Category Archives: communication

MCNY, Week Forty-Seven in the No Longer New Abnormal

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The Museum of the City of New York on 103rd and Fifth Avenue is an unsung museum.  I love making this destination walk.  Even when I’ve seen all the recent exhibits, the gift shop is terrific.  And, they have a lovely café on the second floor, too.  But the museum, their exhibits and events are really something special.  MCNY, as it is known, is large enough to see something different in each exhibit, but small enough that you could enjoy the entire museum, knowing you’ve taken in art, history and local lore.  

I went this past week for their annual gingerbread house contest.  Not only is it a display of ingenious edible architecture, but the aroma alone creates an enticing atmosphere.  But I ended up staying for every other display, except the dollhouse, which I’ve seen on previous visits.  The Deco New York show is as rich and glamorous as it sounds.  The city in the 20th century is a comprehensive walk through history.  And the half-floor dedicated to Shirley Chisholm is an appropriate homage to a true trailblazer.  

I may not get all my paperwork and cleaning done, but visiting museums, as well as going to live theater, dance, and music events, brings ongoing joy that support my work, my heart and my soul.  What could be better than that?  Okay, equal or better would be those I love, my family, friends, colleagues and clients who also bring great joy to my life.  

What brings you joy? 

Self-Care Tips:

  • Write a list of tasks before bedtime. Once they are on the page for the next day or for the next week, it takes up less room in your head, allowing for more restful slumber. 
  • We can never get enough of this dynamic duo singing about Happy Days/Getting Happy:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFVxX3RtyhQ perhaps now more than ever.  
  • Visit the Museum of the City of New York.  And, if you can’t get to the city, here is the website:  https://www.mcny.org

Best Non-Fiction of 2024, Week Fourty-Six in the No Longer New Abnormal

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I was reading through my emails when I received a thoughtful text from a very kind person who sent me a picture of my book on the table of the Best Non-Fiction of 2024.  This was at the Barnes & Noble on the Upper Eastside of Manhattan.  How considerate it was to send me that picture.  And, how thrilled I was seeing my book in the photo.  It’s been challenging playing the promotion game, and I am not great at promoting my own interests.  Yes, I think the book would be helpful especially at this time.  I think it’s important to find the self-care tips during hardships whenever and wherever they show up.  And, thinking of what got us through past difficulties allows us to remember that we will get through this, too.  Those were a couple of reasons I wrote In the Time of Coronavirus.   I was so pleased when good reviews started to come in from those I didn’t know.  And, grateful for the couple of reviews from those who do know me, and still liked the book. 

It’s been easy these past weeks to focus on negative news.  And there’s plenty of it.  So I will take the joy where I find it.  Today it was looking at the text, and appreciating the kindness it took in sending it to me. It made my day.  And, though I am not comfortable doing promotions, I am challenging myself by sharing the picture here.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Brag a little.  Sometimes we need to advocate for ourselves by tooting our own horn.  I highly suggest this for shy or self-critical individuals.  It has meaning to state an accomplishment.  
  • Find what is funny.  We need laughter now more than ever.  I welcome suggestions.  I suggest Abbott Elementary, New Yorker cartoons, Wanda Sykes latest Netflix special. 
  • Practice active listening.  Rather than bring up a related topic based on a personal thought or experience, learn from what the other person is saying.  Listen for new information.  

Quotes for This Moment, Week Forty-Five in the No Longer new Abnormal

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Rather than add to the disquieting mix of this past week’s conversation, I am going to share two quotes that may be helpful now and going forward.  The first one was shared by my sister-in-law, Catherine North.  She has always been a champion for encouraging the best in those around her.  The second quote was shard in response to the first as a continuation of inspiration.  That was shared by a newer friend who I came to know during the pandemic.  Her name is Erin Falk and she lives with joy sharing her adventures as if we were there.  The pictures were taken this past week.  Walking helped me see what I love in and about the city of New York.  

This is by Howard Zinn, Historian and author, 1922 to 2010.  

