I first started reading Roddy Doyle’s books as a young adult. I can’t remember if my sister, Sharyn ,recommended on of them, or if the movie The Commitments came out and I became an instant fan of his. Either way, his writing along with other authors such as Frank McCourt, Maeve Binchy, and Edna O’Brian had me long to visit Ireland.
After a good many decades I made it here. That is where I am as I write this in a hotel in beautiful Killarney Town. Today as we drove around the Ring of Kerry seeing spectacular views on one of the few clear and sunny days, my breath was taken away again and again. Even tonight, I was able to enjoy my first Irish sunset. Previous nights the clouds obscured any variation in color. Gray was the prominent hue throughout.
So, rather than tell you about this trip, which has been delightful throughout, I am sharing some pictures from my phone wielding photo app.
Thanks for taking the time to see a snippet of what I saw.
Self-Care Tips: Enjoy reading or listening to a Roddy Doyle novel. Funny & moving. Find a version of “Danny Boy” that you favor. Here is one blog with a number of versions: http://21essays.blogspot.com/2013/01/ten-great-recordings-of-danny-boy.html Think of books, music, and art that have influenced choices you’ve made in your life. It could be travel, recipes, occupations, friends, or anything else. Always important to see how the arts affirm us and change us.
This weekend I walked in the steaming heat enjoying Summer Streets while traversing Park Avenue without cars. I will miss the next two Saturdays, so it was a pleasant reprieve to have more than enough room while walking among pedestrians, runners, and cyclists. I am going away. Initially I packed for a hot summer, but according to the lower temperatures in Dublin I was ill prepared. Following my lovely and tiring walk, I unpacked and repacked for a ten-day trip to Ireland. Instead of tank tops and sandals I’m bringing sweaters and socks.
I am very excited. Reading Edna O’Brian and Roddy Doyle, starting in high school, have instilled in me a love of Ireland, though I’ve never step foot on the Island. It was my college friend, Shawn Wilson’s idea. We had been trying to get together for years. We both have busy professional lives with very different schedules. Shawn threw out the idea and the trip was planned within a day. Not only did we agree on the one week that was good for both of us, but she found an amazing local tour that appealed to both of us. Since I am usually the planner in my family, it was an extra luxury to have my friend take care of the details.
We’ll meet up in Dublin and go from there, probably taking too many pictures. In the meantime, I have a few off-the-beaten-path pictures of New York City, pre-vacation.
Self-Care Tips:
Hugs. If you know a good hugger exchange a great hug. If you are on your own, wrap your arms around yourself for a self-loving embrace.
Seek out something unusual for you. Read an article from another point of view. Look up an unfamiliar country and find out about its culture, foods, landscape and customs.
Enjoy in-season fruits and vegetables. The peaches are divine. The strawberries and blueberries are at their peak. And summer squash is sweet and versatile.
Having lived as long as I have, visiting friends and family sometimes means travel. Following our amazing time in Mexico City we took a drive to the Teotihuacán Pyramids, which were magnificent. It’s a pre-historic Mayan city. To walk in the same steps as those who resided there thousands of years ago is a powerful experience. From there we traveled on to San Miguel de Allende, a lovely small city with an artistic soul.
It was there I enjoyed a reunion with Annie, a friend for almost forty years. It had been decades wince we saw each other. What a joy to share our memories while catching up with life now. She, like many expats, has made San Miguel her home.
Year after year Travel and Leisure names San Miguel de Allende one of the best places to retire. Though stunning, warm, and inviting, the cobblestones alone, not to mention the hilly landscape, are a deterrent as a retirement destination for me. Even so, it is easy to see the happiness of so many retired individuals.
While in San Miguel, thanks to Annie, we had a wonderful time sitting on porches and balconies, catching up while city life passed by. She created an amazing trip for us. We saw markets, architecture, historical churches, art galleries, resorts, and flora and fauna. We were all exhausted with the wealth of activities. The food and drinks were delicious, and laugher was our soundtrack.
