Category Archives: Self-Care Sundays

Best Non-Fiction of 2024, Week Fourty-Six in the No Longer New Abnormal

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I was reading through my emails when I received a thoughtful text from a very kind person who sent me a picture of my book on the table of the Best Non-Fiction of 2024.  This was at the Barnes & Noble on the Upper Eastside of Manhattan.  How considerate it was to send me that picture.  And, how thrilled I was seeing my book in the photo.  It’s been challenging playing the promotion game, and I am not great at promoting my own interests.  Yes, I think the book would be helpful especially at this time.  I think it’s important to find the self-care tips during hardships whenever and wherever they show up.  And, thinking of what got us through past difficulties allows us to remember that we will get through this, too.  Those were a couple of reasons I wrote In the Time of Coronavirus.   I was so pleased when good reviews started to come in from those I didn’t know.  And, grateful for the couple of reviews from those who do know me, and still liked the book. 

It’s been easy these past weeks to focus on negative news.  And there’s plenty of it.  So I will take the joy where I find it.  Today it was looking at the text, and appreciating the kindness it took in sending it to me. It made my day.  And, though I am not comfortable doing promotions, I am challenging myself by sharing the picture here.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Brag a little.  Sometimes we need to advocate for ourselves by tooting our own horn.  I highly suggest this for shy or self-critical individuals.  It has meaning to state an accomplishment.  
  • Find what is funny.  We need laughter now more than ever.  I welcome suggestions.  I suggest Abbott Elementary, New Yorker cartoons, Wanda Sykes latest Netflix special. 
  • Practice active listening.  Rather than bring up a related topic based on a personal thought or experience, learn from what the other person is saying.  Listen for new information.  

Quotes for This Moment, Week Forty-Five in the No Longer new Abnormal

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Rather than add to the disquieting mix of this past week’s conversation, I am going to share two quotes that may be helpful now and going forward.  The first one was shared by my sister-in-law, Catherine North.  She has always been a champion for encouraging the best in those around her.  The second quote was shard in response to the first as a continuation of inspiration.  That was shared by a newer friend who I came to know during the pandemic.  Her name is Erin Falk and she lives with joy sharing her adventures as if we were there.  The pictures were taken this past week.  Walking helped me see what I love in and about the city of New York.  

This is by Howard Zinn, Historian and author, 1922 to 2010.  

“”To be hopeful in bad times is based on the fact that human history is not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness. If we see only the worst, it destroys our capacity to do something. If we remember those times and places where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us the energy to act. And if we do act, in however small a way, we don’t have to

wait for some grand Utopian future. The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory.”

And from the Writer and author, Toni Morrison, 1931 to 2019:

“This is precisely the time when artists go to work. There is no time for despair, no place for self-pity, no need for silence, no room for fear. We speak, we write, we do language. That is how civilizations heal.

I know the world is bruised and bleeding, and though it is important not to ignore its pain, it is also critical to refuse to succumb to its malevolence. Like failure, chaos contains information that can lead to knowledge — even wisdom. Like art.”

Self-Care Tips:

  • Go for a walk.  The sheer act of movement helps to metabolize emotions helping to bring clarity
  • Take in art.  See a film, read a book, view art, get to a live performance.  All art can be transcendent.
  • Buy the book.  In the Time of Coronavirus has many self-care tips that can assist throughout the next years.  If you have the book, just open it up and maybe you can find a tip that will help to soothe.  https://janetzinn.com/product/in-the-time-of-coronavirus  

Happy/Sad, Week Forty-Two in the No Longer new Abnormal

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Have you ever done something that makes you so happy you can feel the sadness below the surface?  That is exactly what I’m experiencing now.  I went for a run.  The weather is beautiful in New York City.  Perfect for a run.  The sun was tucked under the clouds so that I could see a gleam, but I didn’t have to shade my eyes.  East End Avenue, right by the water, was free of traffic so that I could soften my steps with Asphalt rather than pounding the concrete pavement.  I was happy to get out after too long a break from running.  I didn’t overdo it.  I went as far as I could while respecting my limitations.  All was good.  Yet, while I felt gratitude and joy, I also felt heavy hearted.  There is much in the world that saddens me.  I see no easy fixes.  And, too many are struggling and even suffering due to dehumanizing beliefs, powerful weather forces, war, bullying, and judgement with righteousness.  Need I go on?  