“”To be hopeful in bad times is based on the fact that human history is not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness. If we see only the worst, it destroys our capacity to do something. If we remember those times and places where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us the energy to act. And if we do act, in however small a way, we don’t have to

wait for some grand Utopian future. The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory.”

And from the Writer and author, Toni Morrison, 1931 to 2019:

“This is precisely the time when artists go to work. There is no time for despair, no place for self-pity, no need for silence, no room for fear. We speak, we write, we do language. That is how civilizations heal.

I know the world is bruised and bleeding, and though it is important not to ignore its pain, it is also critical to refuse to succumb to its malevolence. Like failure, chaos contains information that can lead to knowledge — even wisdom. Like art.”

Self-Care Tips:

  • Go for a walk.  The sheer act of movement helps to metabolize emotions helping to bring clarity
  • Take in art.  See a film, read a book, view art, get to a live performance.  All art can be transcendent.
  • Buy the book.  In the Time of Coronavirus has many self-care tips that can assist throughout the next years.  If you have the book, just open it up and maybe you can find a tip that will help to soothe.  https://janetzinn.com/product/in-the-time-of-coronavirus  

Marilyn Maye, Week Forty-One in the No Longer New Abnormal

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Marilyn Maye is a legend.   Perhaps you haven’t heard of her?  She is a 92-year-old cabaret singer who gives her audiences stylized singing and beautiful arrangements of standards.  I had been meaning to see her for years and it finally happened this past week. A dear friend and I came to see her at 54 Below, the storied cabaret underneath the Studio 54 Theater.  Marilyn’s first album came out in 1965.  She appeared on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson more than any other singer, 76 times.  I could go on, but you can easily look her up.  

She is a pro.  Her warmth and generosity are palpable.  She loves her audiences, and we love her back.  It was inspiring to see her perform.  Not only is she a consummate pro, but she makes it seem easy to share her love of the music while standing for her entire set.  The couple with whom we were sharing our table have seen her show over thirty times.  This is not unusual with her audiences.  Prior to the show we watched a community of fans greet each other as if they were reunited for another family event. 

What inspired me most when watching a master at work, was that Marilyn Maye was doing what she loves on her own terms.  Few of us have her longevity, let alone the stamina to constantly work on our craft and then dazzle others.  She has what it takes, and she shares it freely.  Going to her show has given me the vivacity to keep going.  I may or may not realize my future dreams, but Marilyn Maye inspired me to do all I can to continually pursue them.  She has a gift and she keeps on giving. 

Self-Care Tips:  

  • Learn from those older than you.  So many have wisdom that they are happy to share.  It might just inspire you.  
  • Bring alacrity to your craft.  When you add a positive energy to what you’re doing it’s uplifting for you and others. 
  • Don’t forget to sing.  It’s a mod changer.  

Not Okay, Week Thirty-Seven in the No Longer New Abnormal

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It is good to be home.  I was so happy to see clients again, and I look forward to seeing the few I haven’t seen yet in the next weeks.  One of the self-care tips in last week’s post was my suggestion to complain.  And, that’s what I did this week.  I wrote letters to the various companies that provided less than adequate service.  I was not mean or disrespectful, but I did let them know that offering incentives rather than ignoring customers comments can build loyalty.  Delta Airlines was the only corporation who did their best to make up for their shortcomings.  Although they cannot give us back the time we lost or the experiences we weren’t able to enjoy, they contacted me on email and by phone to try to ensure they did what they could to ameliorate the situation .  I really appreciate that.  

I grew up working for my father’s business, a small shoe store in South Jersey.  During the busy seasons, back to school, the winter holidays, and Easter, the hours were long.  My father and his employees instilled in me the need to take good care of the customers.  The motto went, “the customer is always right.”  Sometimes they stretched that by bringing in shoes that were well worn insisting on a free new pair because of some recent issue with them.  I could not tell them that the life of the shoe was over.  My job was to make sure they left satisfied.  My father lost a lot of money thar way.  But he was a proud businessman, and he made sure that my customer service was impeccable.  That has stayed with me throughout my working life.  

