak up the liquid.   

  • Should you notice you’re more reactive, find time for a short break, or, if possible, take a longer period of time off.  
  • Before making more commitments, say, “I’ll think about it.”  If you’d still like to do it, and it’s not an obligation, you can get back to them and say yes.  However, if it doesn’t bring you joy when thinking of the potential commitment, see if you can abstain from saying yes.  
  • If someone reacts in an upsetting way, try not to  join them.  Wait until a later date to let them know how that reaction impacted you.  This way you have a chance of being heard and understood. 

Nature Speaks, The Forty-Sixth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal

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Autumn colors fire up Central Park.  I had the good fortune of walking through the park on several occasions this past week.  I was reminded that this season represents the last of the foliage as the trees and plants prepare for the winter.  Following winter comes a renewal as Spring brings greenery and flowers to enjoy.  Just seeing the colorful trees brought hope. 

 I realized that whatever hardship I’m going through, whatever darkness we’re witnessing in the world, change is inevitable.  For that I am grateful.  

“This too shall pass” is a wonderful mantra.  The more we face adversity, the more important it is to remember that whatever we’re going through is temporary.  When we’re in the eye of the storm surviving may be our first priority.  But as we get through it, giving ourselves grace, meaning making room for our experiences, we come to know that there are subtle shifts that take place along the way.  

I remember many long drives on the weekends of my youth.  The six of us would crowd into the car.  My father was first to get in, my mother last. Sometimes my dad would move our Ford station wagon down the driveway to indicate that he was ready to go.  The car smelled of wet boxes and stale mints.  I liked the far back, looking into the rear window seeing where we just passed.  In the Autumn months I got bored on the roads with few signposts.  As my mother waxed poetic about the turning leaves, I was only taken by the deep red tree coverings.  

It was only years later in my adulthood that I could appreciate the beauty of Autumn’s majestic transformation.  And this past week the visual display shifted my perspective.  Simple gifts of nature make such a difference.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • When things are tough and you’re able to take it in, remember that “This too shall pass.”
  • Look around the natural world and breath in the gifts you see, hear or feel.  
  • Keep scents close by that induce calm.  I love vanilla, as well as my rose and almond oil hand soap.  How about you?