It is hard to know what organizations get money, supplies and direct help to those in need.  I’m not always sure what to say to my friends and family who are in pain or dealing with health issues.  Or how do I tell my friends who have been hit by hurricanes, flooding and tornadoes that I’m thinking of them when, at the moment, our area hasn’t been hit by powerful forces?  How do I stay compassionate when so many are angry, and rightfully so?  Since I’m not certain what to do, I will send love.  My imperfect offer to those struggling.  Yet I still feel so much sadness.  I also feel the joy of connecting to others, of connecting with you.  Let us all find ways to bring love, care, support, and resources where and to whom we can.  

Self-Care Tips: 

  • Allow yourself to feel mixed emotions.  It’s a richer experience than controlling hard feelings. 
  • Offer thoughts and/or support where you can.  It can be for those you know or those who you know need immediate help.  
  • Exercise your ability to listen. Rather than sharing your own experiences, ask someone how they are and simply listen as they speak.   

Zucchini Fritters, Week Twenty-Eight in the No Longer New Abnormal

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It’s sweltering outside.  The humidity and the temperature are high.  Though I have a good number of chores to get done, I’m choosing to spend this time writing this blog in the air conditioning.  I haven’t planned what I’ll write, so as unoriginal as it is, I’ve started by mentioning the weather.  Inspiration is not forthcoming.  I just walked away to go into the kitchen.  I cubed and toasted bread to make breadcrumbs to go with the zucchini I purchased today at the farmer’s mlaarket.  In fact, the bread came from there last week.  I ‘m making zucchini fritters.  The eggs that go in the mix come from another stall at the farmer’s market.  I didn’t see the right onions, so I’ll have to go out for them.  I so enjoy the sweet and savory combination of the fritters.  

Rather than a traditional blog post, I will share how to make Zucchini Fritters or Zucchini Cakes.  I don’t have a recipe so these are approximations. 

I medium to large zucchini

1 onion

Bread crumbs from 3 slices of bread (or about a cup or so)

2 eggs

Salt

Pepper

Vegetable oil

Grate the zucchini.  I use a food processor, but you can do it with a hand grater if you don’t mind spending more time.  Chop the onion, unless you purchased it chopped already.  Add salt, pepper and any other spices you like.  Beat the eggs then mix the zucchini, eggs, breadcrumbs and spices.  When the oil is heated in the pan spoon one at a time a tablespoon of the mixture.  Allow it to sizzle until it’s brown on the bottom, then flip with a spatula.  When they are brown on the reverse side, use the spatula to place them on a plate with paper towel to absorb the extra oil.   

You can also spray a baking pan and bake them in the oven using less fat and oil.  They aren’t as crispy, but the flavor is still there.  

You can eat them when cooked, or you can store them in the refrigerator.  I like them with tzatziki.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Enjoy fresh zucchini or other vegetables and fruits in season, no matter if you eat them raw or cooked.  
  • If you like to cook or bake, try your own interpretation of a recipe.  It’s delicious when you accommodate your own tastes. 
  • If you are uninspired take a detour and go in another direction

I Like Quotes, Week One of The No-Longer-New-Abnormal

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“Just do what works for you, because there will always be someone who thinks differently.”  Michelle Obama

I love quotes.  When I first started my psychotherapy private practice in the mid-90s before there were iPhones and Facebook, I had an answering machine, and the recording included quotes on there.  I changed them monthly or so, and it felt nice.  But I was a new therapist and I wanted to do things right.  It felt right to me.  Nonetheless, I was told by a senior therapist, one who I respected, that I might want to rethink having something so personal on my outgoing message.  The common practice was to be as neutral as possible. Her thinking was that a chosen quote could possibly be sharing unnecessary private information about me or, it might be misconceived.  

I regretfully took it off my machine.  I wanted to do the right thing, and as someone new to the field I thought a more seasoned therapist would know better.  Over the subsequent years I have come to believe that I can share quotes should I choose.  If a potential client feels uncomfortable with that, or they are not fond of the quote, then they are given important information and can move on to find the right therapist for them.  And those who align with whatever quote I post, may feel good about sharing in that philosophy.  Whatever the case, I have the freedom to express myself as long as I am also responsible for managing whatever consequences my actions may have.  

That therapist was trying to help.  I don’t think she was judgmental or bossy.  This is how she learned to practice and was simply passing on specific expertise.  I was too insecure to do what felt right for me, so I ignored my desire for self-expression is the service of doing what was deemed professional.  Now I understand that professionalism comes in many forms.  My office, described as shabby chic by one client, will not feel welcoming to someone who prefers a more neutral setting.  I wanted a homey feel.  It does impart information about me, whether in the artwork on the walls or from the books on my bookshelves.  And so be it. For me this is a welcoming space, but not for everyone.  