I do get it wrong from time to time.  I’m sure I’ve said something or have behaved in a way that may have upset some.  I will own up to it when it’s relayed back to me.  So, I want to give businesses the benefit of the doubt by letting them know what didn’t work, what they can do to make it better, if that’s possible, and to let them know I will vote with my wallet.  I will give them repeat business if I matter as a customer.  And I will find another source of service if I they don’t do the right thing.  So many companies spend a great deal of their budget on promotion and sales.  They forget that giving good service on the back end is just as important.  I am glad I wrote the letters giving me a voice.  They may not want to hear it, but at least there’s a chance for change if I say something.  I hope to hear from one or more of the companies. If I don’t that’s okay, I did what I could and now I can let it go.  Hopefully no more letters have to be written in the future.  I am so appreciative when businesses and employees go above and beyond.  They make a lasting difference.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • When a business representative treats you poorly or ignores you, say something, whether in person, in an email, a letter or an online form.  Speak to the source.  Sometimes it’s human error, and sometimes someone isn’t suited for customer service.  But you deserve a voice in these interactions.  
  • Try to give others the benefit of the doubt.  Usually, people do not want to be unhappy.  Often, they aren’t aware how they come across.  When we give another the benefit of the doubt, we create space for change because we are not blaming them, which puts them on the defensive and perpetuates the negative cycle.  
  • It’s September, clean out your freezer.  Find what needs to be thrown away, what you forgot you had that can be a meal this week, and what you might want to restock.  

There is Kindness, Week Thirty-Five in the No LOnger New Abnormal

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I was on a walk, and I came across a clergyman in a booth outside his church.  He was there to provide kindness, spiritual support, and to make passersby smile.  I love that he serves the community in this way.  It is reminiscent of Lucy’s Psychiatric Help 5 cent booth.  Growing up I loved watching or reading Peanuts cartoons.  I had a soft spot for Charlie Brown, knowing what it was like to be an underdog, yet fortunate enough to have kind friends like Linus or Peppermint Patty.  

I have had the good fortune of hearing Pastor Gregory, the church’s clergy, give a eulogy for a friend.  His warmth is ever-present, his kindness infectious.  It was a meaningful reminder when I saw him on the corner ready for anyone who approached, that every day is alive and well .  His very presence renewed my faith in humanity.  His life is committed to service.  And, with his humor and compassion he walks the walk.  

Later in my stroll I took a moment to sit on a park bench to removing gravel from my open-toed shoes having traversed the path around the reservoir.  I saw a plaque that honored our dogs and again I smiled and appreciated the joy shared by the couple who donated the plaque.  They could easily have memorialized themselves, but instead they showed gratitude and honored our relationship with dogs.  And, even later in the day I was making my way to the laundry room when two neighbors I didn’t know stepped into the elevator and held it for me.  I didn’t need it, but they gave up their time to wait for an older and slower neighbor, just in case.  Again, kindness reigns.  

In these divisive times, made even more contentious while we move closer to election day, it makes a tremendous difference when we can take in and appreciate the goodness around us.  It costs us nothing to be caring towards others, yet it seems to be easier to criticize or complain rather than act with kindness.  Today was a day that reminded me that there are good people sharing goodness in simple ways that are meaningfully impactful.

Self-Care Tips:  

  • Have patience with a stranger.  They may need the extra care you provide.  
  • If you’re on the Upper Eastside on a Tuesday morning, stop by 88th and Lexington to visit with Pastor Gregory.  https://www.immanuelnyc.org
  • Take a moment to smell the flowers.  Though the lilacs are drying up, bring them to our noses is a fragrant joy.  

