Category Archives: Body Acceptance

Beneath the Facade, The Thirty-Third Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal

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Growing up my mother and her mother were sticklers for good manners.  I made a point of saying please and thank you.  I was afraid they would view me as rude, and I didn’t want that moniker.  My grandmother would point out other children who might have been louder than us, or publicly whiny, and she’d use those children as cautionary tails of behavior we were to stringently avoid.  

I appreciate good manners.  Things can be pleasurably orderly when people stick to the rules, when the rules make sense for all.  And I am always grateful for good manners.  Yesterday, when I once again rode Park Avenue for Summer Streets, I made a point of thanking the police and the Department of Transportation volunteers and temp employees for being there.  I was so grateful and happy to share that gratitude.  All but one smiled back, and they were nice exchanges along the beautiful ride.    

I was grateful I started out early so that the roads weren’t crowded.  I was grateful for the cool morning air, a rarity in August.  I had filled my tires so my ride was smooth.  And to those that I thanked I may have seemed nice.  But lurking underneath the gratitude and manners was a highly judgmental, cranky older woman.  For the day I had become an architype.   I was mad that some cyclists were in the right lanes, while some runners were in the left lanes.  There was clear signage.  Had I not been a shaky rider, I could imagine myself raising a fist each and every time I noted an interloper.  I also wasn’t pleased when motor bikes vroomed down the supposedly gas-free streets.  

In hindsight, I think these things scared me.  I’m a tentative cyclist.  I like empty roads without ruts. Smooth riding feels safer to me.  If I give myself grace, I can now see that my righteous anger was a defense of my fears.  And perhaps my fright isn’t specific to my bike ride.  Maybe it’s global warming anxiety.  Or a world in which people act out their fury in arbitrary ways.  Or fear of an unknown future.  Whatever the case I will do my best to ease my fears while living fully.  I’ll continue to have good manners, a multigenerational practice.  And I’ll check myself with care when my anger, judgment, and cantankerous nature peak out.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • When angry, check to see if the strong emotion is protecting a more vulnerable part of you.  If so, see if you can soothe yourself making room and a safe space for your frailer nature.  
  • Challenge yourself in small ways by doing things that feels doable even if you’re a little bit afraid.  It can be as small as a public bicycle ride in a busy city, stating a preference when you’re usually agreeable, or stepping out in a way right for you
  • Try reading or watching a genre that is new or different for you.  I came to appreciate graphic novels, even if it’s not my go to.  See if you might come to understand what others see in another genre.  

Lost in Brooklyn, The Twenty-Ninth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal

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I set out to go to The Brooklyn Museum to see the Africa Fashion exhibit.  I had intended to see it twice before but got waylaid, so my determination to get there yesterday was fierce.  My plan was to slowly jog in Prospect Park getting out at the arch and walking the few blocks to the museum.  Once I made it to Prospect Park at an unfamiliar entrance, I opened up Maps on my iPhone and set off.  

I had slung a string backpack over my shoulder with my knee braces for the run as well as an umbrella for the unpredictable weather.  After securing my knees in place with the braces, I left the bench and turned back to the Maps app.  I was curious. Though not so familiar with Brooklyn, I would have thought I should go right on the drive rather than the left the app instructed me to take.  With a momentary pull of doubt, I started off on my slow jog, sun unexpectedly shining, bearing left on the path towards the drive. 

In just over a mile I was instructed to leave the park.  I was surprised I had been so close when the app indicated that I was miles away.  When I exited, I was nowhere near anything familiar, but I ended my run and continued on my journey walking to the museum.  Ninety minutes later, past a huge cemetery, on the edge of Prospect Heights, then into Fort Greene, ending in Gowanus, right by the newly constructed business area by the Gowanus Canal.  This was nowhere near the Brooklyn Museum.  Perhaps there was a Brooklyn Museum section of the Design Within Reach store that was where the app stated was my destination.  Ah, the limits of technology.  

I enjoyed seeing the new construction and the warehouse spaces that were a contemporary take on a Brooklyn aesthetic.  There were places to shop, and places to eat.  Young business people came and went, coffee in hand, trying to finish out their work week.  By the time I sat in an industrial style courtyard there, I wasn’t sure if I should just head home, or if I should circle back and view the exhibit.  

