Category Archives: Uncategorized

So Long 2020, Week 42 in the Time of Coronavirus

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Before the end of this week we will welcome in a new year.  Never will there have been a greater collective sigh throughout the globe than at the rotating midnight hour of 1/1/2021.  We all faced many challenges throughout the year.  And we all learned essential truths about ourselves.  I learned that doing less was a relief.  I learned that patience is not an end point, but an ongoing process.  I learned to use my crankier tendences as a reflection on what vulnerabilities I am attempting to protect.  I learned that I still have a lot to learn in asking for help.  Plus, I learned that 2020 gave us endless opportunities to learn.  I also learned that even with the possibility of learning, sometimes learning to relax was the best option.   

            Having to slow down gave me a chance to see the best in others.  Family, friends and others shared their kindness and generosity of spirit again and again.  Courage rose exponentially as we faced multiple traumas.  There was the courage to get through a single day.  And there was the courage to recreate ourselves in the face of endless hardships.  

            I’m uncertain what the future brings.  I long to travel, but don’t want to go anywhere until we’re all safe.  I yearn live theater, however, I can’t say what that might look like post-pandemic.  January 1st will look pretty much the same as the other days these past months.  Nevertheless, I feel tremendous hope for our near future. Nature will continue to bring special moments, as long as we show respect to our natural world.  Thanks to acts of goodness and kindness, both apparent and unseen, we will continue to make it through this time of Coronavirus.  Personally, I thank you for reading these blog posts.  By giving your time and attention, you have been invaluable to me.  

Self-care Tips:

  • Rather than looking for happiness, try working on feeling deeply satisfied.
  • Instead of New Year’s resolutions, think of what you’d like to let go of at the end of this year.
  • Sleep, laugh and cry.  Not necessarily altogether, but each provides relief and release.  
  • Review this past year and acknowledge all you accomplished, both large and small wins.
  • Review this past year and celebrate the inner strengths you never knew you had.   

Finding Joy, Week 39 in the Time of Coronavirus

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I found joy on a rainy day.  Usually when it rains in this pandemic, I’ve been apt to wane in energy.  But when it was pouring outside this past week, I turned on an old dance playlist that Larry had previously made for me.  It includes disco, Klezmer music, Irish folk music, jazz and so much more.  I was in heaven.  It’s been so long since I’ve moved with utter abandon.  There I was in my office, all alone, dancing for a good hour to song after song, gyrating and laughing.  The power of music and movement is transformative.  

            I was slow to get out of bed as I felt the cool air while listening to the patter of the raindrops.  Coffee helped but it wasn’t the power elixir I needed.  At first I tried to go out for a walk, but the rain and wind were strong, and I didn’t want to start my workday wet.  So, I found my apple music app.  The last time I danced it was still called iTunes.  The first song was Elvis singing “All Shook Up.”  That got me into the mood without hesitation.  Luckily I’m on the first floor so no one was below me, allowing me to jump or spin when I was moved to do so.  

            In general, I’ve enjoyed small pleasures in this time of Covid-19.  I pass unexpected winter flowers.  Or I enjoy the cloud formations and light when the sky opens up between city buildings.  Fun is relative in the pandemic.  Yet, this past week fun was full and joyous.  Since I have hours of music, I’m going to dance again and again throughout the winter.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Send holiday cards.  We all need a little lift these days.  And, everyone enjoys receiving mail that’s something other than bills or junk.  
  • Stamps.  To send the cards go to USPS.com to find stamps that reflect you.  Or create your own at Stamps.com.
  • Call a friend.  We’re so used to using social media to get caught up.  A person-to-person call is a lovely old-fashioned connection.  
  • Rub your feet.  If you can reach them try putting cream on the soles and rub it in.  If bending down is difficult, rub your bare feet on a soft rug.  
  • Dance with abandon, alone or with your pod.  

The Desire for Instant Gratification, Week 38 in the Time of Coronavirus

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We made it through a very different Thanksgiving.  Then on black Friday I received so many emails advertising the “best” sales of the year.  I was intrigued.  I opened up small business and non-profit websites.  I purchased a few things that I unquestionably don’t need.  Now after the sale I’m not even certain if they’ll make good gifts.  What I do know is that there was something compelling about the immediate gratification at a time when so little is happening.  For a few brief hours I’d take breaks to peruse websites while making a couple of impulsive purchases.  Call it clearance therapy.  

