Category Archives: Impulses

Not Okay, Week Thirty-Seven in the No Longer New Abnormal

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It is good to be home.  I was so happy to see clients again, and I look forward to seeing the few I haven’t seen yet in the next weeks.  One of the self-care tips in last week’s post was my suggestion to complain.  And, that’s what I did this week.  I wrote letters to the various companies that provided less than adequate service.  I was not mean or disrespectful, but I did let them know that offering incentives rather than ignoring customers comments can build loyalty.  Delta Airlines was the only corporation who did their best to make up for their shortcomings.  Although they cannot give us back the time we lost or the experiences we weren’t able to enjoy, they contacted me on email and by phone to try to ensure they did what they could to ameliorate the situation .  I really appreciate that.  

I grew up working for my father’s business, a small shoe store in South Jersey.  During the busy seasons, back to school, the winter holidays, and Easter, the hours were long.  My father and his employees instilled in me the need to take good care of the customers.  The motto went, “the customer is always right.”  Sometimes they stretched that by bringing in shoes that were well worn insisting on a free new pair because of some recent issue with them.  I could not tell them that the life of the shoe was over.  My job was to make sure they left satisfied.  My father lost a lot of money thar way.  But he was a proud businessman, and he made sure that my customer service was impeccable.  That has stayed with me throughout my working life.  

I do get it wrong from time to time.  I’m sure I’ve said something or have behaved in a way that may have upset some.  I will own up to it when it’s relayed back to me.  So, I want to give businesses the benefit of the doubt by letting them know what didn’t work, what they can do to make it better, if that’s possible, and to let them know I will vote with my wallet.  I will give them repeat business if I matter as a customer.  And I will find another source of service if I they don’t do the right thing.  So many companies spend a great deal of their budget on promotion and sales.  They forget that giving good service on the back end is just as important.  I am glad I wrote the letters giving me a voice.  They may not want to hear it, but at least there’s a chance for change if I say something.  I hope to hear from one or more of the companies. If I don’t that’s okay, I did what I could and now I can let it go.  Hopefully no more letters have to be written in the future.  I am so appreciative when businesses and employees go above and beyond.  They make a lasting difference.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • When a business representative treats you poorly or ignores you, say something, whether in person, in an email, a letter or an online form.  Speak to the source.  Sometimes it’s human error, and sometimes someone isn’t suited for customer service.  But you deserve a voice in these interactions.  
  • Try to give others the benefit of the doubt.  Usually, people do not want to be unhappy.  Often, they aren’t aware how they come across.  When we give another the benefit of the doubt, we create space for change because we are not blaming them, which puts them on the defensive and perpetuates the negative cycle.  
  • It’s September, clean out your freezer.  Find what needs to be thrown away, what you forgot you had that can be a meal this week, and what you might want to restock.  

There is Kindness, Week Thirty-Five in the No LOnger New Abnormal

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I was on a walk, and I came across a clergyman in a booth outside his church.  He was there to provide kindness, spiritual support, and to make passersby smile.  I love that he serves the community in this way.  It is reminiscent of Lucy’s Psychiatric Help 5 cent booth.  Growing up I loved watching or reading Peanuts cartoons.  I had a soft spot for Charlie Brown, knowing what it was like to be an underdog, yet fortunate enough to have kind friends like Linus or Peppermint Patty.  

I have had the good fortune of hearing Pastor Gregory, the church’s clergy, give a eulogy for a friend.  His warmth is ever-present, his kindness infectious.  It was a meaningful reminder when I saw him on the corner ready for anyone who approached, that every day is alive and well .  His very presence renewed my faith in humanity.  His life is committed to service.  And, with his humor and compassion he walks the walk.  

Later in my stroll I took a moment to sit on a park bench to removing gravel from my open-toed shoes having traversed the path around the reservoir.  I saw a plaque that honored our dogs and again I smiled and appreciated the joy shared by the couple who donated the plaque.  They could easily have memorialized themselves, but instead they showed gratitude and honored our relationship with dogs.  And, even later in the day I was making my way to the laundry room when two neighbors I didn’t know stepped into the elevator and held it for me.  I didn’t need it, but they gave up their time to wait for an older and slower neighbor, just in case.  Again, kindness reigns.  