Hot, sweaty, and tired, I trudged to the closest subway station, still uncertain whether I was returning to Manhattan or finally seeing the month-old fashion show on display.  In the end I transferred to the IRT 2 train and got off in front of the museum.  I was disheveled yet determined.  I showed my ticket and made it in.  

It was less crowded than expected.  Good for me, as I could take my time and enjoy the beauty of the craftsmanship and the artistry.  I was not disappointed.  It spoke of history, joy, and cultural pride with all 54 African countries represented in one or more ways.  And, though my tour through Brooklyn was two hours more than expected, it is true of this weekend, that all’s well that ends well.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • The next time you get lost, rather than spend your time trying to get back on track (unless someone needs you to be somewhere on time), look to see what is around you and take in the unexpected surroundings.
  • If you’re in or around Brooklyn, take a look at the Africa Fashion exhibit.  It is inspired.  
  • Try something new.  It could be listening to a new artist, trying a food or dish you normally don’t eat.  It could be meeting someone new, reading something not familiar to you.  Whatever it is, see what you learn about the subject, and/or about yourself.  

Rest & Activity, The Twenty-Fifth Week in the Second Year of the New Abnormal

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It was a muggy day in the city.  I went to bed late and gave myself the luxury of resting in bed yesterday morning.  There was a lot to do, but my body craved relaxation, and rather than rush to place my feet on the floor, I lingered under the sheets, enjoying the ease of a restful morning.  

I’m usually a doer.  At some point in my development I got the message that being lazy was not a good thing.  I made a point of being busy. Rather than being busy when necessary and resting when needed, I seemed intent on proving I wasn’t lazy.  However, I had ongoing  jealousy for those who enjoyed life doing less.  That seemed impossible to me.  Thankfully, post-Covid, I have come to see the value in proper rest.  

Though I still have a long way to go to unwind the belief that one must be busy, I am glad that yesterday morning I could enjoy a restful dawning of the day.  It allowed me to find the energy early in the afternoon to go on a short jog.  It’s been a year since I’ve been able to run due to a sprained ankle.  Even though I knew that long distance running was part of my past, I’m aware that I really enjoy running as an ongoing activity.  So, I put on my ankle brace along with two knee braces, and I set out to run for a mile on East End Avenue asphalt.

Asphalt is easier on the joints and fairly level, which makes for a safer run.  It felt so nice to run.  Albeit I’m slower with less energy than last year.  But it was the act of running that felt freeing.  I look forward to running again today.  Luckily, I had a great night’s sleep, so I’m well rested for today’s slow jog.  And, after that?  Maybe a nap. 

Self-Care Tips: 

  • What activity or experience is pure joy, so much so that you lose track of time?  How do you feel thinking about it?  When you have a chance, try diving into the activity.  If there isn’t an opportunity, think about it for a moment and take note of how you feel while basking in that memory. 
  • Reflect on your week and make a note of anything that went better than expected?  Are you able to have gratitude for the better-than-anticipated experience?  If so, take a moment to be with that gratitude.  
  • Check in with your body.  Do you have an abundance of energy?  If so, do something physical to optimize that energy burst.  If not, take a moment (or more, if possible) to relax, letting your body know you’re listening.  

Our Relationship With the Weather, The Seventeenth Week of the Second Year of the New Abnormal

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Growing up we wore rubbers or rubber boots, gently stretching them until they covered our shoes.  It was a hassle taking them on and off.  But to keep our leather saddle shoes somewhat dry, we sported rubbers over our two-toned oxfords.  These days my low rubber boots are the only shoes I need when it’s wet outside. They keep the water from soaking my socks and allow me to walk about in the rain.  

It’s been a rare occurrence that we’ve had two rainy days on a weekend.  This weekend we’re soggy and a bit chilly.  Lucy, our dog, isn’t inclined to go out, and neither am I.  I danced in our living room for a while moving to international music, happy to be in the flow, not so happy to feel the aches of muscles waking up after being dormant.  Weekends usually mean at least one long walk.  Sometimes it’s a great time to walk when it’s raining.  The sidewalks are less crowded.  Everyone wants to stay inside.  