I am so grateful for my wonderful friends, near and far. It makes for a rich life, indeed.
Self-Care Tips:
Reconnect with friends, especially those with whom you can laugh. It’s always a joy when laughter is shared in our relationships.
As the weather gets warmer, sit outside to people watch, read a book, or just enjoy the scenery.
Rub your hands together until the palms are warm, then place them on tired eyes, on your heart or belly. It can be a self-soothing act.
Mexico City, Week Seventeen in the No Longer New Abnormal
Mexico City, what a vast and varied metropolis. The weather is perfect, cool mornings and warm afternoons with the sun shining. Though our time here is short, and I won’t have a chance to visit more than two museums, the Anthropology Museum and the Frida Kahlo house. Two spectacular museums from very different eras. I got lost in a large park yesterday enjoying the sculptures and the paths leading me out about a mile from my destination. There’s something so fun about losing my way and finding new people and places to enjoy.
The fruits and vegetables have been fresh and delicious. In fact most of the food here has been prepared with a love and pride of centuries of tradition. Each neighborhood feels distinct, and each block can vary within any given neighborhood. It is a spectacle for my eyes.
It also happens to be one of the most hospitable cities I’ve visited. Going on vacation, especially when it’s been delayed, and being treated so well only adds to the specialness of this time away. Though we still have much to see before we leave, I’m grateful to be here, so close to home yet worlds away.
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Self-Care Tips:
If and when you get lost, try to look for something unexpected that can add a bright note as you find your way back to where you want to be.
Be adventurous. You don’t have to go away to stretch yourself by trying something new, whether it’s a new spice or a different genre of music than you usually listen to.
Find the humor. It seems so many are having a hard time of it these days. Any small amount of levity can lift up our spirits.
When I was growing up in suburban New Jersey I didn’t know anything about self-care. The first experience I had that felt like self-care was when my mom treated me to a facial at Strawbridge and Clothier. They were having a special promotion. Although I couldn’t control my weigh, we could try to tackle my acne this one time.
Though the focus was to improve my skin, It felt luxurious to have an aesthetician apply steam to my face followed by a facial massage then rich creams applied with gentle fingers. This was so different from the daily Strident Pads and mismatched Clearasil routine I’d become accustomed to.
The facial came with an unexpected make-over. I was beside myself with glee as I felt pampered in a way I had never experienced. When finished I looked much older than my fourteen years with the make-up, but I felt like a new person. A temporarily, sophisticated young woman who got facials. This felt like a real treat.
But following that one Saturday, the idea of self-care remained a mere memory for decades. Then in my thirties as I attended mental health workshops and retreats, I was reintroduced to the idea of self-care.
Self-care is not the same for everyone. It’s why I make suggestions rather than state that there are only certain ways to care for oneself. For many facials are a part of their self-maintenance. For me facials will always be a self-care activity, a rare treat while on vacation. There is a distinction between self-care and self-maintenance. And it is different for each of us
We all live unique lives and how we choose to spend our time can vary vastly. I now consider meditation self-maintenance rather than self-care. Viewing art once a week is self-maintenance for me. Often coupled by another maintenance activity, a destination walk. However, should I find myself in more than one museum, then the visits are self-care. Sleep is absolutely self-maintenance. A phone call to a friend with plenty of tears and laughter could be either self-maintenance or self-care depending on the friendship, the call’s purpose, and the timing.
It’s not always easy to distinguish the best ways to care for ourselves. I do believe that self-maintenance is still a form of care. Nonetheless, whether it’s self-maintenance or self-care, it’s an active statement that we matter.
Self-Care Tips (Or Suggestions):
Give a friend a call, or a text for a walk, coffee, a meet-up, or for a conversation. Make sure it’s someone with whom it’s natural and easy.
