Category Archives: Flaws

Broken Phone, Week Twenty-Five in the No Longer New Abnormal

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I was surprised today when I dropped my iPhone and the case cracked that it didn’t create a tailspin in which I cracked a bit, too.  Instead, I was thankful that I gave myself a day with a flexible schedule allowing me to take Lucy and me to the Apple store to have my phone repaired.  I even sat patiently waiting for my turn as Lucy demanded treats since it wasn’t her idea to leave our neighborhood.  Luckily I unknowingly stocked enough treats for the day.  

I can get a bit unhinged when things don’t go my way.  When I plan for an easy day it usually does not include hours in pursuit of a phone repair.  Somehow I wasn’t miffed.  I did what I needed to do. Though they were unable to fix my phone today, they will have the part next week.  And, Larry, who works at Apple, can take my phone in, leaving me phoneless for a day next weekend.  But it’s not a day with a phone session, so I think I’ll be okay.  

I am grateful for whatever was in play that allowed for a calm day despite the change in plans.  I espouse going with the flow, but I am not always the poster girl for that sentiment.  Somehow today was different.  Maybe it had to do that I wasn’t under a tight schedule.  Often self-enforces I try to get a lot done in any given day.  Maybe today will help me to take it easy more.  I have to say it certainly is more pleasant than adding pressure to accomplish more and more.  In having less to do, I was able to take care of what was most important.  Lucy got a long walk in, and I got to make sure my phone will be fixed.  

All in all a good day, cracked phone included.  

Self-Care Tips:  

  • Try to lighten up your schedule to make room for the unexpected
  • Make a note when you have a different reaction to an unwanted situation.  If you are more upset, check in with yourself to see if it’s added to existing stressors.  And if it’s less than maddening, appreciate the moment and enjoy the emotional freedom when it presents itself.  
  • Rather than judging yourself when you judge another, see if you can detach from the thought allowing that it’s a thought not an indictment of your character.  When we judge ourselves for judging others we only add to our judgements.  When we release the thought, we lessen what we deem unbecoming. Thus we are kinder to ourselves leading the way to have more compassion for others.  

My First Reading, Week Twenty-One in the No Longer New Abnormal

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I was nervous.  I had agreed to participate in a Zoom panel which included reading from my pre-published book, In the Time of Coronavirus. but it’s been a long time since I’ve spoken to a group.  As I was practicing, reading the blog post a few times, I noticed my voice sounded like it was stuck in my throat.  I did not think that was a good thing.  

It’s allergy season.  I hadn’t grown up with allergies.  That role was my brother Joel’s realm.  He was racked with sniffling and sneezing in the spring with hay fever, pollen allergies and more.  As much as he loved little league, his nose itched on third base.  I wondered if he could even see the ball given his watery eyes.  He did well enough.  But it was not until now, in my mid-sixties, that I can appreciate what he’s gone through his entire life.  

Allergies are not pleasant.  And even less so when I want to read with authority.  But I needn’t have worried.  When I looked at the attendees, I noticed so many kind and supportive faces and names, both those I knew, and those who came for the other authors.  I settled in, allergies and all, and listened to the two other panelists, knowing it was better for me, and for them, that I stay focused with what they were reading rather than reside in my head worried about how I would do.  

In fact, the show of support helped me to feel grateful, which in turn buoyed me to simply read and not watch my own performance.  I’m not sure how I did, but the experience was extremely fulfilling.  It’s so easy to be grateful when in the presence of caring individuals.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • When you get your hands wet, rather than just washing them or drying them, feel the water, appreciate the wet sensation of touching water.  Let the sensation of having water move through your hands capture a new perception of being in the moment.  
  • Say Good night to yourself.  It’s a simple acknowledgment that your day has come to an end and it’s time to put yourself to sleep.  
  • Observe how you feel when in the presence of others.  If you feel confident, energized or at ease, you know you’re in good company. 

Letting Go, Week Eighteen in the No Longer New Abnormal

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When I was younger and I upset someone, I would replay the incident over and over again.  I found it intolerable that someone would be upset or angry with me.  It felt devastating.  I would apologize again and again, becoming a nuisance.   Sometimes people would be more upset with my groveling than they were with the original upset.  I couldn’t get it out of my mind.  It felt like anything I did that hurt others was unforgivable.  There was no fun to be had.  