The rain inspires me to slow down.  I like that.  Of course, other than a few errands, I was not required to work outside, so the impact of the rain is minimal.  Rain in the city, at least when it’s not flood conditions, does not impact us in the same way as it does in more natural settings.  With proper rubber boots and waterproof outerwear, we can navigate curb rivers and downpours.  We may be soggy, but we’re not deterred.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Make sure you have shoes and clothing for the rain.  An old Scandinavian saying goes, “There is no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing.” Being prepared is self-care.
  • Notice how different weather affects you.  Respect the weather’s impact so that you are attuned to yourself in relationship to your environmental conditions.
  • Dance.  Play the music you like or find a playlist.  Even if you feel achy, it fires up muscles and brings joy no matter the weather.  

Fails, The Twelfth Week of the Second Year in the new Abnormal

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I just heard that The Museum of Failure in Brooklyn opened last week (https://museumoffailure.com).  It’s primarily a collection of product fails through the last 5 decades or so.  I’m happy to be celebrating failure.  Their slogan is “Innovation Needs Failure!”  I’m not so sure I can say I’ve been innovative, unless one considers resourcefulness as an innovation, but I can say with absolute certainty that I, too, have a history of failures.

Though certainly not my first or last, but within vivid memory, is my failed first driving test. I remain an anxious driver. Lucky for me and other vehicles on the road, I live in Manhattan, have not owned a car since my late teens, and rarely drive.  At the time, I was 17, did not want to take the bus to high school anymore, and was horrified that I failed.  I didn’t want to drive so much as reap the benefits of being a driver, but I could not face my friends and classmates admitting to this personal and social failure.  

It’s taken me long time to own my failures. When I was younger, I was horrified to share any failures. Either I was afraid I’d get in trouble, or I was afraid I’d be judged poorly.  Though I experienced both, it was my own self-judgement that was harsher than anything I endured by others.  Luckily, the long line of mistakes I’ve made in this life have allowed me the opportunity to soften my judgement, and simply see mistakes as part of the human experience. 

Hopefully over the years I’ve learned from my mistakes.  Sadly, some mistakes hurt others by over sharing, or needing to fulfill some personal need rather than understanding that it would harm some else.  I lost friends given my poor judgement.  But I’ve also had friends who had a forgiving heart and understood I was lost or misguided, forgiving me, and allowing me to do better.  It is those friends, therapists, and family members who fostered change and growth.  I will always be grateful to them.  And I am now grateful to those who walked away because they didn’t want to be hurt again.  They taught me to do better and be better and to treat myself with care rather than look to others to validate me, especially when vulnerable. 

I look forward to making the trip to the Museum of Failure.  There’s something comforting in knowing it’s out there.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • When you’ve failed at something, write in a journal how it feels, and, when possible, what you learned that will help you in the future.  Try as best you can to be gentle with yourself, appreciating that the failure is part of the journey.  
  • When speaking on the phone purposely smile.  There is research to suggest that smiling lightens one’s speaking tone allowing for a more positive interaction.  
  • Throughout the day repeat the phrase, aloud or internally, “I am Enough.”  Experiencing ourselves as enough releases the pressure to be more, better, or different.  

Unexpected Kindness, The Eleventh Week in the Second Year of the New Abnormal

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I left my passport at the hotel two and half miles from Reykjavik.  I was leaving for JFK the next day.  We had had a magnificent trip, and my passport was in the safe where I left it along with U.S. dollars I wasn’t going to spend in Iceland.  Our driver, an adventure tour guide in his own right, was going to drop off some guests and pick up passengers to bring back to the capitol city the next morning.  He would be happy to bring back my passport and drive us to the airport.  The magnificent experience continued.  

I next called the hotel. They got back to me to let me know they had secured my passport and money and it was in an envelope at the front desk waiting for our driver.  This was all done with ease.  The Icelandic vibe was “no problem.”  It seemed inherent to them to be kind and considerate.  They did not communicate any extra effort, nor did they indicate I was putting them out in any way.  I was beyond relieved.  

Surprisingly, I also didn’t berate myself for my forgetfulness.  Not that long ago I would have been so hard on myself for not being uber aware of everything.  This time, though, my mistake led to a greater appreciation of the kindness of others.  To be the fortunate recipient of thoughtfulness was another gift of the trip.  Not only did we enjoy natural wonders, but we also took pleasure in naturally wonderful people.  It was good fortune, indeed. 

