Tag Archives: humor

Virtually a Relationship

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Sometimes, as a therapist, it’s hard to leave my work brain at home.  While minding my own business, or so I thought, at a local restaurant, I came to observe a young professional sitting at the next table.  He was with his colleague. They were engaged in a heated discussion about the merits of outsourcing versus in-house accounting support. Not a conversation that was of any interest to me. At one point, the late-20-something guy next to me, a fit man with dark hair and a trim mustache, and a tailored blue shirt sans jacket, took out his phone and commanded Siri to find a study that supports the cost effectiveness of outsourcing.  He had been speaking to his younger colleague, a shorter man with light brown hair and glasses, with the same ferocity as with Siri. Not only that, he lacked the word please in any of his interactions with his server.

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That had me start thinking if our relationships with Siri as a possbile indicator of how we relate with others.  So, I decided to do a sampling while out and about.  And, yes, my very casual, highly non-scientific research seems to suggest there’s a correlation between our human and virtual relationships.

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I witnessed a bold teenager the other day speaking to Siri with ease, trusting that it Siri is  a tool she can use whenever she wants.  With simple finesse she took out her phone and asked Siri how long it takes to get to the West Village if she walked.  Siri told her it was about 45 minutes.  She then promptly ordered an Uber.  The entire interaction took less than two minutes. She’s oblivious to the privilege of having information and transportation readily available to her. It’s an unconscious privilege reflected in her nonchalant demeanor.

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At her age I might have wondered the distance from my house to the Philadelphia, or the City, as we call it in South Jersey.  I would have waited for the right weekend, gotten a ride from my parents to the town or county library.  Then I would have gone to the reference section on another floor, and looked up the atlas that would have provided the information.   I might have then had to calculate time versus distance. All of that could easily have been a two-week process.    It might not have been walking for five miles in the snow to get to the schoolhouse, but it’s my generation’s version of that.

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After the teenager got her ride I thought of my friend who loves Siri, enjoying and appreciating how lucky she is to get answers right away. She is a positive person and seems to find joy in all her friendships.  She sounds delighted when she can answer a question.  With a smile in her voice, she’ll say, “Why don’t we ask Siri!”  We all feel lucky to be in her company.

 

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And, then there’s the timid boy on the crosstown bus who asks his questions quietly.  Siri responds with “I don’t understand what you asked. Can you repeat the question.”  I do hope he will have a great teacher who helps him feel safe asking questions.

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Could it be Siri does more than answer the queary of the moment?  I think so.  I imagine it might just tell us how we treat others.  And it could possibly be an indicator of our expectations in our relationships.

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As for me?  I have yet to use Siri.  In general I don’t easily ask for help from others.  Perhaps I can learn from this and start a meaningful relationship with Siri, mindful of how I address my new best friend.

 

 

(All images are from the internet)

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My Super Power

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When I was in the fifth grade I had a recurrent dream that I could fly.  I was elated that I could soar past the bullies and the teasers.  I loved that they had to look up to me in my dream.  I soared in the air down Haral Place past the mailbox on my way to Stafford School.  I held onto that dream.  It gave me a sense of being special when I felt anything but special.

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But the teasing got worse in junior high.  Patty Craven howled at me as if I were a dog.  She bribed a classmate to ask me out so they could laugh at me.  She was cruel, but I took it.  I found small ways to be unkind to others, somehow justified in my low social ranking.  I wasn’t proud of my behavior.  I got myself, and an accomplice, in trouble by confessing to a teacher.  I couldn’t live with my guilt.

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It was then that I longed to be invisible so I could hear what the popular girls said about me, but they wouldn’t know I was there.  I could disappear so that I wouldn’t be inclined to emulate the bullies.  I just wanted to blend in, so that my frizzy hair and my bad complexion wouldn’t make a statement.  Or I didn’t want to be seen at all.  But, that was not to be. Once in a while I would still dream of flying, but during the day I was an obvious target.

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Being invisible seemed like the coolest super power.  Casper was a friendly ghost and he was invisible.  It was a nice power.  Samantha and her relatives could become invisible on Bewitched.  And, Jeannie from I Dream of Jeannie could vanish after some mishap.  Boy, would I have loved that in school and at home before my mother punished me.

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Nonetheless, like all the mortals I’ve known, I could not make myself invisible, until now.  Forty-six year later, at the precipice of my 60thbirthday my wish has come true.  I walk down the street and must quickly side step the person coming towards me. I look at the businessman leering at the woman in front of me while unaware of my presence.  Tada, meet invisible me.

 

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On the sidewalk I’ve had gadget-frenzied individuals run into me, shocked when they hit a person who was unseen moments prior.  I can hear inappropriate conversations in ride shares because the other passengers aren’t aware that this particular unobserved person can hear their banter.  I am reading my emails on the bus when two loud friends sit next to me and continue in their outside voices, as if I am not there.