In these divisive times, made even more contentious while we move closer to election day, it makes a tremendous difference when we can take in and appreciate the goodness around us.  It costs us nothing to be caring towards others, yet it seems to be easier to criticize or complain rather than act with kindness.  Today was a day that reminded me that there are good people sharing goodness in simple ways that are meaningfully impactful.

Self-Care Tips:  

  • Have patience with a stranger.  They may need the extra care you provide.  
  • If you’re on the Upper Eastside on a Tuesday morning, stop by 88th and Lexington to visit with Pastor Gregory.  https://www.immanuelnyc.org
  • Take a moment to smell the flowers.  Though the lilacs are drying up, bring them to our noses is a fragrant joy.  

Choices, Week Thirty-Four in the No Longer new Abnormal

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When thinking about what to write this week I went through several topics.  I thought of feeling refreshed from being away, but thought it sounded elitist.  I was thinking about writing on simplifying my life, but at this point it’s an idea rather than something I’m practicing presently.  Then I thought of speaking about how happy I am to work after being away, but it didn’t feel like it was going anywhere.  So I’ve settled on a short piece about making choices.  Some choices, like what to write this week, are low stakes.  Some choices, like how to support a loved one suffering, are harder to assess.  No matter our choices, most of us will second guess ourselves.  We believe there’s a right or perfect option.  Usually that’s not the case.  We choose as best we can given where we are in our lives and the circumstances surrounding the choices.  

When I was younger I preferred others to make decisions.  I was too uncomfortable to be responsible for anyone not liking a choice I made.  I learned to repress my own disappointment when others made choices that weren’t my preference since I wasn’t going to take the ball into my own hands and run with it.  it’s taken many years and many “failed” attempts to learn that I have a say in how I live my life.  There’s a peace that comes from choosing what is right for me in the here and now.  Even if I have to clean up a mess that I hadn’t anticipated, I become more conscious as time goes on.  

What if we thought of our choices as life lessons?  We learn from what we choose.  Sometimes it means we learn to trust our instincts when we have a gut feeling but are swayed by others’ ideas of practical solutions.  Sometimes we make a choice and it may upset someone else.  Can that be an opportunity to see if you share the same values?  Or can it be a chance to work through the difference of opinion?  So many in this world are left with no choices because of the cruelty of others, poverty, or other external strife.  Sometimes that conflict stems from within.  In those moments compassion for ourselves or others may be the only kind choice to make.  

Whatever hard or easy choices you face, may you be easy on yourself, understanding that at the very least you’ll learn something useful that will help you with future choices.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • An exercise in making conscious choices: switch up a routine.  If you brush your teeth front to back, or top then bottom, do it the other way to see how it feels.  Or if you’re a sock, sock, shoe, shoe person.  Try sock, shoe, or start with your left foot rather than the right. You might feel differently, but your habits become moments of awareness.  Self-Care Tips:  
  • Donate to an underfunded class or school.  Now is the time they need school supplies.  If you can donate in your city, town or community that would be great.  If not, here is one link:  https://www.adoptaclassroom.org
  • When you are confronted with a choice, whether easy or hard, allow yourself the courage to make the choice, being open to learning from the process of choosing and the ensuing results.  

Traveling, Week Thirty-Two in the No Longer New Abnormal

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This weekend I walked in the steaming heat enjoying Summer Streets while traversing Park Avenue without cars.  I will miss the next two Saturdays, so it was a pleasant reprieve to have more than enough room while walking among pedestrians, runners, and cyclists.  I am going away.  Initially I packed for a hot summer, but according to the lower temperatures in Dublin I was ill prepared.  Following my lovely and tiring walk, I  unpacked and repacked for a ten-day trip to Ireland.  Instead of tank tops and sandals I’m bringing sweaters and socks.  