Self-Care Tips:

  • See if there is an easy way to give to another.  Offer your seat on public transportation, open the door for a stranger, pay for someone else’s coffee, or create your own thoughtful act.  Be part of an enduring act of kindness.  
  • Let someone know how much you appreciate their kindness.  Whether you mention something having witness a kind act, are in touch with someone from the past who was good to you, or you give a warm thank you in the moment, your appreciation perpetuates kindness at large.  
  • Identify aspects of nature you most enjoy.  If you’re able to visit, great.  If not, perhaps you can find items or scents that elicit your enjoyment. It can be sea water, flowers, cut grass, or mountain air.  Whatever your pleasure, breath in the satisfying aroma.  

Greetings from Iceland, The tenth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal

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The small, Nordic island country of Iceland is around 5 hours away from New York City. It’s a magical place with other worldly terrains and natural wonders. We left the city for a long weekend with the hopes of at least getting a glimpse of the Aurora Borealis. We were not disappointed. And we got so much more.  

On our Icelandair flight we saw the Northern Lights dance above the clouds.  I love sitting by the window, and I kept my shade up on the off chance I might view something.  And, yes, swirling above the cumulus cropping were green lines of other worldliness.  The trip was off to an auspicious start.

We booked a place in Husafell, having read that they have some of the best sightings of the Northern lights.  We found out it has to do with the wind in the volcanic valley that clears the air, along with the territory’s moisture combined with the chill, creating the air quality that makes for fertile observing skies.  

We thoroughly enjoyed a trip to volcanic baths, naturally heated from the hot springs.  We were alone in a volcanic crater in a warm outdoor pool in the middle of Iceland.  Fabulous and surreal.  We also took a tour of a huge lava tunnel.  Beneath the earth was a fascinating as above.  The rest of our weekend will be spent in the small, welcoming city of Reykjavik.   So glad we came.  

Sometimes I have to get away to come back to myself.

Self-care tips: 

  • Go away.  If you can’t physically take yourself to another vista, whether it be a neighboring town, a lake, a park, another city, or the beach, then check out photos on the National Geographic website to enjoy another perspective.  https://www.nationalgeographic.com/pages/topic/best-of-2022
  • When having self-critical thoughts, rather than continue the loop of degradation, treat the criticism like an overly tired child.  Tell it to go rest.  It needs to take it easy.  Be gentle but firm.  
  •  Access you inner explorer.  As in our younger years, take a magnifying glass and view surfaces and objects for a closer look.  Wood grain is great, as is a blade of grass or a stone.  So much fun to see from our inner child’s eyes again.  

Sunrise Reflections, The Ninth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal

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Unlike many recommendations for sleep hygiene, I do not go to sleep the same time each night.  Some nights I work late, some nights I enjoy the theater or other live entertainment.  Some nights I’m reading, while others I’m catching up on a television show.  I do my best to listen to signs of being tired if I’m at home, and I put myself to sleep accordingly.  Inevitably, this leaves me in a perpetual state of never quite catching up with the shows I enjoy.  

Then, in the morning, I look out my window to determine if I will catch the sun rise.  Often, I’m too tired to move and I get back under the covers.  I’ll even admit to being relieved some mornings when it’s too cloudy to enjoy the colors of the dawn.  And, then there are the other days I put on some sweats and walk across the street to take in the sunrise over Queens across the East River.  

Our minds like rules.  I spent too many formative years not admitting that I prefer to assess what I need in the morning, evening, or at any given time of day.  I followed some rules, but privately, I’ve preferred to check in with myself to see what I want.  It’s an imperfect system.  Sometimes I struggle to make a decision about capturing the sunrise.  Other mornings it’s very clear that I will either make the short trek to the East River Promenade, or I will return to bed to meditate and read. 

In any event, this blog has been a motivation to get out before 6:30 am at least once a week.  I like taking pictures.  But there is also something to be said about appreciating the spray of colors from my bedroom window without documenting it.  A private moment of a universal phenomenon.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • If you are attached to your routine, see if in one instance you can change it up.  See how that feels.  Are you afraid of not being safe?  Does it feel freeing?  And, if you are doing something as a routine that does not bring satisfaction, look into alternatives that may support you in a kinder way.
  • When you have an urge to do something impulsive, stop for a moment.  Ask yourself if this is what you want.  If so, then enjoy.  If not, see if you can pause until you know what might be a better action.  
  • When you have a chance, take in a sunrise or sunset.  They have the power to soothe the soul.  