Start a savings account for something you want. It can be as small as $1 a week, or collect change in a jar. It all adds up if there’s a regular deposit, and it gives you something to look forward to that you earned yourself.
Find a way to volunteer. Find something you like so that it doesn’t feel like an obligation but a happy way to give to others. The season is upon us, so there are a lot of opportunities.
There is a distinct feeling of “hygge’” a Danish word for contentment that comes from comfort and an easy friendliness, that perfectly describes the vibe we encountered in Copenhagen. Last week we had taken advantage of an Icelandair special to visit Copenhagen. I have always wanted to go to Nordic countries, but they seemed so remote. This deal with a stopover in Iceland was exactly what I needed to bridge the gap from a dream to a reality.
Throughout the years I’ve read food and travel blogs about Denmark and Copenhagen. And Copenhagen did not disappoint. The food was excellent. It’s so much fun to visit the outdoor markets, the covered markets, the cafes, the bakeries, and the restaurants. And, like New York, Copenhagen is a great walking city. Every chance I had I walked for miles, getting lost, finding myself in unknown neighborhoods or parks where there was always something new I encountered.
Our very first day in Copenhagen, jetlagged and hungry, we set off for a foodhall. The closest good one, we were told, was only one stop away on the “S” train. We dutifully walked the 15 minutes to the train station, bought our four-day pass for public transportation. The machine preferred European credit cards, so another ten minutes were spent trying to obtain our cards, but we prevailed. Next, we set off to find the S train, only to see that there were multiple tracks. We were flummoxed.
Luckily, a passerby helped us out and though we ended up on the Subway, we eventually found our way to the market. She was the first of many who embodied the hygge vibe. She was friendly, considered our request, and offered the best way she knew to get there. Even though we stopped others who had not known the directions we needed, all were kind, pausing from their morning commute to listen fully to our request. And, though it was our first hour in the city, there were many interactions that reflected the hygge mentality.
Right before we left for vacation, I had read a post that was critical of those who share their vacations on social media. She, the poster, saw it as bragging. It’s possible my posts can be perceived that way. Though not my intention, I do understand that traveling is a luxury, and it’s not always accessible to all. And, yet I love traveling and it’s an aspect of my life that always feels enriching. However, I did wonder if it was appropriate to share my travels.
After considering her post, I decided to share my experience. Travel means a lot to me. It gives me joy. Not only do I get a great deal out of traveling, the least of which was learning more about hygge on this trip, but I do bring back what I learn and do my best to apply it to my everyday life. I’m happy to be home. There is a hygge in sleeping in my comfortable bed, though I do miss the feather beds on our mattresses in Copenhagen. I am grateful to apply a new type of ease to my daily activities. There’s a good reason Denmark is the second happiest country in the world. I hope to visit Finland at some point, as that was rated number one. I look forward to seeing what I can learn on that trip.
Self-Care Tips:
If you listen to or read someone who has a very strong opinion, see if it applies to you. What they say is reflective of their point of view. So often we shut down our expressive selves because someone else says it’s not okay. Do your best to be okay with your choices and live your life fully as you, while not purposely hurting yourself or other. And understand not everyone will be okay with your choices, only you have to be okay with them.
Apply “Hygge” to your life. Find ways that bring ease and comfort. It’s simple but not always easy to take the path of least resistance.
Create a savings account for a specific goal or dream. For instance, I have a separate travel account. Even if your budget is small, set aside a dollar a week, less if that’s what’s needed. It can make the goal seem more real. There are many no fee apps and banks that allow for this type of account. Or you can use a specific change jar for a goal. This is great at any age.
When I was growing up summer was always book ended by the academic year’s completion in June and a new school year following Labor Day. In between were hot days at camp, or at home in the backyard under the sprinkler, with regular trips to Hidden Lake or the Haddontown Swim Club for substantial wet reprieve from the beating sun.