It felt like a small liberation to acquire a few seemingly needless items.  The bargains were incredible.  And it felt strange to engage in such a frivolous action.  I understand that I’m privileged to buy stuff during this time of widespread unemployment.  Perhaps I chose small businesses as an unconscious compensation.  I like supporting solo endeavors, small businesses and non-profit organizations.  I grew up the daughter of a small business owner.  Sale season was always a boon for his shoe store.  The income from pre-holiday sales supported our family of six for the leaner times in the subsequent months.  When I started working as a cashier at 14, I’d go to the mall and spend my earnings on the best sale offers I could find.  

Perhaps it’s part yearning for times past, and part needing something special we get to choose now.   It’s true that so many of us crave instant gratification during this long stretch.  I got it Friday and will have another quick high when the packages arrive.  During this pandemic most of my immediate gratifications came while walking.  I’d see a beautiful light in the sky.  Or the flowers would catch my eye.  Actually, it was less immediate gratification than moments of grace.  And, having had my clearance therapy on Friday, I was able to get back to walking, and my slow running, enjoying the last colors of the season.  

We’re about to embark on living through the final month of 2020.  We employed a tremendous amount of patience to get this far.  And we’re being asked to wait even longer before we’ll be able to recognize certain aspects of pre-2020.  I guess a few transgressions along the way are a small price to pay for getting through this time of the Coronavirus.  

Self-care Tips:

  • Take in a poem.  It helps us to imagine differently. 
  • Wear cozy socks.  There’s nothing like warm, comfortable socks as the weather gets cold.  Try some with grips on the bottom to wear without shoes while indoors.
  • Warm beverages can be so soothing.  A favorite tea, hot cocoa, heated cider, or a warm adult beverage can all be enjoyed this season.  
  • Think of a personal quality that you judge unfavorably.  Now think of a way in which that specific characteristic can be a strength under certain circumstances.  
  • Try adding a new color to your life.  Whether you choose a different color for your mask, or you choose a vegetable that adds color to a meal, take pleasure in something different.  

Thanksgiving, Gratitude & Disappointment, Week 37 in the Time of Coronavirus

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There’s no doubt that this is a Thanksgiving like no other.  Many will spend Thanksgiving, if it is being spent at all, without loved ones.  In a large number of cases, it will be the first holiday without someone because they died, either of Covid-19 or from other causes.  It’s hard to feel thankful for these facts.  We can embody gratitude for what we’ve had in the past.  Or we may feel grateful for not having to be social when we’re not up to seeing anyone.  However, that’s a far cry from the delight of festivities of past years.  

Gratitude and its cousin, appreciation, can feel like a burden in times of fear, sadness and loss.  I am all for gratitude journals, and gratitude as a tenet of living a deeply satisfying life.  But we must come to this on our own terms.  When Thanksgiving comes around, I find there’s a collective social desire to manufacture gratitude on top of hardship.  A kind of “fake it ‘til you make it” premise.  I propose that we are tender with the losses and disappointments of 2020.  In telling the truth of what we have and what we don’t have any more, or what we never had, we can find compassion for ourselves in these times.  And if we can be grateful for anything it is for our capacity to heal.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Enjoy laughs. David Sedaris’s new book The Best of Me is just what we need in these times.  Hearing him read it in the Audible version adds to the pleasure. 
  • Consider the Buddhist tenet “we are not our thoughts.”  When you are having thoughts that you don’t like, or are uncomfortable, do a mental separation.  Touch your hand and say, “The is me.  That was a thought.”  You may have to repeat it a few times.  
  • Listen to jazz standards or other soothing music.  I can recommend Natalie Douglas, Diana Krall, or Nancy Lamott.
  • Hydrate.  We tend to forget to drink water in the colder weather.  
  • Purposefully take a day off.  If you can’t do that, take short breaks, even if it means going to the bathroom alone and taking a couple of breaths before resuming your responsibilities.  