I am very excited.  Reading Edna O’Brian and Roddy Doyle, starting in high school, have instilled in me a love of Ireland, though I’ve never step foot on the Island.  It was my college friend, Shawn Wilson’s idea.  We had been trying to get together for years.  We both have busy professional lives with very different schedules.  Shawn threw out the idea and the trip was planned within a day.  Not only did we agree on the one week that was good for both of us, but she found an amazing local tour that appealed to both of us.  Since I am usually the planner in my family, it was an extra luxury to have my friend take care of the details.  

We’ll meet up in Dublin and go from there, probably taking too many pictures.  In the meantime, I have a few off-the-beaten-path pictures of New York City, pre-vacation.  

Self-Care Tips:  

  • Hugs.  If you know a good hugger exchange a great hug.  If you are on your own, wrap your arms around yourself for a self-loving embrace.  
  • Seek out something unusual for you.  Read an article from another point of view.  Look up an unfamiliar country and find out about its culture, foods, landscape and customs.
  • Enjoy in-season fruits and vegetables.  The peaches are divine.  The strawberries and blueberries are at their peak.  And summer squash is sweet and versatile.  

Facing Obstacles, Week Thirty-One in the No Longer New Abnornal

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This morning things did not go as planned.  I could not find my luggage scale for a vacation organized for next week.  It wasn’t in the usual places, so I did a deeper dive with no luck.  Next, I attempted to send emails, and had to restart my computer.  I wasn’t able to find my to-do list I wrote in the wee hours last night so I could check off tasks one at a time.  It showed up, but it meant I got a later start.  Of course, there are some days like this.  I’ll do what I can today and let go of the rest.  What I do know is that I plan to see women’s gymnastics trials on TV tonight.  I’m looking forward to it.  

I’m not sure what Olympians do when things don’t work out well at any given time. Of course, there’s no comparison between a quotidian day as opposed to training and performing in competitive sports as an elite athlete.  But it is certain that whatever they go through they transcend limitations to perform their best when required.  That is only part of what is so inspiring about watching the best of the best.  I was moved to see the boats down the Seine with each country’s athletic representatives.  It took so much for them to make it to this moment.  And, they all deserve our respect for their commitment to excellence.  That was only topped off when Celine Dion, who has had so many hard days while tackling stiff person syndrome, sang with power and poise. 

Watching the Olympics reminds me of the human capacity to obtain our dreams if we work hard and keep our eye on our goals, always remembering why we want to reach our aspirations.  So, when we face obstacles small and large, we can process them on our way to our main objectives.  Whether that’s producing a blog post, or most importantly these weeks, competing for a place on the podium wearing a metal, let us learn and grow so we can prevail.  

 Self-Care Tips:

  • When we face obstacles, take a moment to see if that means going in another direction, pausing before starting up again, or powering through.  There is not one way to handle challenges.  But we can all benefit from having patience and being kind while assessing the choices.  
  • Be awed and inspired by watching the Olympics.  
  • Find a sport you usually don’t watch just to see how other athletes perform.  

Emotional Moments, Week Thirty in the No Longer New Abnormal

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It’s a beautiful morning today.  There is a light breeze, the sun is out but not scorching, and the sky is clear.  The temperature dropped so it feels simply delightful.  I left my apartment before 7:30 am so that I could get in a destination walk to and from Trader Joe’s to pick up a few groceries for the week.  My plan was to be in and out before the Saturday rush.  I was walking on the east side of the street, which is less sunny, thus cooler, in the mornings.  When I approached 68th Street I was in back of someone else with a cart who had a similar plan at Trader Joe’s.  She kept trying to get around a woman with her dog whose leash straddled the entire sidewalk.  When I got close enough I said, “Excuse me, we want to pass you and your dog.”  She didn’t move.  I was less polite in my next attempt.  “You’re taking up the whole sidewalk, can you move so we can pass?” “Fuck you” she said as she barely made room for us.  As I made my way around her dog, I said “You don’t have to take the entire sidewalk.”  My tone sounded as annoyed as I felt.  Even though I had been happy to be out and about on a glorious day, I quickly turned into a grouch.  Again, she repeated, “Fuck You!” This time louder so there would be no mistaking her ire.  I didn’t look back, and I’m not proud to say that I then gave her the finger with my back to her.  Only in retrospect could I think clearly and realize she’s not having a good morning.  Did I need to add to that?  