As a new age devotee in my late teens to early thirties I had embraced the idea of letting things go.  But I didn’t know how to do that.  I couldn’t let discriminatory situations go.  I was beyond upset when I was judged unfairly.  And, as explained, I couldn’t let things go when someone was upset with me.  

In this time of polarization, and post-pandemic frustrations, we are seeing more and more people hold onto ideology that is not being played out on the world stage.  It’s easy to look at the dismay and think that they should just let go of their fury.    But that is easier said than done.  

How many times have we been told, “Just let it go?”  I think that usually tells us more about the person who is advocating for letting it go.  I have found that letting go is a process.  It is not something you can simply do at a moment’s notice.  Though that seems to be the desire of others.  We have not expanded our tolerance for differences, so it can play out that others tell us to let go so they can feel more comfortable.  

Let us have patience with ourselves and others.  Let’s work on soothing ourselves when we’re uncomfortable.  That can be essential in the letting go process.  When we aren’t fighting how we feel or how others feel, there is more space to let go.  Or, even better, there’s more acceptance of what is.  These are hard times.  Let’s see what we can gain from the discomfort rather than continually trying to shut ourselves and others down.  

Though I have no definitive answers, I do believe that self-compassion, compassion for others, as well as patience and kindness can be revolutionary acts in times of intolerance.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • When you are working on letting something go, ask yourself,  “What am I experiencing?”  Then see if you can care for yourself as you go through it.
  • When you are upset with someone else’s stance, ask yourself, “What am I feeling in response to their stance?”  Then see what you need to care for yourself while not disparaging them.  
  • Do one small thing you’ve been putting off.  Today I mended a torn glove.  It’s not quite as good as new, but it’s done, and I can let it go.  

I Don’t Wanna! Week Fifteen in the No Longer new Abnormal

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“Almost everything will work if you unplug it for a few minutes….including you.”  -Anne Lamott-”  

There are some days that I just don’t want to do anything.  And if I have to do something it can feel particularly labored.  I woke up this morning with a strong case of I don’t wanna.  I was still tired, though I received eight hours of sleep.  I was achy even though I’m stretching more given the needs of being in my mid-60s.  I was able to get away last weekend, though it now feels like it was weeks ago.  

The issue for me is that there is a lot to get done.  The challenge is to break it down into what has to get done today as opposed to what I can do another time.     When I feel like this I try to listen.  I assume it means I need a break.  And to get that break, I am choosing to do less today.  

With that in mind, I will share more pictures taken earlier this week, and I will write less now.  

Self-Care Tips:  

  • When you have the belabored feeling that “it’s all too much,” see if you can take a short break.  When we’re feeling overwhelmed, a break can feel counterintuitive, but in actuality it can allow you to move forward with a new willingness.
  • Don’t underestimate the power of small steps forward.  Our minds often think in “all or nothing” ways rather than taking little actions that can create lasting changes.  
  • Enjoy the solar eclipse with safe eyewear wherever you are in its path.  

Take Care, Week Twelve in the No Longer New Abnormal

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This past week I heard of the death of two people from my past.  I heard from three people presently who are ill, and we are all hearing about too many in our world who are in pain, who are suffering, or who have experienced significant losses.  Life is precious.  

I had a very full week.  I laughed, I cried, I stayed in to rest and reflect, I went out to celebrate.  I enjoyed wonderful music, good art, delicious food, and good friends, all while missing others who I didn’t get to see, and the few I’ll never see again. There is no right way to live in the presence of sorrow, whether personal or global.  We all must find our own way.  Yet, we can bring care and respect while navigating our challenges.  

I choose to live fully.  I tend to rest only after I have nothing left.  Others do better to dig into less energetic pursuits.  Let’s remember that we are all doing our best.  When I can, I try to take into account that there is no ill intent on the part of others.  They, too, are weighed down by life’s difficulties.  When possible, I try to have grace for others.  Though when I don’t then I try to have some grace for myself.  My hope is that we will do our best to bring care to each moment and to all we encounter.  When life is tough, when the world is hard, care can be a revolutionary act.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Give yourself grace when you’re not your best.  It’s not a pass to behave poorly, but a way of proving kindness to yourself as you learn and grow. 
  • If something doesn’t turn out the way you want, see if you can find a takeaway.  Did you learn something?  Was there an unexpected gift in it?  If so, take that in.  It may not make up for what happened, but you can still gain something from something that didn’t go as planned.  
  • Put on some music and sing along with your favorite music.  Get the lyrics online to make it easier.  It’s a stress buster to do a sing-along.  