Time, Boredom & Patience, Week 36 in the Time of Coronavirus

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I woke up early this morning.  My plan was to sleep in.  But we all know what happens to plans in this time of the coronavirus.  I took advantage of the early hour to run to Central Park to slowly jog in the park.  There are parts of my body that demand the slow pace.  While runners and walkers passed me by, I chose patience for my leisurely stride.  I admit there were moments I compared myself to other grey-haired runners who were twice as fast.  Then I went back to kind self-talk as I slowly but surely went around the Park Drive and other paths.  

The park looks beautiful.  Though drawn out, my run was anything but boring.  Yet, for many of us boredom has set in during the pandemic.  It’s not the ennui of a lazy summer weekend, it’s more of a dull lethargy.  It’s a feeling of “I don’t wanna.” It’s a sensation many have day in and day out as we ride the Coronavirus wave.  

 Most of us thought that we would see a slight bump and then get back to our understanding of “normal.”  We all know that didn’t happen.  We’re three quarters of a year in, and we are still showing signs of impatience.  The funny thing about time is that it can draw out our boredom.  Time can also give us the space to incorporate patience.  

            As a child, I can’t say that I really enjoyed the years I spent going to Shabbat services.  I would squirm in my seat waiting for the final benediction.  Those hours spent in Synagogue, as well as the hours spent in school assemblies, and at the beauty parlor waiting for my mom to finish getting her bouffant, taught me how to sit still.  They helped me to endure boring moments and they allowed me the necessary time to learn patience. 

            I wasn’t patient then.  I’m still learning to be patient now.  Without a lot of external distractions, I find that I’m more in tune with how I’m feeling, how I’m reacting, and how to care for myself in those moment.  The pandemic has been so difficult in so many ways.  Yet, one take away is that it has given me a chance to be a little more patient.  And when I am patient with myself and my varying moods, then I have more patience for others.  When things don’t go my way, and there seems to be a lot of that in the pandemic, I rely on patience to get me through.  It’s a somewhat flawed system, because when I lack the patience to be patient with myself, then I have to find the patience for my impatient self.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Go old school.  Watch a movie from the 30s like Swing Time, 42nd Street, The Thin Man or My Man Godfrey.
  • Double down on old school by checking out stand-up comedians like Jack Benny, Richard Pryor, Lily Tomlin, Robin Williams, Moms Mabley, or Wendy Leibman
  • Find a noise, a hoot, an out loud, “yay,” or something that’s all your own to cheer you on for small wins during the day.  i.e.: Yay, I took a shower today.  
  • Take out the good china, silver, crystal.  Sometimes we have to make any day a special day. 
  • Get rescue remedy.  It’s the perfect Bach remedy for these times.  

Light Coming Through the Darkness; Week 35 in the Time of Coronavirus.

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I hadn’t realized how stressed I’d been these last 4 years until the presidential election results came in.  My shoulders almost immediately released the tension I’d been holding.  I felt lighter.  Hopeful.  The heavy months since the coronavirus were revealed changed our world even further adding to my stress.  Mostly, I felt as if I was on the defensive, cautious when outside, exhausted at home.  In talking to so many other like-minded friends and family I heard they, too, felt a collective sigh of relief Saturday.  

I have no doubt that those who supported the president’s re-election do not share our jubilation.  They wanted something else.  But I cannot endure more divisiveness.  I don’t want to live defensively anymore.  I’m hopeful we can come together to create a change that is good for all of us.  

It would be easy to wait for January to see what happens.  However, I believe in my heart that the first steps are not to count on leadership to make changes, but for each of us to start repairing the relationships that can bare the hard work in the name of peace.  I know that I can do better at being gentle with myself when I get defensive.  And, in turn, be kind to others understanding they have their own pain. 

We are not strong when we compare ourselves to others to feel better about ourselves.  We are strong when we bring love, compassion and consciousness to our relationships and our shared lives.  I know I could stand to be less judgmental, less reactive.  I may not be able to stop altogether, but I can take steps, like pausing to ask myself what I’m feeling in that moment.   Then attending to those feelings.  We can start now to let the healing begin.  

Self-Care Tips

  • Give yourself a moment of silence.  See what it’s like for you when you have that small space in time.  What do you feel?  Is it uncomfortable? What are your thoughts?
  • Write down an apology.  You don’t have to send it.  But write down something for which you are sorry.  Then write what, if anything, will change now that you’ve apologized.  
  • Forgive.  Think about someone or a situation for which you’ve held a grudge.  See if you’ve already secretly forgiven that hurt.  If so, acknowledge that for yourself.  
  • Take your vitamins either as part of the food you eat or as a supplement.  
  • Be part of the solution.  Think of something that bothers you and take an action that brings you closer to an outcome you desire.  

