I spent five days this week recording short videos for my new book, In the Time of Coronavirus, Reflecting on the Past to Embrace a Joyful Future. I am uncomfortable promoting the book. I am not made for publicity and sales. They are not my strengths. But I am willing to move out of my comfort zone (though is life ever really comfortable?) and attempt to promote my book by sharing self-care tips from the paperback.
The lighting has been all wrong. I jerry-rigged a desk and a stack of books to record the videos. And, I have no idea how to edit , so you can see m turning the record button on and off. I see wonderful, professionally styled videos on TikTok. But every time I go to the app, I am flummoxed and can’t figure out some of the simplest issues.
I imagine I’ll learn through trial and error. Or I can hope to befriend a much younger person who can guide me past my antiquated ways. In the meantime, I will hobble along posting substandard clips. Hopefully the featured self-care tips will be value-added on these amateur endeavors. In the meantime, I’m living and learning.
Self-Care Tips:
Keep the self-care tips coming, buy In the Time of Coronavirus. Perhaps this tip is self-care for me. But it is my hope, you will benefit from the tips in the book.
Keep a pad & oen along with a small flashlight by your bed. If you have a hard time getting to sleep, or you wake up with thoughts swirling, writing worries or thoughts down long-hand without the assistance of a lit device, will help you to get the sleep you need.
When making a written request, reread what you’ve written to make sure the request is clear thus enhancing your chances of getting what you want.
I was nervous. I had agreed to participate in a Zoom panel which included reading from my pre-published book, In the Time of Coronavirus. but it’s been a long time since I’ve spoken to a group. As I was practicing, reading the blog post a few times, I noticed my voice sounded like it was stuck in my throat. I did not think that was a good thing.
It’s allergy season. I hadn’t grown up with allergies. That role was my brother Joel’s realm. He was racked with sniffling and sneezing in the spring with hay fever, pollen allergies and more. As much as he loved little league, his nose itched on third base. I wondered if he could even see the ball given his watery eyes. He did well enough. But it was not until now, in my mid-sixties, that I can appreciate what he’s gone through his entire life.
Allergies are not pleasant. And even less so when I want to read with authority. But I needn’t have worried. When I looked at the attendees, I noticed so many kind and supportive faces and names, both those I knew, and those who came for the other authors. I settled in, allergies and all, and listened to the two other panelists, knowing it was better for me, and for them, that I stay focused with what they were reading rather than reside in my head worried about how I would do.
In fact, the show of support helped me to feel grateful, which in turn buoyed me to simply read and not watch my own performance. I’m not sure how I did, but the experience was extremely fulfilling. It’s so easy to be grateful when in the presence of caring individuals.
Self-Care Tips:
When you get your hands wet, rather than just washing them or drying them, feel the water, appreciate the wet sensation of touching water. Let the sensation of having water move through your hands capture a new perception of being in the moment.
Say Good night to yourself. It’s a simple acknowledgment that your day has come to an end and it’s time to put yourself to sleep.
Observe how you feel when in the presence of others. If you feel confident, energized or at ease, you know you’re in good company.
In thinking about what to write this week I wondered if I should write about Mother’s Day. But I decided that rather than writing more on the day that brings up so much for so many, I’ll limit my input by briefly folding it into the self-care tips, Then there have been amazing pictures online of the rare Aurelia Borealis. Though I didn’t witness it myself, those who captured the colorful wonder have posted images that defy words. What I’ve settled on is to say that when I reread my book a couple of months ago, In the Time of Coronavirus, for the last look before submitting it for publication, I became very uset. I thought, “Who do I think I am?’ and “what could I have been thinking?” and, “This is bad. I’m so embarrassed!” I have a long history of berating myself. At that moment I questioned my writing, and my hubris for thinking I could put a book out into the world.
I very down on myself. But I had gotten so far and I decided to give the final go-ahead, knowing I’d have to with all my feelings. It had been a dream of mine to be an author, and it was okay if this was my first, if flawed, book. I had learned a lot and I still have a lot to learn, so this would be a dream come true, even if there were things that upset me.
Once it was in pre-publication, the publishing date is June 4th, a few early reviews came in. They were very positive. The reviewers didn’t know me, nor did they have any incentive to write nice things about the book. Once I read a couple, I realized how hard I had been on myself, and, in turn, the book. Maybe I was simply wrong. Or I had unreasonable expectations. Not a rare trait. Just ask my family. I am grateful that others have been able to appreciate what I couldn’t. Though I know it’s probable that there will be mixed reviews, depending on the reader, it’s nice to know it will find its audience, and that is just fine.
Here are a few quotes from the reviews:
From Kirkus:
“Zinn writes in an unadorned style that feels both accessible and intimate. She discusses her subjects with gentle authority while making no claims to having all the answers.”