It’s taken me years to feel good walking in my own shoes.  They are not the worn tennis Tretorns my mother passed down to me in my teens and early adulthood.  Nor are they the stiff leather oxfords my dad brought home for me in my childhood and preteen years when they didn’t sell at his store.  They are shoes I’ve chosen on my own, colorful, wide, and comfortable.  I walk in them like the New Yorker I am, at a clipped pace walking around those who might slow me down.  

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.” Dr Seuss

Self-Care Tips:

  • Find a quote or quotes you like and keep it (or them) in a place you can come back to.  It will remind you to smile or be inspired, or both.  
  • Identify ways in which you express yourself that feel good to you.  Also identify those who appreciate you for who you are.  Make a point to be in touch with them so you can enjoy the ease of feeling the freedom to simply be.  If you feel misunderstood, look for those who might potentially share in your style of self-expression so you can live fully as yourself.  
  • Learn from your mistakes.  Sometimes we have to go left to see clearly we have to make a U-turn so that we belatedly go right.  

Ahhh, Naps, The Forty-Eighth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal

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Napping was my top priority this past week.  They were usually twenty to thirty minutes max.  They made a tremendous difference in my mood.  I was able to get through the week with a greater capacity for patience.  I had more room for the things that usually get under my skin, like loud car horns in grid lock, or the annoying overspill from packages protected with shredded paper or other messy stuffing. 

There’s nothing like a good nap.  It can be rejuvenating, especially when it’s been a long day and I’ve been short on sleep.  This past week rest was in order.  Life is full, which is wonderful, however, I need to pace myself.  Previously the learning curve has been slow going when it comes to pacing.  So, to get into a supportive pace I took naps where and when I could fit them in.  

I know I need the sleep when it’s so easy to fall asleep and I feel refreshed upon waking. For years I’ve prioritized movement over rest.  Now I’m working on finding a balance so that I am energized when in motion and I am naturally tired at the end of the day, allowing for a restful night.  Stress can interfere with sleep.  And there’s been no lack of stress for so many of us these last months and even years.  

I may not be able to control the amount of stressful circumstances that come my way, but the napping helps me to handle it better than when I’m sleep deprived.  As a moody person, I will continue to minimize the low moods by getting the naps I need.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Close your eyes.  If it’s an easy moment, open them again and see if you can look at the surrounding space differently.  Maybe you can notice something you didn’t see before.  
  • Close your eyes.  If you automatically feel sleepy, think if you cannot do something so that you can take a short nap. 
  •  Close Your eyes.  Imagine a world in which kindness, respect and peace are everyday norms.  Then as best you can, embody those values throughout your day.   

Happy Halloween, The Forty-Third Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal

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Some weeks are harder than others.  Having heard from a number of people this past week was just such a week.  I can certainly include myself in that mix.  For that reason, I am going to don a virtual mask, making this a quick post, while wishing you all a Happy Halloween.  Here are some city pics of the season. 

Self-Care Tips:

  • Give yourself a break.  If things are hard, find ways to let go of the normal routines to provide the energy needed for whatever is essential.
  • Dark humor that does not hurt anyone can even help in hard times.  
  • If you celebrate, enjoy Halloween.  If you don’t celebrate, lean into JOMO, the joy of missing out.  

Those Who Move Us, The Forty-Second Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal

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I’ve been watching Dear… on Apple TV.  I found it by accident.  While looking for another program a small square with Selena Gomez’s image caught my eye.  I clicked on her framed face and came upon Dear…  I watched the 30-minute segment and was immediately hooked.  

The series features individuals in the public eye, some athletes, actors, writers, or activists, as they engage with letters of those who have been inspired by them The featured famous person’s  influence has helped to change the letter writers’ lives.  

We all have people in our lives, those who have touched us, helping us to be our better selves.  My first memory of someone like that was Mrs.Schlosberg, my first-grade teacher at Stafford Elementary School in Cherry Hill, NJ.  Prior to her coming to our school, my classroom was in a corner of the school auditorium.  Our teacher was a mean woman who had me sit in the corner on a daily basis because I laughed out loud, a young child’s nervous habit.  There’s a thin line between laughter and crying. By the end of my school days, at the age of six, having been shamed for laughing, I would cry for being treated poorly by that teacher.  

Later in the Fall, we were moved to the old art room transformed into a new classroom. Our new teacher, Mrs. Schlosberg, was a compassionate educator who cared about her students.  She didn’t see me as a bad seed, she saw me as a child who was struggling, and she took the time and attention to give me a better experience as a first grader.  She helped me to become an ongoing learner.  And she taught me the wisdom of separating behavior from the person.  I did not inappropriately laugh in her class. I no longer felt uncomfortable.  I could laugh with ease when something was genuinely funny.  

