Tag Archives: patience

Delayed Flight

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I’m at La Guardia’s newly refurbished Delta Terminal. I’m on my way to Charleston. Everyone says what a great town it is. I look forward to getting there, but with the rain, the short runways, and delays, I’m at an iPod café ordering a dinner that will be a stark contrast to the wonderful cuisine to be had in Charleston.

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This is a wonderful people watching opportunity, and if I would look up from my laptop I might enjoy the many fellow travelers in my midst. We have any number of head coverings. The guy furiously texting has a grey cap turned with the lid to the back. The woman across from him is wearing a black burka. Across the aisle is a business woman with a pair of sunglasses she’s wearing as a band, It’s been raining all day and it’s dark out now. But I assume she must have her reasons . A tall fellow with a salt & pepper beard is sporting a yamaka, while carrying his fancy black hat. A bald gentleman is reflecting the fluorescent light coming from above. There’s a pair of shiny red earphones on another bald man, though he purposely shaved his head. It wasn’t an accident of fate.   One man with a kind smile has his long hair tied back in what looks like a large bun. No hat for him.

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It’s nice to travel in the middle of the week. Mostly people are calm, unlike the many family trips we took President’s Week, when families act out loud voices, agitated, and not shy to display their bad moods. Needless to say their children are misbehaved. But none of that tonight. For that I am grateful, and I’m willing to let the hours go by while I wait for our plane to show up.

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I’m at the airport to go on a solo vacation. I wasn’t stressed when the delays came because I’m making up the trip as I go along. I did get stressed when they changed the delay from 10:30 PM to 8:06 and it was after 6 PM, and I was still home with no cars available for another 30 minutes or so. I did get a yellow taxi, silently thanking Uber for my good fortune in the rain. Pre-Uber I never would have been able to snag a cab. And then after a long wait on the FDR drive, we made it to the RFK Bridge. I wasn’t aware that I was holding my breath until I received another text saying the flight was postponed until 8:30. I could finally unclench my jaw and breath a sigh of relief. Since the cab ride, it was delayed twice more. This after the back and forth in the afternoon. It feels like working with a really erratic patient on the Psych ER telling me, “We’re being invaded by aliens.” No, I mean Romanians. No Wait, I mean a covert ops organization with our government. No wait…” All I know is to stay alert and listen for what’s next. And, what’s next is a smooth night flight, non-stop to Charlston.

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Accepting Our Flaws? – A Grounded-Spirituality Post

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Why is it we’re so loathe to accept the darker side of our personalities? I am impulsive, impatient and impassioned. These are not my only character flaws, but it serves as a sampling. This weekend I spent more than I had budgeted, I ate more than my hunger warranted, and I got angry when things didn’t go my way. I don’t like when I feel those feelings, so I then deflect them onto others. I felt all that while away this weekend and when I got home, happy to be home, Emma was ensconced in front of the TV, and Larry was busy doing laundry. I had missed them and longed for them to greet me with joy, especially after the traffic getting home from the airport.

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They were busy living life when I interrupted them. But I was tired, and wanted some attention. I got attention, but it wasn’t the attention I wanted. It was conflictual. They would have been happy to go about doing what they were doing, but I provoked them, and then I had to deal with the upset.

I’m not proud to tell you this. I would like to share wonder and light. However, this is the messy deal with life. We behave in ways in which we are not proud. And, we have to make repairs given the upset we create in ourselves and others. I was able to work through some of my unfulfilled expectations, and Larry and Emma were amenable to engage in my self-indulgent confession and apology.

Facebook and other social media give partial glimpses into our lives. And, they often sound more glamorous than everyday life. Whatever wonderful moments we share with pictures and captions, we leave out the messier times.

Tonight I had to learn, once again, that I can ask for what I want. I didn’t this evening, but I’m one upset closer to asking for it next time. Or, if not then, perhaps the time after that  And, then maybe I’ll find other ways to express the impulsivity, impatience and impassions. I don’t think I can rid myself of my flaws. Nor do I have to pretend I’ve totally embraced my imperfections. At this point, I’m willing to admit to them and to work on listening when they show up.

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Slowing Down

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I walk quickly, city savvy, righteously scorning the oblivious loiterers congregating in the middle of the sidewalk. When I’m not internally criticizing those I pass, I delight in the city around me. Happily I walk along, noticing building details, unexpected spring flowers, and public sculptures. These last few days, though, I had to slow down. Somehow, unbeknownst to me I got tendonitis behind my knee and walking became painful.  

            I like being on the go.   I don’t rest much. I more or less collapse when I become exhausted. But pain stopped me. I slowed down, walked less and enjoyed time off. I saw a movie on HBO, read a bit, cooked very little, and listened to a lot of music. It was a good break.

            Today I ventured out walking through two parks, uncertain how far I could go before pain slowed me down. I was able to get to my destination. It was a beautiful day, and I was happy to be out and about. Even so, I missed my short break. I don’t like being in pain, but slowing down every once in awhile is a lovely treat. I may just give that gift to myself every once in awhile.Image

Shoulds

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I am writing a blog post because I have a list of Shoulds, and posting on my blog is on the list.  It will be a short post, after all, I have a lot of shoulds.  I was supposed to get some paperwork done for my practice, but that’s been on my list for weeks now.  This weekend is the hard deadline, so I’m certain that will get done before I hit the pillow tomorrow night.  Some shoulds stay on the list, and I know I should let them go, but I’m not ready to quite yet.  Just like I should get rid of clothes that linger in my closet years since I’ve worn them last.  But they each have a story.  So I give away enough to alleviate my sense of should, but not enough to create  a lot of new space in my closet.  I can easily become overwhelmed with all that has to get done.  The shoulds come after the “have-to”s.  Some things I have to do, also don’t get done.  I don’t make dinner as often as I used to.  I used to write thank you notes, but I know I’ve missed communicating my gratitude recently.  I don’t drink enough water.  And, I need to have more patience, not only for what will eventually get done, but for what will never happen.  Should I go on?