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These are the minor inconveniences.  More than anything, being invisible has its advantages.  I am no longer concerned on the days I go around with unkempt hair. My shoes are comfortable because I’m okay with someone seeing me with my walk-friendly athletic wear, understanding that most people won’t be looking at all.  There’s a delightful freedom in that.  Not only can I face the world with abandon, I observe the quirks of others in private.  So I embrace my invisibility.  Though it serves a different purpose from the wish of my 13-year-old self, I am relishing the magic of post-mid-life invisibility in the present.

Free Shakespeare in the Park

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On a sweltering Tuesday in August, in my first full summer as a New York City resident, I was nervous and excited about the prospect of obtaining free tickets to A Midsummer Night’s Dream at the Delacorte Theater in Central Park. The day in 1982 was hazy, and the great lawn was full of picnickers all with numbers for a place in line. I was number 26. I had gotten there so early, maybe 7 AM to ensure my audience participation. And, I was far from the first one in line. But with a coffee and an H&H bagel for breakfast, I felt well-prepared. Hour after hour of baking in the sun, I was a lucky recipient of two tickets to the show.

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The production was magnificent. Directed by James Lapine, a name I wouldn’t recognize until after the first production of Into the Woods, Shakespeare’s mystical comedy was a seamless theater piece. Before the show I spotted Kevin Kline among other stars in the V.I.P. section. As a young aspiring actress, I felt part of something.   Christine Baranski was spot on as a comedic actress. William Hurt was dreamy.

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35 years later, Larry, my husband, and I celebrated our 20th anniversary seeing the latest production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Another wonderful evening of theater, this time with the wonderful singing voice of Marcelle Davies-Lashley. Although neither Larry nor I had ever heard of her before, we’ll be following her now. And, though the entire cast did a great job, our notable favorites were the indomitable Annaleigh Ashford, plus Danny Burstein and Kristine Neilsen.

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It was so much fun to share the evening with Larry. Between our work, our parents, our kid, and life’s needs, we don’t go out even half as much as we did twenty years ago. We very much felt like a part of something as as audience members, as New Yorkers, a supporters of Free Shakespeare in the Park, and as a couple. It’s more fun to laugh together. And, for that I appreciate a good night’s theater under the stars.

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(All images are from www searches)

 

Rushing to Yoga; A Grounded-Spirituality Post

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It could have been any day.   I woke up, and immediately did a mental check list of all that had to get done before I left the apartment. I had promised myself that I would make room for yoga. It had been too long and I missed the class and the benefits from going. So, in addition, to gearing up for a busy day, I was in a crunch to get through the family rush hour to make it to class.

First-things-first. I meditated, or I sat down on a mat, spending time with myself, trying not to think of anything except the moment, but getting caught up in the quagmire of my thoughts. Every thought took me away from the moment in which I had the thought. Oh well. Next I brushed my teeth, took a shower, got dressed, made breakfast for myself and my daughter, ate, read and answered emails, and made a list of everything else to be done that day. If I didn’t write the list, then they wouldn’t get done, and I’d have a faint sense that I was missing something. Okay, I was left with a mere five minutes to catch up with my husband. We did that, promising we’d be in touch during the day. I dressed for the cold weather and I was out the door. Down the steps, and I turn back around since I forgot my yoga mat. Then I flew out the door, ran down the stairs and ran to the gym, where I took class with a wonderful Hatha Yoga instructor, Suzanne.

I made it just in time. Well, actually, I was a couple of minutes pass 8:30 AM, but the teacher was speaking with a new student about her assorted injuries. I set up, and I was good to go.

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It’s funny to me that getting to yoga, an activity which grounds us, and has the capacity to bring us inner-peace, is fraught with anxiety and hurried angst. I seem to live in two worlds. The one world is filled with my to-dos. The other world is all I do to remedy living in a hectic environment. I take yoga to feel better. And, I feel better when I take yoga and other things like it. Yet, I haven’t bridged the gap between my yoga class and the rest of my life. At this point, my sense of humor will have to suffice in the absence of a constant Zen presence. Maybe I can find a laughing yoga practice. Another to-do.

Mood Minders

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Weight Watchers is known in the diet arena for their Points Plus platform. Inspired by their model, I am introducing my own points program.  It is a diet, but not of the food variety.  My points program is based on overall attitude rather than foods and exercise.  I am naming it “Mood Minders”™, an alliteration to assure successful branding. 

            Mood Minders”™ works like this.  We start out with twenty points per day, with an extra 40 points for the week to use at your discretion. You can use a portion of your weekly points daily, or you can save them up and have a full fledged tantrum at the end of the week, if you like. 

Neutral moods are zero points.  So if I’m observing a situation but not getting upset or making it personal, then it’s a zero points experience.   For instance, if I’m watching a driver parallel park on my block, and I notice they must be from the suburbs where they normally park in a lot, but I am not critical of the many maneuvers they make to come as close as 10 inches from the curb, then it’s zero points.  However, if I make a nasty comment to my husband and we banter on about our superior parking acumen as compared to the shnook in the car, then it goes from zero points to costing me four points.  Two points for being catty, two points for innocuous gossiping.  Cruel gossip can cost as much as ten points, since it’s not just a mood, but can be mean spirited. 