Here we are at this 2023 summer’s finale on this Labor Day weekend. The air is cooler as if a declaration that summer is at its end. In my teen and preteen years I would have been working at my father’s shoe store ringing up saddle shoes for the cheerleaders, parochial oxfords for local children attending Catholic schools, and Buster Browns for the public elementary school crowd.
There was anticipation in the air. We went to Korvettes or Grants to load up on school supplies, including Lego-sized sharpeners for our number 2 pencils. Figuring out what to wear on the first day was a pressing matter after first grade. Oh, how I loved my plaid wool skirt, with red fringe and a large gold-plated safety pin as an adornment. It was worn with a Danskin ribbed turtleneck, and red tights that never stayed up, causing me to waddle home at the end of that first day. I didn’t care. I loved that 60s fashion trend.
Now in my 60s, I appreciate those memories, and miss the clear delineation of seasons as signified by the school year. Time now is not marked by classes and tests. The year is of my making. Though I appreciate the freedom that allows, I do wax nostalgic for the endless summers and the structure of school in session.
AsI let go of this summer and welcome Autumn in all its glory, I hope you, too, can enjoy sweet memories while relishing the transformative Fall season.
Self-Care Tips:
Give yourself a break. If you have a “should” for this weekend or week, pause to see if it must get done, or whether you can put the “should” on pause and do something restful and/or fun instead.
Learn a new word, and when possible, use it. I can recommend “WordDaily.com. However, there are a good number of vocabulary apps and sites. This week featured the word “Disembogue,” meaning a river or stream flowing into the sea or a larger river.
Delete unwanted or unused app or apps from your phone. Or you can unsubscribe from mailing-lists you find annoying. Letting go of the junk emails, and ignored apps can feel like a reset.
Summers are not as warm in Maine as they are in New York City. The air is fresh with ocean mists and the sun has been shy peeking out from the fog on this visit. We came to Portland to visit friends, enjoy lobster in any number of ways, and walk the charming streets in this compact city.
The beauty of the coast is something else. Cliffs making way to crashing waves is beautiful from the high land. I imagine it was devastating for sailors of the past who found the shore inhospitable.
Larry’s and my love of traveling together began over 27 years ago on a road trip through Maine. We loved seeing the varying coastline, the New England inns that offered warmth and pure hospitality. Of course, lobsters featured throughout that trip. It is nice to be back. And, even better to be back to enjoy it with our friends. It was a gift to see how they built a home and a community in this wonderful place. And they shared their love for Portland with us. Their hearts are generous, and we are such fortunate recipients of their munificence.
Taking this short trip reminds me again of the goodness in people, and the pleasure in leaving home to open my mind and my heart.
Self-Care Tips:
Send an old friend a hand-written note. It’s so nice to connect with someone who has made a difference in your life. If you can’t see them in person a note or letter feels good when sending it and they enjoy receiving it.
Introduce new herbs and spices into your food, and/or into your garden. I just tried lovage for the first time and it had a unique yet familiar taste to it.
We’re always told to go out of our comfort zones. Instead, give yourself some time to create a comfort zone for yourself that is cozy and safe. Know you can always go there when needed, no matter how many times you leave.
Happy Father’s Day. When I say that it conjures up so much for me and for so many others, I expect you included. Many of us have had varied relationships with our fathers nothing like Father Knows Best, The Courtship of Eddie’s Father, Blackish, or even Home Improvement. If only we could tune in for 30 minutes a week and enjoy the comical moments that focus on the highlights of the best parts of them, with a little silly thrown in.
My dad was king when it came to bad dad jokes. I would groan, embarrassed I had a dad who would even say “Don’t bother. Everything looks good this way,” every time I offered to clean his overly-smudged spectacles. Larry, though fastidious with his eyewear, has taken on the torch of bad dad jokes. Usually they’re groaners, but once in a while they make us laugh. Maybe he’s not comedy ready, but the few good ones could be included in a non-existent situation comedy.