And:
“A pandemic remembrance that succeeds as both memoir and self-help guide.”
From the Book Commentary:
“In her poignant collection of reflections and self-care strategies, In the Time of Coronavirus, Janet Zinn examines the tumultuous landscape of the pandemic with grace and wisdom.”
And:
“This book might be about coping with the COVID-19 pandemic, but its wisdom is timeless, a message to accompany and inspire readers through any difficult moment.”
From The Feathered Quill:
“With its intimacy centering on Zinn’s experiences and its universality deftly depicted to reach the hearts and minds of others, her book is sure to fulfill the purpose she envisioned.”
And:
“ Janet Zinn’s self-help manual, In the Time of Coronavirus, offers an empathic, week-by-week view of the effects of coronavirus restrictions that will be read and appreciated by anyone seeking to solve a large variety of life’s problems.”
Though I was harsh with no clear perspective, I am open to the fact that my opinion in that dark place was purely subjective. I’m hopeful that other readers will find In the Time of Coronavirus useful and supportive when life’s difficulties emerge. In the end, my first book served its author when I was being too tough on myself.
Self-Care Tips:
Do what you can to reparent yourself. If your mother or caregiver was kind and accepting, you can replicate that care towards yourself. If your primary caregiver or parent was not someone who matched your needs, then find a way to be compassionate towards yourself for what you didn’t receive but can now give to yourself.
Another way to reparent yourself is to notice when you are being critical of yourself and ask “what can I do to be more accepting of what I’m going through?” And, “can I give myself something that might support me through this?”
Gift yourself a future copy of In the Time of Coronavirus. You can go to https://janetzinn.com or go to Amazon, Barnes and Noble, request it from your local library, or from an independent bookstore or book seller.
“Almost everything will work if you unplug it for a few minutes….including you.” -Anne Lamott-”
There are some days that I just don’t want to do anything. And if I have to do something it can feel particularly labored. I woke up this morning with a strong case of I don’t wanna. I was still tired, though I received eight hours of sleep. I was achy even though I’m stretching more given the needs of being in my mid-60s. I was able to get away last weekend, though it now feels like it was weeks ago.
The issue for me is that there is a lot to get done. The challenge is to break it down into what has to get done today as opposed to what I can do another time. When I feel like this I try to listen. I assume it means I need a break. And to get that break, I am choosing to do less today.
With that in mind, I will share more pictures taken earlier this week, and I will write less now.
Self-Care Tips:
When you have the belabored feeling that “it’s all too much,” see if you can take a short break. When we’re feeling overwhelmed, a break can feel counterintuitive, but in actuality it can allow you to move forward with a new willingness.
Don’t underestimate the power of small steps forward. Our minds often think in “all or nothing” ways rather than taking little actions that can create lasting changes.
Enjoy the solar eclipse with safe eyewear wherever you are in its path.
I made a trip to DC this weekend. I was going to visit family, see a musical, get to the National Portrait Gallery and enjoy the cherry blossoms. I was able to enjoy time with my family and see a most wonderful show at Arena Stage Theater. Bu it turns out the Cherry Blossoms were premature this year due to the warmer winter months. I thought I was early enough but that was not the case. I saw trees with waning petals, the best in Takoma Park, MD. But the city failed to provide me with the simple joy of full flowered trees wherever I went.
My first sighting was while on a speeding train due south. It looked promising on the bank of a river. Once in the city limits, I got to my hotel room and ran out to ensure the best viewing possible. Instead, they mostly alluded me. I was able to spot a few here and there. I walked the length of the mall to see what I could find. There was one cropping which was filled with a crowd, mostly posing under and close to the trees. Apparently a lot of people were visiting the capitol for the love of cherry blossoms.
Though the cherry blossoms were disappointing for the most part, it turned into a game and each time I saw a flowering tree I got excited. A made-up game, similar to those I played as a child. The real thrill was seeing my in-laws who I haven’t seen in years. They had changed and at the same time were very much the same in a comforting way that comes from familiarity. Their garden is the product of love. Their home, filled with beautiful artwork, was good to see again after too much time had passed. Then, last evening was a true gift. The Unknown Soldier, a stunning musical with beautifully woven threads composed by Michael Friedman, is a rich, nuanced show with an outstanding cast. Though I didn’t see it when it premiered in New York City at Playwright’s Horizon, it was wonderful to enjoy in in DC.
Outside the theater as light raindrops suddenly and unexpectedly arrived, an errant cherry blossom landed in my hair. My weekend was complete.
Self-Care Tips:
Create a game for yourself this Spring of finding and naming flowers as you go about your activities.