Voting Anxiety; Week 34 in the Time of Coronavirus

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Although Election Day has passed, it still can be applied to this uncertain time.

The stress of this election during the pandemic seems to have expanded as we move closer to Election Day.  The conflicting commercials incite doubt and fear.  The news is alarmist.  And we’re taking it all in.  It felt empowering to vote, but it didn’t last long.  

            We ‘re living in a divisive environment.  Many friendships have ended solely based on political preference.  Families are divided over presidential partiality.  Now that we’re in the time of coronavirus we get even more agitated when someone claims that they’re voting for the opposition.  

It’s challenging to feel at peace now.  With any luck I feel it first thing in the morning and last thing at night between the time I get ready to meditate up until the moments of serenity following my meditation.  Nature also elicits a feeling of calm.  While here in the city I walk through Central Park, Carl Shurz Park, and Randall’s Island to enjoy the gifts of nature.  

The rest of the day is a crap shoot.  I may think I’m fine only to react to a seemingly insignificant interaction.  It happened yesterday as I was walking Lucy, our dog.  A woman got annoyed about our position on the sidewalk.  And I responded in kind.  I can’t say why it was important for me to interact with her at all.  But there I was reacting unconstructively to a stranger.  Conversely, there are many people I know who give me hope.  

Friends, new and old, provide faith in the power of goodness. My family provides that too.   They remind me of what’s important.  Common decency, a shared laugh at no one’s expense, being heard, being understood, and a helping hand are all qualities I appreciate in my friends. Most of us will be preoccupied early this week.  I know I’ll be working Tuesday and when I’m done, I will most likely reach out to a couple of friends.  It always feels good to affirm the power of kindness, especially now. 

Self-Care Tips:

  • Vote!
  • Use a soft liquid soap or a foam soap.  It’s a lovely soothing experience in the shower, and for your hands.
  • Be curious. Listen up or view things from an innocent place to take in something new.
  • Make a plan for election day.  It’s suggested you contact those who you find supportive.  
  • Check out this site for voting safely:  https://www.healthline.com/health-news/how-to-vote-safely-in-person-this-november#2’
  • Saccharine

Dropping, Spilling & Breaking; Week 33 in the Time of Coronavirus

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Today while making chili, beans spread out in the sink while I was draining them. Usually I’m not so lucky to have a contained spatter. Just two weeks ago glass shattered in all directions. I put on my shoes and cleaned up the shards that extended into two rooms. I’ve certainly seen an uptick in drops, breakage and absent-mindedness. It seems to have increased in these last few weeks. Yes, I can be clumsy, but I usually don’t have to clean up a spill every day. Well, I can’t say that anymore.

The amount of energy it takes to get through our days when we’ve been limited to external outlets is trying. There’s bound to be some fallout. For me one fallout is the inevitable dropping of at least one ball up in the air. Have any of us had to juggle so much while those around us are simultaneously juggling their own load? I doubt it. It’s my first time on such a long haul.

The good enough news is that I am better prepared to clean it up. Though I’m more careful on the outset, it has not prevented me from spilling my coffee, or dropping a jar of herbs. In the past I’ve cursed and resented having to interrupt my flow to wipe up the mess. Now I see it as part of the process. Albeit, a slow, dirty, frustrating process, but very much a part of this bumpy road we’re on. We now can expect the unexpected. It might come in the form of a broken vase or a wet counter. Or, sadly, it might be in the form of a broken heart, an interrupted life. Sometimes a rag can do the trick. Other times a box of tissues is not enough to catch the tears we’re shedding.

Let’s have patience with ourselves and each other. There may not be a solution for what we’re going through, but a kind word, a caring gesture can make all the difference in this messy era.