Whatever our experience is with our dads, good, difficult, sad, troubled, no one is one dimensional. I will always appreciate my father for working in his shoe store at age twelve and thirteen, my second job following babysitting. I learned how to work the cash register, count backwards to give proper change, and people watch. I could see when finances were tight, and the family was spending money they didn’t have to get back-to-school shoes for their children. We always made sure they got a small toy to go with their purchase. Of course, Buster Brown customers, the families who could afford new shoes for Autumn, in addition to maryjanes for special occasions, would get a molded replica of Tige, Buster Brown’s dog, or some other brand trinket.
I recognized the lonely ladies who had difficult feet to fit who came in to find their next slip-ons, even though they would go home with nothing. My dad worked as hard for them as any of his customers, even as he knew he needed to make his sales to keep his business afloat.
I learned about hard work, and I learned about the unfairness of life while helping him out at the store. I also learned how to clean a rug with an overused, old vacuum cleaner. All valuable life lessons.
Sometimes our dads inspire us to reparent ourselves. Their best might not have been best for us. So we muddle on learning from our mistakes, and theirs, so we can learn to care for ourselves better, as well as others others, if possible.
Larry is a loving father. He made sure that Alex benefitted from his music connections to see special shows and concerts. He learned to love gently and learned acceptance as our son transitioned to a young trans man.
Parenthood can be a lesson for all of us no matter who our fathers are or were, or even in their total absence. Parenting is an ongoing process of love, patience, humility, joy, fear, sadness, awe, grief, and so much more. But isn’t that true of all of life?
Self-Care Tips:
Make a list of what you’ve learned from your father, good, bad or otherwise. See how that imperfect relationship has shaped you. See if you are able to be grateful for something he/they brought to your life.
Being caring to yourself today. Reparent yourself in a way that embodies the parent you need at this time.
Laugh. It can be something dumb like a dad joke, but enjoy a moment of levity today.
It was a mere coincidence that we happen to be in Split, Croatia the same day the New York Times travel section featured 36 hours in Split. It’s about the same amount of time we’ll be in Split, which is a beautiful port city on the coast of the Adriatic Sea.
I would hear what a stunning country Croatia was. Anyone I knew who traveled there would expound in its beauty and charm. But having so many places we wanted to travel it never made it to the top of our list. Then I had read that Intrepid Travel, a small group tour company, had been named the number one tour guide by a few outlets like Afar, Travel Awards, and more. It was then I looked at their itineraries, and the Croatian trip of the Dalmatian Coast fit the bill for time, cost, and interest.
So here we are with a view of the Adriatic Sea, enjoying the ruins of the last Roman Emperor’s castle from the 4th century, Diocletian. Yeah, I had never heard of him either. That’s what’s so great about travel, we learn so much while enjoying another culture.
What did surprise us is how delicious the food is. We think of Italy when we think of pizza, and yet, in Split pizza is everywhere. Almost like New York City, except it’s a walled town with no high buildings. So not like New York at all. And the fresh seafood is exquisite.
It does feel as if we’ve been transported to another time. Before reaching the city center there is a centuries old farmer’s market where farmers come in the morning to sell their wares, from handmade cheeses to deep red cherries. They tend their farms in the afternoons, only to return the following morning. From there we enter the city gates. I can walk inside the gothic city walls for hours, getting lost through the labyrinth of narrow alleyways. When I find my way outside the city walls, the fresh sea air is invigorating.
And, when I tire of continuing my walk the length of the marina, I can sit watching the many tourists with a lovely cup of cappuccino. Split has proven to be a wonderful start to a memorable Balkan vacation.
Self-Care Tips:
Look up a Croatian recipe. It will be something new that will only enhance your culinary repertoire.
People watch. It used to be a wonderful past time before smart phones. But it’s a lost art worth revisiting.
Get a short history lesson by going to Tic Tok or YouTube. Pick a subject or location and learn a new fact or two from the comfort of your home.
janetzinn 