This is Not About Daylight Savings Time, Week Eleven in the No Longer New Abnormal

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We can be shiny and perfect and admired, or we can be real and honest and vulnerable and loved. But we actually do have to choose.  Glennon Doyle Melton

I listen to Glennon’s podcast, “We Can Do Hard Things.”  On one of her podcasts she said that she used to worry that no one was listening to her.  Her audiences were small, her readership small.  But then she started seeing and hearing the few who were listening.  She realized that each person was important, not the number itself.  It was so meaningful to hear that.  I have taken it to heart.  

A couple of years ago I had an idea for a book on courage. I worked on it assiduously, but it needed more rewrites.  I took a break.  The first thing I was told while writing the first draft was to build a platform.  I was told if publishing companies would take me on as an unknown author they needed a large following from me.  I tried to expand my readership as a blogger.  I put out a few failed TikTok videos. I posted to most social media platforms.  I was pushing too hard and not sufficiently expanding at my slow pace. 

I’m no salesperson. Being an “influencer” requires a certain amount of salesmanship.   It’s a specific skill set that I lack.  In high school I tried sales, but it cost me more in gas than I ever made in earnings.  Now, even though I’m supposed to be building a platform, I, instead, am finding out more about my readers.  You matter.  I am so grateful for your likes, your comments, your writings, posts and shares.  I truly believe individuality outweighs crowds.  

I am no longer upset, as I was when I was younger, when a party was small. I sadly focused on those who didn’t come rather than the caring souls who attended.  That was a function of insecurity.   It took a long time for me to appreciate those who show up.  I can deal with small numbers of likes.  I can look at the list and appreciate each person who has generously given of his/her/their time and consideration.  My self-worth, our self-worth, is not how many people we connect with, but the quality of any and all connections.  

I don’t know how many books of my pandemic era blog posts I’ll sell.  I went with a hybrid press, Atmosphere Press, so I didn’t have to fully rely on my lack of sales acumen. They’d like me to sell a lot books, but it’s not a dealbreaker.  Instead, I can continue to value the individual over the many.  

I thank you for reading this, for being a part of my life, albeit, online, yet meaningful, nonetheless.  You have truly helped.  

Self-Care Tips:  

  • * When you find that things didn’t turn out the way you expected, see if you can find the small gem in the new circumstances.  It may not compensate for what you had hoped for, but it can give you something you didn’t know you needed.  
  • * Think small.  We often get overtaken by big numbers, big experiences.  When we can be in the moment, we feel alive in a very special way. 
  • * We live in a time of feeling overwhelmed.  We can mitigate that by acknowledging what we have accomplished rather than focusing on what we think we have to get done.  

Today’s Quote

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Life is hard, you know, and laughter is how we come to terms with all the ironies and cruelties and uncertainties that we face. 

Desmond Tutu

USPS, Week Five in the No Longer New Abnormal

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“To write is human, to receive a letter: Divine!”
― Susan Lendroth

Yesterday evening I dropped a card off at the midtown east post office.  I was late in sending it and the post office was close to my plans for the evening.  For years I’ve passed by the public sculpture out front.  But I didn’t expect sculptures inside the post office.  It was a nice surprise.  

I love when life throws a curve ball and I’m there to catch it.  It’s a rare occasion. Yet every so often, like last night, I was able to enjoy some unexpected art.  I shouldn’t have been surprised.  The artwork of the stamps have become more beautiful as time has passed.  Long gone are the days of blue rolls of five cent George Washington portraits.  

I recently purchased a sheet of RGB stamps.  But that’s just the tip of the iceberg.  My current favorites are the 2024 love stamp, the waterfalls, the deco style railroad stations stamps, the most recent Hanukkah stamp, marine sanctuary stamps, and women’s rowing team stamps.  The designs are easy inspiration to send cards through the mail.  There’s nothing like getting a handwritten note among the bills and junk mail.  Snail mail may be old school, but sometimes something old school brings new surprises. 