I can easily get annoyed with others.  Earlier this week I had to hold my tongue more than once when I witnessed disregard for others, rudeness and disrespect.  What I know from my work and friendships is that there is a lot of personal struggles going on now.  I have to remember that each time I’m apt to criticize.  Whether people are struggling financially, interpersonally or with the current political landscape, things are not easy.  I notice my nervous system is on overdrive.  Some days I want to nap more.  Other times I want to yell. Though I didn’t yell this morning, I wasn’t pleasant either.   I am taking my own emotional temperature, then applying whatever self-care tips I can to find peace wherever and whenever I can.  Yes, it’s challenging.  But it’s essential.  Too many people are wound too tightly.  

So, for this week, less writing, more sleep, and more ease.  Simplicity during this societal quagmire is what’s on tap.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Give anonymously.  
  • Enjoy gentle movement.  Whether it’s dancing slowly or taking a stroll, gentle movement is calming. 
  • Chew slowly.  Enjoy every bite.  

Zucchini Fritters, Week Twenty-Eight in the No Longer New Abnormal

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It’s sweltering outside.  The humidity and the temperature are high.  Though I have a good number of chores to get done, I’m choosing to spend this time writing this blog in the air conditioning.  I haven’t planned what I’ll write, so as unoriginal as it is, I’ve started by mentioning the weather.  Inspiration is not forthcoming.  I just walked away to go into the kitchen.  I cubed and toasted bread to make breadcrumbs to go with the zucchini I purchased today at the farmer’s mlaarket.  In fact, the bread came from there last week.  I ‘m making zucchini fritters.  The eggs that go in the mix come from another stall at the farmer’s market.  I didn’t see the right onions, so I’ll have to go out for them.  I so enjoy the sweet and savory combination of the fritters.  

Rather than a traditional blog post, I will share how to make Zucchini Fritters or Zucchini Cakes.  I don’t have a recipe so these are approximations. 

I medium to large zucchini

1 onion

Bread crumbs from 3 slices of bread (or about a cup or so)

2 eggs

Salt

Pepper

Vegetable oil

Grate the zucchini.  I use a food processor, but you can do it with a hand grater if you don’t mind spending more time.  Chop the onion, unless you purchased it chopped already.  Add salt, pepper and any other spices you like.  Beat the eggs then mix the zucchini, eggs, breadcrumbs and spices.  When the oil is heated in the pan spoon one at a time a tablespoon of the mixture.  Allow it to sizzle until it’s brown on the bottom, then flip with a spatula.  When they are brown on the reverse side, use the spatula to place them on a plate with paper towel to absorb the extra oil.   

You can also spray a baking pan and bake them in the oven using less fat and oil.  They aren’t as crispy, but the flavor is still there.  

You can eat them when cooked, or you can store them in the refrigerator.  I like them with tzatziki.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Enjoy fresh zucchini or other vegetables and fruits in season, no matter if you eat them raw or cooked.  
  • If you like to cook or bake, try your own interpretation of a recipe.  It’s delicious when you accommodate your own tastes. 
  • If you are uninspired take a detour and go in another direction

The Half-Way Mark, Week Twenty-Six in the No Longer New Abnormal

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We are officially halfway through 2024.  It’s a great time to reevaluate then manage any expectations we’ve had for this year.  This is the year I’ve had my first, and perhaps my last, book published.  It feels good to have accomplished that.  I am now in the weeds attempting to promote the book while working full-time.  Promotions do not come naturally for me so it feels like I’m rolling a big bolder uphill uncertain if like Icarus is will roll down again.   But I’m challenging myself to do what I can and then challenging myself yet again let go of the results.  When I measure my self-worth by the results I produce I may experience a fleeting high, but in the end I try my best to be proud of going beyond my limits no matter how things turn out.  