When you have an unfulfilled expectation, try to balance disappointment with discovery of hidden gifts. It’s important you don’t deny your feelings. But equally important that your disappointment doesn’t obscure something agreeable.
If you’ve been meaning to call, write or visit someone, reach out. We more often regret what we haven’t done rather than the actions we take.
This past week I heard of the death of two people from my past. I heard from three people presently who are ill, and we are all hearing about too many in our world who are in pain, who are suffering, or who have experienced significant losses. Life is precious.
I had a very full week. I laughed, I cried, I stayed in to rest and reflect, I went out to celebrate. I enjoyed wonderful music, good art, delicious food, and good friends, all while missing others who I didn’t get to see, and the few I’ll never see again. There is no right way to live in the presence of sorrow, whether personal or global. We all must find our own way. Yet, we can bring care and respect while navigating our challenges.
I choose to live fully. I tend to rest only after I have nothing left. Others do better to dig into less energetic pursuits. Let’s remember that we are all doing our best. When I can, I try to take into account that there is no ill intent on the part of others. They, too, are weighed down by life’s difficulties. When possible, I try to have grace for others. Though when I don’t then I try to have some grace for myself. My hope is that we will do our best to bring care to each moment and to all we encounter. When life is tough, when the world is hard, care can be a revolutionary act.
Self-Care Tips:
Give yourself grace when you’re not your best. It’s not a pass to behave poorly, but a way of proving kindness to yourself as you learn and grow.
If something doesn’t turn out the way you want, see if you can find a takeaway. Did you learn something? Was there an unexpected gift in it? If so, take that in. It may not make up for what happened, but you can still gain something from something that didn’t go as planned.
Put on some music and sing along with your favorite music. Get the lyrics online to make it easier. It’s a stress buster to do a sing-along.
We can be shiny and perfect and admired, or we can be real and honest and vulnerable and loved. But we actually do have to choose. Glennon Doyle Melton
I listen to Glennon’s podcast, “We Can Do Hard Things.” On one of her podcasts she said that she used to worry that no one was listening to her. Her audiences were small, her readership small. But then she started seeing and hearing the few who were listening. She realized that each person was important, not the number itself. It was so meaningful to hear that. I have taken it to heart.
A couple of years ago I had an idea for a book on courage. I worked on it assiduously, but it needed more rewrites. I took a break. The first thing I was told while writing the first draft was to build a platform. I was told if publishing companies would take me on as an unknown author they needed a large following from me. I tried to expand my readership as a blogger. I put out a few failed TikTok videos. I posted to most social media platforms. I was pushing too hard and not sufficiently expanding at my slow pace.
I’m no salesperson. Being an “influencer” requires a certain amount of salesmanship. It’s a specific skill set that I lack. In high school I tried sales, but it cost me more in gas than I ever made in earnings. Now, even though I’m supposed to be building a platform, I, instead, am finding out more about my readers. You matter. I am so grateful for your likes, your comments, your writings, posts and shares. I truly believe individuality outweighs crowds.
I am no longer upset, as I was when I was younger, when a party was small. I sadly focused on those who didn’t come rather than the caring souls who attended. That was a function of insecurity. It took a long time for me to appreciate those who show up. I can deal with small numbers of likes. I can look at the list and appreciate each person who has generously given of his/her/their time and consideration. My self-worth, our self-worth, is not how many people we connect with, but the quality of any and all connections.
I don’t know how many books of my pandemic era blog posts I’ll sell. I went with a hybrid press, Atmosphere Press, so I didn’t have to fully rely on my lack of sales acumen. They’d like me to sell a lot books, but it’s not a dealbreaker. Instead, I can continue to value the individual over the many.
I thank you for reading this, for being a part of my life, albeit, online, yet meaningful, nonetheless. You have truly helped.
Self-Care Tips:
* When you find that things didn’t turn out the way you expected, see if you can find the small gem in the new circumstances. It may not compensate for what you had hoped for, but it can give you something you didn’t know you needed.
* Think small. We often get overtaken by big numbers, big experiences. When we can be in the moment, we feel alive in a very special way.
* We live in a time of feeling overwhelmed. We can mitigate that by acknowledging what we have accomplished rather than focusing on what we think we have to get done.
As a psychotherapist I’ve noticed that so many people in and out of my office will say, “I know this is boring, but…” Traditionally therapists don’t respond, we only listen. I’m more interactive, so I respond to the statement that they think what they have to say is boring. I’m curious. I don’t find what they tell me boring. But I want to know how they see it themselves. The subject matter is secondary to their perceptions and experiences of living their lives. I am fascinated by that. Luckily my profession affords me to privilege of hearing their insights and opinions regarding their lives.