It’s been a very long time since I was in Mrs. Schlosberg’s class.  Since then so many have inspired me, from those I’ve never met like Brene Brown, Glennon Doyle and Michelle Obama to those who have personally touched my life.  We may never know how we impact another person.  Though well-known people have a larger platform, each of us have made a difference to someone. This is why kindness is so important.  It grows exponentially, possibly making an impact even sixty years later.    

Self-Care Tips:  

  • Think of the unsung heroes of your life.  Take a moment to silently thank them for the ways they’ve touched your life.  
  • If you have Apple TV, check out Dear….  If you don’t, maybe you can find a documentary or a TED talk with an inspiring person.  
  • Provide a simple act of kindness.  You just might make someone’s day.  

Maine, The Twenty-Sixth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal

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Summers are not as warm in Maine as they are in New York City.  The air is fresh with ocean mists and the sun has been shy peeking out from the fog on this visit. We came to Portland to visit friends, enjoy lobster in any number of ways, and walk the charming streets in this compact city.  

The beauty of the coast is something else.  Cliffs making way to crashing waves is beautiful from the high land.  I imagine it was devastating for sailors of the past who found the shore inhospitable.  

Larry’s and my love of traveling together began over 27 years ago on a road trip through Maine.  We loved seeing the varying coastline, the New England inns that offered warmth and pure hospitality.  Of course, lobsters featured throughout that trip.  It is nice to be back.  And, even better to be back to enjoy it with our friends.  It was a gift to see how they built a home and a community in this wonderful place.  And they shared their love for Portland with us.  Their hearts are generous, and we are such fortunate recipients of their munificence. 

Taking this short trip reminds me again of the goodness in people, and the pleasure in leaving home to open my mind and my heart.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Send an old friend a hand-written note.  It’s so nice to connect with someone who has made a difference in your life.  If you can’t see them in person a note or letter feels good when sending it and they enjoy receiving it.  
  • Introduce new herbs and spices into your food, and/or into your garden.  I just tried lovage for the first time and it had a unique yet familiar taste to it.  
  • We’re always told to go out of our comfort zones.  Instead, give yourself some time to create a comfort zone for yourself that is cozy and safe.  Know you can always go there when needed, no matter how many times you leave.  

Rest & Activity, The Twenty-Fifth Week in the Second Year of the New Abnormal

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It was a muggy day in the city.  I went to bed late and gave myself the luxury of resting in bed yesterday morning.  There was a lot to do, but my body craved relaxation, and rather than rush to place my feet on the floor, I lingered under the sheets, enjoying the ease of a restful morning.  

I’m usually a doer.  At some point in my development I got the message that being lazy was not a good thing.  I made a point of being busy. Rather than being busy when necessary and resting when needed, I seemed intent on proving I wasn’t lazy.  However, I had ongoing  jealousy for those who enjoyed life doing less.  That seemed impossible to me.  Thankfully, post-Covid, I have come to see the value in proper rest.  

Though I still have a long way to go to unwind the belief that one must be busy, I am glad that yesterday morning I could enjoy a restful dawning of the day.  It allowed me to find the energy early in the afternoon to go on a short jog.  It’s been a year since I’ve been able to run due to a sprained ankle.  Even though I knew that long distance running was part of my past, I’m aware that I really enjoy running as an ongoing activity.  So, I put on my ankle brace along with two knee braces, and I set out to run for a mile on East End Avenue asphalt.

Asphalt is easier on the joints and fairly level, which makes for a safer run.  It felt so nice to run.  Albeit I’m slower with less energy than last year.  But it was the act of running that felt freeing.  I look forward to running again today.  Luckily, I had a great night’s sleep, so I’m well rested for today’s slow jog.  And, after that?  Maybe a nap. 

Self-Care Tips: 

  • What activity or experience is pure joy, so much so that you lose track of time?  How do you feel thinking about it?  When you have a chance, try diving into the activity.  If there isn’t an opportunity, think about it for a moment and take note of how you feel while basking in that memory. 
  • Reflect on your week and make a note of anything that went better than expected?  Are you able to have gratitude for the better-than-anticipated experience?  If so, take a moment to be with that gratitude.  
  • Check in with your body.  Do you have an abundance of energy?  If so, do something physical to optimize that energy burst.  If not, take a moment (or more, if possible) to relax, letting your body know you’re listening.