Monthly Archives: August 2023

Relationship Issues, The Forty-Fourth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal

Posted on by
1

I have a relationship problem.  My relationship with certain circumstances can be very dicey.  When things don’t go as I planned, or something upsets me, I have a hard time accepting it.  I get upset, and in getting upset, I judge myself for not being more accepting.  Then I mull over how I could have prevented it.  I’m self-critical, which in turn, expands my unhappiness.  

It happened this weekend after not getting enough sleep, being in unwanted crowded areas, and certain things not going smoothly.  I found out tonight we’ve been in retrograde.  Maybe that explains it.  But while it was going on, my relationship to these events was anything but open.  I got annoyed.  I tried to think of how I could have avoided the unpleasantness.  It was sticky there for awhile in my relationship to the reality I was in.  

I forgot how temporary things are.  I forgot to pause and reassess.  I took a walk.  When I came back, I wrote a blog post for this weekend.  And then I lost it on my iPad.  I panicked at first.  I looked in every file.  I tried other programs, just in case.  But it was completely lost.  Surprisingly, I was able to get on with my evening plans knowing I’d be writing this late at night.

And, here we are.  It was a magical evening celebrating my 64th birthday, one year shy of a senior citizen designation.  I don’t mind, it means future discounts.  The bad relationship with reality is on hold.  I’ll continue to work on that relationship.  Maybe I’ll embrace the present rather than fight it a year from now.   I’ll be curious to see how it it goes.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • When you’re being hard on yourself because things aren’t going well, see if you can observe the circumstances, and be a witness to your feelings rather than blame yourself.  It takes some practice.  We can practice in tandem, as my work on this is ongoing.
  • Check out Rhiannon Giddens.  She’s a amazing human with a fantastic voice that defies one category.  She has a new album, You’re the One.  
  • Rub a smooth stone.  Whether it’s a river stone or a tumbled stone in the color of your choice, rubbing a stone when upset, can bring a little relief.

Beneath the Facade, The Thirty-Third Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal

Posted on by
Reply

Growing up my mother and her mother were sticklers for good manners.  I made a point of saying please and thank you.  I was afraid they would view me as rude, and I didn’t want that moniker.  My grandmother would point out other children who might have been louder than us, or publicly whiny, and she’d use those children as cautionary tails of behavior we were to stringently avoid.  

I appreciate good manners.  Things can be pleasurably orderly when people stick to the rules, when the rules make sense for all.  And I am always grateful for good manners.  Yesterday, when I once again rode Park Avenue for Summer Streets, I made a point of thanking the police and the Department of Transportation volunteers and temp employees for being there.  I was so grateful and happy to share that gratitude.  All but one smiled back, and they were nice exchanges along the beautiful ride.    

I was grateful I started out early so that the roads weren’t crowded.  I was grateful for the cool morning air, a rarity in August.  I had filled my tires so my ride was smooth.  And to those that I thanked I may have seemed nice.  But lurking underneath the gratitude and manners was a highly judgmental, cranky older woman.  For the day I had become an architype.   I was mad that some cyclists were in the right lanes, while some runners were in the left lanes.  There was clear signage.  Had I not been a shaky rider, I could imagine myself raising a fist each and every time I noted an interloper.  I also wasn’t pleased when motor bikes vroomed down the supposedly gas-free streets.  

In hindsight, I think these things scared me.  I’m a tentative cyclist.  I like empty roads without ruts. Smooth riding feels safer to me.  If I give myself grace, I can now see that my righteous anger was a defense of my fears.  And perhaps my fright isn’t specific to my bike ride.  Maybe it’s global warming anxiety.  Or a world in which people act out their fury in arbitrary ways.  Or fear of an unknown future.  Whatever the case I will do my best to ease my fears while living fully.  I’ll continue to have good manners, a multigenerational practice.  And I’ll check myself with care when my anger, judgment, and cantankerous nature peak out.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • When angry, check to see if the strong emotion is protecting a more vulnerable part of you.  If so, see if you can soothe yourself making room and a safe space for your frailer nature.  
  • Challenge yourself in small ways by doing things that feels doable even if you’re a little bit afraid.  It can be as small as a public bicycle ride in a busy city, stating a preference when you’re usually agreeable, or stepping out in a way right for you
  • Try reading or watching a genre that is new or different for you.  I came to appreciate graphic novels, even if it’s not my go to.  See if you might come to understand what others see in another genre.  