I can relate to the idea that what I have to say is boring. In fact, week after week in writing this blog I tend to stress over what I’m writing, then subsequently judging myself and my writing. I still write the piece figuring it may be boring for some and that’s the fate of putting something out there. It is perhaps even more true now that I am getting ready to publish my first book, In the Time of Coronavirus, Looking at the Past for a Joyous Future. It is a compilation of blog posts from the pandemic.
I’ve always wanted to write a book. And when a book I was working on about courage hit a wall, I decided to pivot and publish this book at the prodding of others. I will return to the courage book, as finishing it will be an act of courage in its own right.
In the meantime, I’m working on all the backroom details that have to get done to sell a book. I don’t like it. And, yes, I find it either stressful or boring, but necessary, nonetheless. So, I take walks, go to the theater, work, and enjoy small moments of grace to insert joy throughout the process. And when I’m stressed, I find solace in all that is boring. Boring is a gift. I used to think all things boring was a problem when I was younger. No more. In both my personal and professional lives, boring is anything but.
Self-Care Tips:
Enjoy a gratitude practice for anything you perceive as boring. Be grateful that life is providing a break from the hard stuff.
If you find something boring, tighten your focus and see if you can identify the small changes that take place. When driving it could be the music you’re listening to or the changes in the clouds. Focus on anything that shifts boredom to interest.
Rather than simply listening to, reading or watching those who have the same opinions and world views, listen, watch or observe with curiosity something or someone who sees things differently. Make sure to see if you can learn something rather than dismissing it right away.
“Don’t wait for people to tell you who you are. Show them. “
Laura Benanti
I just came home from seeing Audible Theater’s production of Nobody Cares, written and performed by Laura Benanti. She is a singular talent. Before the show there were a bevy of celebrities in the audience including Patti Lupone, Sarah Bareiles, and Larry Owens. They came to enjoy an evening featuring their colleague and friend.
I laughed aloud when I wasn’t deeply moved by Laura Benanti’s honesty and vulnerability. She mentions her therapist in the show, and I was honestly jealous that I’m not her therapist. Although, perhaps, in that case, I wouldn’t have been at the theater for what turned out to be a delightful experience.
There are only three performances before it’s mastered for Audible. You can hear it as an Audible production. And, though I enjoyed the visuals of the show, I will absolutely purchase the Audible version. No doubt I’ll get looks when I’m laughing aloud listening to the recorded version on one of my walks.
While I was downtown there were long lines to get into the comedy club around the corner from the theater. The restaurants were packed, and the streets were full of visitors experiencing the Greenwich Village lifestyle, if only for a night.
The city offers so much, and for tonight it was the incomparable Laura Benanti.
Self-Care Tips:
Go for a walk while the sun is out. The days have been gloomy and it’s impacted our moods. Take in all the vitamin D you can and notice the difference.
Laugh. Whether you look at New Yorker cartoons, watch silly videos, or turn on an old sitcom, there is nothing like laughter to break up the stress.
Enjoy soup in this cold weather. Make your own or buy one you like. Warm soup can be so comforting.
“True empowerment comes from knowing and embracing your own worth.”
Beverly Johnson
I just saw the new one woman show, In Vogue, in which Beverly Johnson shares her life’s story with a backdrop of photos of her, the culture, and other iconic people, movements, and moments in history.
I received a flyer in the mail and knew I wanted to see her. My mother was an avid magazine reader. As a young school-aged girl, I couldn’t wait for the monthly McCall’s issue so that I could play with the Betsy McCall paper dolls. In my teen years I waited rather impatiently for my mother to finish her Glamour and Vogue issues, so I could enjoy them second-hand, always pleased to see the beautiful Beverly Johnson on their covers. So when I heard she’d be in her own show I jumped at the chance of seeing her live and hearing more about her.
In an intimate off-Broadway theater seated on stage with black pumps, black designer framed glasses, and a beautifully tailored suit, Beverly Johnson sits regally on a director’s chair to the side of a large screen. I won’t tell you too much about the show, but I will say it begins honoring the many black women who were firsts.
Though she faced so many challenges there was not even a whiff of victimhood. She is proud of all she’s accomplished, and as audience members, we felt proud for her, too.
Not all trailblazers are famous. So many are the first in their family to go to college. Or the first person in their community to travel outside their zip code. Maybe you were first to pursue a dream, or to do something different from those around you. It’s so easy these days to get upset by loud and mean voices. It behooves us to purposely seek out inspiration from those who make a positive difference in the world around us.
Self-Care Tips:
Read a biography or memoir. Or watch a documentary of a vanguard and allow yourself to be inspired by the gumption it takes in setting a precedent.
Try something different. If you always eat the same salad dressing, try making your own with a new recipe or ingredient. You can always go back, but trying something new can open us up in unknown ways.
Find the courage to speak up when you someone is hurtful to you or others.
janetzinn 