Be Gone the Bygone, The Eighth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal

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Years ago I had a phone book.  It looked like a fabric-covered hardback, divided by letters of the alphabet neatly cut into tabs descending on the paper’s edge.  Often the pages were outlined in gold ink.  I’d get an updated one every few years and I’d transfer the names, addresses, and phone numbers into my new, usually colorful, phone book.  These were also the days in which long distance phone calls were a big deal and we were reminded to speak quickly since we were being charged by the minute.  Phones had cords and were strategically placed in one or more locations in our homes.  A bygone era.  Yes, I have become a senior stereotype.  

Yesterday I sent an email, as it seemed easier to document information rather than make a call.  However, my contacts, somewhat mimicking a phone book on my MacBook, is not explicit in terms of who has which cell phone number or email.  Given my age and my history, I have to relearn to put each individual in his/her/their own contact file.  This way I am calling, texting or emailing the correct family member in a given household. There have been more than one occasion in which I sent an unbeknownst partner a text intended for a friend or family member.  Oops!

My current contacts deserve an upgrade.  There are many repeat inserts, as well as quite a few names I don’t recognize.  But it’s tax season and I must focus on that first before tackling the contacts albatross.  It’s a daunting task so I’ll be breaking it down one name at a time, breath by breath.  

There is no life hack that I know of for having to relearn updated systems.  And it’s hard to throw out what we’ve known to take in the new.  But as technology continues to move ahead, I don’t want to be left behind.  At least I want to stay current on the tools that support my life in the present.  To do that, I have to create mental space.  The trick for me is to appreciate my memories of things past, telephones on the wall and phone books for example, while not holding onto those memories when I’m learning how to use a new iPhone or edit a PDF file.  I’m doing my best to ensure my personal history make way for my present-day life.  It comes with mixed success.

Self-Care Tools:

  • Slowly but surely clean out your contacts.  It feels great to search for a name and contact information without a crowded field. 
  • Identify the items in your life that continue to serve you even as new models get introduced.  For instance, some people love their old address books.  It’s simple and it keeps things streamlined in these complicated times.  What do you still use?  I continue to enjoy my compact, one-step coffee maker.  
  • Remember to acknowledge yourself when you learn a new skill.  I will be doing a happy dance once I learn how to insert my comments into my tax PDF file.  Hopefully that happy dance will be later today.  

BRRR, The Fifth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal

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Wow! I just went out to walk Lucy.  It sure is cold out there.  A good portion of the country is very cold.  New York City is no exception this weekend.  Just taking Lucy out for a short walk means bundling up for a solid five minutes to make sure the least amount of skin is exposed to the frigid air.  

Although I had insulated gloves with added glove liners, my fingers would not get warm.  Add to that the couple of times I had to take those sub-par gloves off to pay the brave vendors at the farmer’s market, or to give Lucy a treat.  Not my favorite moments this windy day.  

The thing about the cold is that it really highlights our priorities.  As much as I prefer not going out at all, happy to move to music inside, I do want to support the farms who service us year-round.  And Lucy, whom I adore, is not likely to be able to endure a day inside.  This is her weather as a Tibetan Terrier.  She doesn’t want a doggie jacket, she just wants to feel the wind on her face and the cold air on her hairy body.  She has hair rather than fur.

I curse under my breath when she gives me her usual signs that it’s time to go out.  Though she waits for me patiently as I don layer after layer until I’m ready to face the elements.  Thankfully I have a bevvy of face masks that I wear happily knowing that my nose and lower face are covered from the elements.  Grateful for my protection from the cold.  

It’s unbelievable I was strolling on the beach a week ago.  Now, miles to the north that recent memory feels like a long time ago.  Weather is a constant reminder of the transient nature of life here on earth.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Find the coziest clothes to wear.  The cold can feel so uncomfortable.  When the fabric’s surface gently soothes our skin, it can add an extra benefit aside from simply keeping us warm.  
  • Dance inside.  Even if it’s for one song.  Enjoy the freeing experience while keeping you actively warm.  
  • If you have to go out, walk in the sun.  It’s a good reminder that even when we deem the weather to be bad, there are no absolutes.  It can be beautifully sunny and still gratingly cold.