Summer Relief, The Thirty-Second Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal

Posted on by
Reply

Although this cannot be said of much of the country or world, we in New York City have enjoyed a reprieve from the intense heat of July.  It has been delightful.  Today I relished a breezy morning riding my low-to-the-ground bicycle up and down Park Avenue for the annual Summer Streets event.  The Department of Transportation closes streets on Saturdays in all five boroughs throughout late July and August for pedestrians, joggers, and cyclists as a way of promoting greener transportation.    

I had forgotten about it last week, so I was so happy to wake up early to take advantage of the no traffic morning.  Though the city has added miles of bike lanes, mopeds and electric bikes tend to speed, which does not promote confidence in this shaky rider.  So, I avoid riding on the city streets, unless it’s to get to a park.  I love my low bicycle knowing I can always reach the ground, should I need to do so.  A throwback from my childhood and my cool banana seat bike.  

I never felt confident on a high bike.  When I wanted an adult bike, I opted for a folding model, so I could emulate that small bike experience.  There is a freedom I experience on a bicycle, as long as I feel it is safe to ride.  Boardwalk bikes, though heavy, can also be low and provide an ease when traversing parallel to the ocean.  

When it was hotter and oppressively humid, riding my bike, rather than jogging, provided a gentle wafting of air so that I didn’t get out of breath.  But it was still stifling  compared to today when I felt the wind on my back encouraging me on as I easily traveled the miles on Park Avenue and beyond.  

I am grateful for this unseasonable weather.  And I am grateful for Summer Streets.  Having a break after the work week is a gift, indeed.  

Self-Care Tools:  

  • If you are inclined to donate to a fire and/or weather impacted area, it can be very helpful to find local non-profits who can specifically target the needs of the community, like Maui Food Bank, the environmental non-profit, Aina Momona. or the nonprofit organization Kako’o Haleakala, to name a few.   
  • Enjoy playing as you did as a child.  It could be a bike ride, hopscotch, kickball, or kicking your feet in a kiddie pool.  Whatever you do, remember the simple joy of childhood play, if you’re able.  
  • If you’re tired or weary, don’t push yourself.  Listen to your body and find some ease in this hectic world.  

Mundane Day, The Thirty-First Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal

Posted on by
Reply

What am I doing this weekend?  Nothing special and everything essential.  In an Instagram world of glamourous posts, my weekend is the antithesis of awesome.  I started early to ensure I could easily access the washing machines needed for the weekly laundry.  Luckily for me, it was a ghost town before 7 am, and I peacefully and quietly secured my machines and loaded them from the full hampers.  

After I put the laundry in the dryer, bringing the hang-dry bag up to the apartment to, you guessed it, hang dry, I took Lucy out for a walk before the sun was beating too strongly on the sidewalks.  It’s pleasant enough, but the humidity still clung in-between my skin and my summer cottons. 

Then I ran some errands.  I was at the post office, which was empty due to it being the first summer since the pandemic in which everyone is running to escape the city on weekends.   Thank you, travelers, it’s so nice to enjoy a quiet corner of the city for a change.  Next was a stop at the local farmers’ market.  It seemed as if everyone who stayed in the city was buying up produce and baked goods.  The lines were long.  Some shoppers have routines in which they step in and out of line yet don’t communicate so those of us partially-patient while waiting are to assume they had a place somewhere and are now happy to go in front of us to procure their staples. 

I got enough sleep last night and Lucy was set with treats, so I felt less agitated by those farmers’ market patrons.  Sometimes, though, I can get annoyed. It was nice to have skipped over my reactivity this morning.  Carrying my load, Lucy and I took the short walk back home.  From there it was time for food prep.  There’s something straightforward about cutting fruit and chopping vegetables.  

Boring days like today are necessary to get through our lives.  However, it’s only boring as a story.  While ticking off these daily chores, it’s nice to accomplish small tasks.  It’s satisfying to finish one small project and then the next.  I was never bored.  In fact, I appreciated the quiet time getting everything done.  The mundane is not necessarily dull.  

Self-care tips:

  • The next time someone asks, “What’s new?”  See if you can easily and proudly share what you’ve been up to without having to exaggerate or only speak of the highlights.  
  • Find the extraordinary in the ordinary.  Often little things make a big difference.  
  • Find something that combines humor and art.  It could be poetry, fine art, a film, literature, or another type of artistry.  It’s so much fun to laugh and be inspired simultaneously.  It could be a Charlie Chaplin film, a Dorothy Parker poem, a Victor Borge video, any Judy Holliday movie, or choose something that suites your particular sense of humor.