Self-Care Tips:

  • Look for art in unexpected places.  Whether you’re in a post-office, a park, a mall, or simply walking around, enjoy it where you can.  
  • Go to USPS.com and purchase stamps that you like.  It will make sending mail more fun.
  • Send a card to a friend or family member.  They will appreciate it.  

In Vogue, Week Three of the No Longer New Abnormal

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“True empowerment comes from knowing and embracing your own worth.”

Beverly Johnson

I just saw the new one woman show, In Vogue, in which Beverly Johnson shares her life’s story with a backdrop of photos of her, the culture, and other iconic people, movements, and moments in history.  

I received a flyer in the mail and knew I wanted to see her.  My mother was an avid magazine reader.  As a young school-aged girl, I couldn’t wait for the monthly McCall’s issue so that I could play with the Betsy McCall paper dolls.  In my teen years I waited rather impatiently for my mother to finish her Glamour and Vogue issues, so I could enjoy them second-hand, always pleased to see the beautiful Beverly Johnson on their covers.  So when I heard she’d be in her own show I jumped at the chance of seeing her live and hearing more about her.  

In an intimate off-Broadway theater seated on stage with black pumps, black designer framed glasses, and a beautifully tailored suit, Beverly Johnson sits regally on a director’s chair to the side of a large screen.  I won’t tell you too much about the show, but I will say it begins honoring the many black women who were firsts. 

Though she faced so many challenges there was not even a whiff of victimhood.  She is proud of all she’s accomplished, and as audience members, we felt proud for her, too. 

Not all trailblazers are famous.  So many are the first in their family to go to college.  Or the first person in their community to travel outside their zip code.  Maybe you were first to pursue a dream, or to do something different from those around you.  It’s so easy these days to get upset by loud and mean voices.  It behooves us to purposely seek out inspiration from those who make a positive difference in the world around us.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Read a biography or memoir.  Or watch a documentary of a vanguard and allow yourself to be inspired by the gumption it takes in setting a precedent.  
  • Try something different.  If you always eat the same salad dressing, try making your own with a new recipe or ingredient.  You can always go back, but trying something new can open us up in unknown ways.  
  • Find the courage to speak up when you someone is hurtful to you or others.  

Encouraging Compassion, The Fifty-Second Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal

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We are at the end of 2023 and yet life goes on with all its difficulties, complications, wonders, and joy.  As we change the calendar year perhaps there is a better way to move forward.  We traditionally make resolutions.  Maybe we call them something else, but so many of us want to better our lives and a new year can feel like a blank slate.  

I am all for making changes.  I’m hopeful to be kinder and more compassionate with myself.  This is a hope I’m carrying from this past year, day to day, and moment by moment.  I find hope is not enough, though.  It takes a daily practice of bringing compassion especially in times of struggle.  To that end, I am relying on my experience that a daily practice of compassion or kindheartedness can change our lives in unexpected ways.  Our hearts open up.  We can listen from a place of curiosity rather than assumptions.  We can better tolerate discomfort as we work to ease our pain.  And we experience possibility rather than imposing past negative beliefs.

If we look back, we can all see that when we were encouraged, we blossomed.  In college, Dr. Jones was a tough grader, but she was so uplifting, believing in her students’ ability to think for themselves.  I wanted to do well in her class and did the hard work required. Conversely, in my creative writing class with a published author, I felt defeated as she had a very specific idea of good and bad.  As an insecure 18-year-old, I quit before I even got started based on her condemnation.  What was always a pleasure as a young teen turned into a shame-based exercise in her class. Two English professors with the same student and very different results.  

As we set off into early 2024 let’s do what we can to encourage ourselves and others.  If we find we’re having negative thoughts or words, perhaps we can see that we’re feeling stuck, and we can try again.  There is always an opportunity for compassion.  Whatever the year, compassion never goes out of style. 

Self-Care Tips: 

  • Create a transitional ritual for those times when you’re going from one part of your day to another.  For instance, during your commute to the office you can listen to an inspirational piece of music.  And, before returning home you could possibly take a short walk around the block.  This way when you start a new part of your day there is space between where you’d been and where you’re going.  It’s like a refresh.  
  • Create a “Done” list.  When we have to-do lists we can get overwhelmed.  With a “Done” list we can feel a sense of accomplishment.
  • Create a self-care list so that is available when things get stressful and you don’t have the mental resources to think what can soothe you, you can reference your list and choose something that will help.