Choices, Week Thirty-Four in the No Longer new Abnormal

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When thinking about what to write this week I went through several topics.  I thought of feeling refreshed from being away, but thought it sounded elitist.  I was thinking about writing on simplifying my life, but at this point it’s an idea rather than something I’m practicing presently.  Then I thought of speaking about how happy I am to work after being away, but it didn’t feel like it was going anywhere.  So I’ve settled on a short piece about making choices.  Some choices, like what to write this week, are low stakes.  Some choices, like how to support a loved one suffering, are harder to assess.  No matter our choices, most of us will second guess ourselves.  We believe there’s a right or perfect option.  Usually that’s not the case.  We choose as best we can given where we are in our lives and the circumstances surrounding the choices.  

When I was younger I preferred others to make decisions.  I was too uncomfortable to be responsible for anyone not liking a choice I made.  I learned to repress my own disappointment when others made choices that weren’t my preference since I wasn’t going to take the ball into my own hands and run with it.  it’s taken many years and many “failed” attempts to learn that I have a say in how I live my life.  There’s a peace that comes from choosing what is right for me in the here and now.  Even if I have to clean up a mess that I hadn’t anticipated, I become more conscious as time goes on.  

What if we thought of our choices as life lessons?  We learn from what we choose.  Sometimes it means we learn to trust our instincts when we have a gut feeling but are swayed by others’ ideas of practical solutions.  Sometimes we make a choice and it may upset someone else.  Can that be an opportunity to see if you share the same values?  Or can it be a chance to work through the difference of opinion?  So many in this world are left with no choices because of the cruelty of others, poverty, or other external strife.  Sometimes that conflict stems from within.  In those moments compassion for ourselves or others may be the only kind choice to make.  

Whatever hard or easy choices you face, may you be easy on yourself, understanding that at the very least you’ll learn something useful that will help you with future choices.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • An exercise in making conscious choices: switch up a routine.  If you brush your teeth front to back, or top then bottom, do it the other way to see how it feels.  Or if you’re a sock, sock, shoe, shoe person.  Try sock, shoe, or start with your left foot rather than the right. You might feel differently, but your habits become moments of awareness.  Self-Care Tips:  
  • Donate to an underfunded class or school.  Now is the time they need school supplies.  If you can donate in your city, town or community that would be great.  If not, here is one link:  https://www.adoptaclassroom.org
  • When you are confronted with a choice, whether easy or hard, allow yourself the courage to make the choice, being open to learning from the process of choosing and the ensuing results.  

Traveling, Week Thirty-Two in the No Longer New Abnormal

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This weekend I walked in the steaming heat enjoying Summer Streets while traversing Park Avenue without cars.  I will miss the next two Saturdays, so it was a pleasant reprieve to have more than enough room while walking among pedestrians, runners, and cyclists.  I am going away.  Initially I packed for a hot summer, but according to the lower temperatures in Dublin I was ill prepared.  Following my lovely and tiring walk, I  unpacked and repacked for a ten-day trip to Ireland.  Instead of tank tops and sandals I’m bringing sweaters and socks.  

I am very excited.  Reading Edna O’Brian and Roddy Doyle, starting in high school, have instilled in me a love of Ireland, though I’ve never step foot on the Island.  It was my college friend, Shawn Wilson’s idea.  We had been trying to get together for years.  We both have busy professional lives with very different schedules.  Shawn threw out the idea and the trip was planned within a day.  Not only did we agree on the one week that was good for both of us, but she found an amazing local tour that appealed to both of us.  Since I am usually the planner in my family, it was an extra luxury to have my friend take care of the details.  

We’ll meet up in Dublin and go from there, probably taking too many pictures.  In the meantime, I have a few off-the-beaten-path pictures of New York City, pre-vacation.  

Self-Care Tips:  

  • Hugs.  If you know a good hugger exchange a great hug.  If you are on your own, wrap your arms around yourself for a self-loving embrace.  
  • Seek out something unusual for you.  Read an article from another point of view.  Look up an unfamiliar country and find out about its culture, foods, landscape and customs.
  • Enjoy in-season fruits and vegetables.  The peaches are divine.  The strawberries and blueberries are at their peak.  And summer squash is sweet and versatile.  