Self-Care Tips

  • When you drop something, take a breath.  Give yourself a moment, then clean it up.  Let the clean-up be its own activity.  
  • It’s soup weather.  Enjoy a new recipe.  Rely on an old favorite.  Or go out and purchase soup to warm up.  
  • Repeat this mantra for these times: “It’s not what I wanted, but it’s what I got.”  
  • Go old school and create a collage.  It can be a vision board, a creative venture, or make up your own theme.  
  • Find blue light glasses for your screen time 

I Was Wrong; Week 32 in the Time of Coronavirus

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Last week I made acorn squash with essence of orange and maple syrup.  I asked Larry to bring a spoon, as I thought that might be easier than a fork.  He proudly came back with a grapefruit spoon.  Silently I was annoyed.  Didn’t I just ask him for a spoon?  A regular spoon?  I begrudgingly took it from him.  I was tired and rather than open up with vulnerability, I found myself closing down with negativity.  When I tried the spoon, which has unobtrusive serrating, it turned out to be an excellent choice for the squash.  Larry likes to find the perfect tool for the job, and I was wrong to not trust him.  In the past I wouldn’t have even tried the utensil. I would have marched into the kitchen to get a regular spoon.  Yes, I have been known to be that petty.  Yet in this instance, being open allowed for a better culinary experience.  

For years as a defense mechanism I have needed to be right.  I would even sacrifice a better experience than admit I was wrong. Or, I’d say I was wrong, but secretly think I was right.   It’s hard to become a better person when I can’t be open to all that is unknown.  There’s nothing like a pandemic to test the limitations of being right.  So many of us thought this would be a short stint of sacrifice followed by triumph.  It is anything but that.  

I am faced with my foibles as I go through my days in a pandemic.  For those of us who are parents, we see the cracks in our seemingly strong facades on a regular basis.  As a therapist, I’m faced with the benefits and constraints of talk therapy.  We have no answers now.  We can talk about and work on making changes on how we deal with our current circumstances, but we cannot immediately change the national and global ills.  Personally and professionally I believe speaking about our hardships with the intention of growing is invaluable. If you prefer something more active, vote.  Also, we can deliberately make changes to the seemingly mundane.  We just have to be open to doing something differently.  Perhaps we’ll get it right if we admit we were wrong.  It’s working for me.  Thank you, Larry.  

Self-Care Tools

  • Try using a grapefruit spoon for grapefruits, squash and anything else you deem applicable.  
  • Find a course or article online on art, music, dance or theater history.  It’s great to dig a little deeper into an artform you appreciate.  
  • Change the way you put on your shoes, or other daily habit.  If you’re a sock, shoe, sock shoe person, put both socks on first.  If you always start with your right foot, start with your left.  See how it feels to switch up an ingrained habit.  
  • If you are incorrect about something, see if you can admit to being wrong.  It might feel like a lovely release.  
  • Do what you can.  These can be challenging times, do what you can, appreciating you’re doing your best under the circumstances.  

Who Cares About Rewards? Week 31 in the Time of Coronavirus

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I keep receiving emails warning me that my hotel or travel awards are going to expire.  Or, I’m enticed to go out to eat to get points and rewards.  I simply don’t care.  In the past I played the game and accrued points and rewards.  I was happy to join one program or another to earn gift certificates for shopping, extra discounts, free meals or nights at hotels.  None of this is of interest now.  The notices remind me that I have been an avid consumer, through and through.  

Once in a while I was able to enjoy a free meal or a room upgrade.  Or, I planned a trip in which I used miles.  Mostly, though, I found myself happy to have the points or rewards, while having no good use for them except in my mind.  Not being able to travel during the pandemic, and mostly not choosing to eat out in the city, I am left with these impractical accounts. 

These days I’m unloading rather than amassing.  Going through old spices, clothes that are uncomfortable, papers that are out of date, and any number other of items that no longer serve me.  I’m not sure what I’ll do with my travel rewards.  But one thing seems certain, continuing with most of these programs appears to be pointless.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Follow Duchess Goldblatt on Twitter.  It’s fun, literary, and caring.  
  • Do a duet in the shower with your favorite solo singer. Choose your bedroom or any place you like.  Use Spotify, Apple Music, Amazon Music, a recording or track, then sing at the top of your lungs.  
  • Squash is in season.  Branch out with a new variety like Delicata, Banana Squash, or Kabosha.
  • Identify and focus your energy and attention on your strengths.  This alone can support moving forward.   
  • Take a peek through a window into your unconscious.  Keep a notebook and pencil next to your bed.  Write down any images or dream you had as soon as you wake up.