These days doing TikTok and Instagram videos with self-care tips is way beyond my comfort zone.  Every day I tell myself that I can quit and enjoy some quiet time.  I think I’ll keep going for now taking my quiet time in August like most traditional psychotherapists.  I started the year with other goals as well.  One was to give away more stuff than I brought in.  I have been giving stuff away, but I am not great at letting go of things I like.  I was also going to stretch more and do more yoga.  I keep my yoga mat out in my home office.  Many days it’s aspirational.  But the mornings I include it in my routine I feel good.  Not so much for checking it off my list, but for giving myself a little something extra to get through my day.  I will take the wins where I can.  

I hope this half-way mark of this year allows you to reflect on your accomplishments and take it easy on yourself for the ongoing hopes and aspirations you may have.  There’s a time to push ourselves, and a time to be gentle.  My experience has been when I’m pushing too hard it’s time for some gentle kindness.  But really, when is it ever not a time for kindness for ourselves?  No time I can think of.  

Self-Care Tips:  

  • Reassess what is possible and probable this year and find a way to accept this new information.
  • Look for free opportunities in your area.  In NYC we have galleries, traveling Shakespeare, concerts and so much more.  You may enjoy a local sports event, a history walk or whatever is offered locally.
  • Clean out your medicine cabinet.  There’s bound to be expired products and cosmetics, soaps or other items you no longer use.  

Old Lady TikTok, Week Twenty-Four in the No Longer New Abnormal

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I spent five days this week recording short videos for my new book, In the Time of Coronavirus, Reflecting on the Past to Embrace a Joyful Future.  I am uncomfortable promoting the book.  I am not made for publicity and sales.  They are not my strengths.  But I am willing to move out of my comfort zone (though is life ever really comfortable?) and attempt to promote my book by sharing self-care tips from the paperback.  

The lighting has been all wrong.  I jerry-rigged a desk and a stack of books to record the videos.  And, I have no idea how to edit , so you can see m turning the record button on and off.  I see wonderful, professionally styled videos on TikTok.  But every time I go to the app, I am flummoxed and can’t figure out some of the simplest issues.  

I imagine I’ll learn through trial and error.  Or I can hope to befriend a much younger person who can guide me past my antiquated ways.  In the meantime, I will hobble along posting substandard clips.  Hopefully the featured self-care tips will be value-added on these amateur endeavors.  In the meantime, I’m living and learning.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Keep the self-care tips coming, buy In the Time of Coronavirus.  Perhaps this tip is self-care for me.  But it is my hope, you will benefit from the tips in the book.  
  • Keep a pad & oen along with a small flashlight by your bed.  If you have a hard time getting to sleep, or you wake up with thoughts swirling, writing worries or thoughts down long-hand without the assistance of a lit device, will help you to get the sleep you need.  
  • When making a written request, reread what you’ve written to make sure the request is clear thus enhancing your chances of getting what you want. 

Publishing Week, Week Twenty-Three in the No Longer New Abnormal

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This Tuesday I become a published author with In the Time of Coronavirus, Reflecting on the Past to Embrace a Joyful Future.  To that end I am doing everything I know to do to promote this book, working to get it into stores, sites and libraries and into readers’ hands.  It is a daunting task.  I am overwhelmed, yet very excited.  

I am grateful to all of you who pre-ordered the book.  Not only does your support mean the world to me, but it also provides a small foothold into the publishing world.  Any reviews to Goodreads, Amazon, Barnes and Noble or other review outlets would be greatly appreciated.  I am not comfortable asking for your support, and yet, I am willing to step out of my comfort zone to say please and thank you.  

I am hopeful that the book will provide some support for its readers.  Given today and days ahead with much to accomplish, I am writing a short blog.  Wishing you a lovely weekend, and again, thank you.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Take one small step towards a goal you desire.  We often think we have to accomplish so much, but each small step moves us closer to our goals.  Put one dollar away towards a major purchase.  Clean one small surface even if you have an entire home to clean, etc. 
  • Contact someone from your past to let them know what a difference they made in your life.  We often don’t let people know and then regret not saying something when it’s too late.  
  • Make a mental note or write it down if you like of at least one thing off the top of your head for which you’re grateful.  As for me, I am so grateful you’re reading this.