The Half-Way Mark, Week Twenty-Six in the No Longer New Abnormal

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We are officially halfway through 2024.  It’s a great time to reevaluate then manage any expectations we’ve had for this year.  This is the year I’ve had my first, and perhaps my last, book published.  It feels good to have accomplished that.  I am now in the weeds attempting to promote the book while working full-time.  Promotions do not come naturally for me so it feels like I’m rolling a big bolder uphill uncertain if like Icarus is will roll down again.   But I’m challenging myself to do what I can and then challenging myself yet again let go of the results.  When I measure my self-worth by the results I produce I may experience a fleeting high, but in the end I try my best to be proud of going beyond my limits no matter how things turn out.  

These days doing TikTok and Instagram videos with self-care tips is way beyond my comfort zone.  Every day I tell myself that I can quit and enjoy some quiet time.  I think I’ll keep going for now taking my quiet time in August like most traditional psychotherapists.  I started the year with other goals as well.  One was to give away more stuff than I brought in.  I have been giving stuff away, but I am not great at letting go of things I like.  I was also going to stretch more and do more yoga.  I keep my yoga mat out in my home office.  Many days it’s aspirational.  But the mornings I include it in my routine I feel good.  Not so much for checking it off my list, but for giving myself a little something extra to get through my day.  I will take the wins where I can.  

I hope this half-way mark of this year allows you to reflect on your accomplishments and take it easy on yourself for the ongoing hopes and aspirations you may have.  There’s a time to push ourselves, and a time to be gentle.  My experience has been when I’m pushing too hard it’s time for some gentle kindness.  But really, when is it ever not a time for kindness for ourselves?  No time I can think of.  

Self-Care Tips:  

  • Reassess what is possible and probable this year and find a way to accept this new information.
  • Look for free opportunities in your area.  In NYC we have galleries, traveling Shakespeare, concerts and so much more.  You may enjoy a local sports event, a history walk or whatever is offered locally.
  • Clean out your medicine cabinet.  There’s bound to be expired products and cosmetics, soaps or other items you no longer use.  

Broken Phone, Week Twenty-Five in the No Longer New Abnormal

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I was surprised today when I dropped my iPhone and the case cracked that it didn’t create a tailspin in which I cracked a bit, too.  Instead, I was thankful that I gave myself a day with a flexible schedule allowing me to take Lucy and me to the Apple store to have my phone repaired.  I even sat patiently waiting for my turn as Lucy demanded treats since it wasn’t her idea to leave our neighborhood.  Luckily I unknowingly stocked enough treats for the day.  

I can get a bit unhinged when things don’t go my way.  When I plan for an easy day it usually does not include hours in pursuit of a phone repair.  Somehow I wasn’t miffed.  I did what I needed to do. Though they were unable to fix my phone today, they will have the part next week.  And, Larry, who works at Apple, can take my phone in, leaving me phoneless for a day next weekend.  But it’s not a day with a phone session, so I think I’ll be okay.  

I am grateful for whatever was in play that allowed for a calm day despite the change in plans.  I espouse going with the flow, but I am not always the poster girl for that sentiment.  Somehow today was different.  Maybe it had to do that I wasn’t under a tight schedule.  Often self-enforces I try to get a lot done in any given day.  Maybe today will help me to take it easy more.  I have to say it certainly is more pleasant than adding pressure to accomplish more and more.  In having less to do, I was able to take care of what was most important.  Lucy got a long walk in, and I got to make sure my phone will be fixed.  

All in all a good day, cracked phone included.  

Self-Care Tips:  

  • Try to lighten up your schedule to make room for the unexpected
  • Make a note when you have a different reaction to an unwanted situation.  If you are more upset, check in with yourself to see if it’s added to existing stressors.  And if it’s less than maddening, appreciate the moment and enjoy the emotional freedom when it presents itself.  
  • Rather than judging yourself when you judge another, see if you can detach from the thought allowing that it’s a thought not an indictment of your character.  When we judge ourselves for judging others we only add to our judgements.  When we release the thought, we lessen what we deem unbecoming. Thus we are kinder to ourselves leading the way to have more compassion for others.