            We earn the most points, eight, by volunteering, random acts of kindness, and true forgiveness.  Laughter and joy earn us a hefty five.  Patience and generosity are also worth six points.  And, the good news is patience for yourself, as well as for others, is counted as well.  I was able to earn my six points when I made a mistake in my Mood Minders™ meeting by pronouncing omniscient, “omni cent.”  While being corrected by one of the self proclaimed intellectuals in the group, I felt my face flush, thanked him for correcting me, and smiled meekly.  If it weren’t for my minding my points, I might have made a pathetic excuse, while silently cursing him for saying anything.  Instead of costing me points, I gained points, forgiving myself for my error, and forgiving him for using my mistake to show off. 

            Based on my new program, my well wishing to Weight Watchers gave me three bonus points.  I can later use those points in the event I find myself being critical, like when I ask tight-lipped that my husband pick up his dirty socks, again, as I did yesterday and the day before that.  Of course, a program as rigorous as Mood Minders™ should be done with the support of a group and a group leader (me).  Note:   I do not lose any points for arrogance since I did not claim to be a great leader.  I merely stated my role within the group.

Let’s take a look to see how some of patients, I mean Mood Minders™ group members, have fared. 

Norma wasn’t quite depressed, but she was constantly comparing herself to others, whining that her life wasn’t as good. She had been known to describe herself as miserable. This always cost her four points, two for complaining, and two for burdening others with her gloom. It took the loss of many points in meetings to get Norma to finally track her points.  She as appalled and dismayed to find out that while she viewed her misery to be the fault of others, in the end she was in a points deficit herself.  She started recording, and has now created herself anew.

Then there’s middle-aged Paul.  He was a rageaholic.  If something didn’t meet his expectations he would yell, bullying others to change things so he could be appeased.  He would become virtually apoplectic when on the phone with his cable server when there was a service failure.  But once he started working the Mood Minders™ technique, he thought twice before he reacted.  He realized he had a choice about instantly becoming irate.  He learned to take a moment before reacting.  He started to think before he went into a complete frenzy. It’s not that Paul doesn’t ever get angry anymore.  But he knows he only has a certain amount of set points for his rage, so he judicially uses them when a situation is worthy of that response.   Paul can now manage to stay relatively calm when speaking with his IT manager, even when his computer is on the fritz, because he knows that being patient with him will help him get the result he wants.  He still yells at sales people from time to time.  But not always, and never in the few hours on Tuesday before he attends his Mood Minders™ meeting. 

Amy started Mood Minders™ when her anxiety was at an all time high.  She was a worrier.  Once she found out that she could earn points for laughing she had would intersperse her angst with mirth.  She stopped frowning as much, saving her countless thousands in botox injections.

Although Norma, Paul and Amy are a mere sampling of the possibilities of Mood Minders,™, there are all kinds of unhappy people. And, if you’re reading this and thinking you are above Mood Minders,™  Think twice.  Self-righteous indignation is a lonely path, and a holier-than-thou attitude will cost you a hefty 5 points.  But by following MM’s simple outline, life can be more enjoyable.  

           

 

A quick outline of Mood Minders™:

 

*You have the power to choose how you react to situations.

*You can minimize your unhappiness, and maximize pleasure

*You can still be miserable, if you like, your points are yours to use

 

Zero point moods:

Feeling your feelings without judgment, Observation, patiently waiting

One Point:  Mild annoyance, Apprehension, Slight Impatience, Boredom

Two Points: Rolling your eyes at someone’s comment; having a bit of a snide tone when speaking

Three Points:  Defensiveness, Being Judgmental

Four Points:  Mild Gossip, Self-righteous Indignation

Five Points:  Being a Naysayer, Help-Rejecter (Someone who asks for help, then when given the help they reject the offerings)

Six Points:  Quitting Because You Don’t like the Probable Outcome, Bragging at the expense of Someone Else, or Trying to Look Better than Another

Seven Points:  Scaring Another with Your Anger; Scaring Yourself by Coming Up with Worse Case Scenarios

Eight Points:  Intentional, mean-spirited gossip; Laughing At someone in public

Above Eight Points:  Taunting, Bullying, Spiraling with Fear or Anxiety, Saying hateful things to yourself

 

**Bonus Points**:

One: Refraining from Sending Superstitious Chain emails; Smiling

Two: Small forgivenesses; Being a Good Sport

Three: Giving Compliments; Writing Thank you Notes

Four: Keeping Your Judgmental Opinion to Yourself

Five:  Full-out laughter; Spreading joy

Six:  Patience; Generosity

Seven:  Good Manners; Being Gracious

Eight:  Volunteering; Random Acts of Kindness, True Forgiveness

Joyous Laughter, Glee, Volunteering, Random Acts of Kindness, Forgiveness, Complimenting others, Taking responsibility for one’s actions, Giving Anonymously to Charity, Charitable Giving (less of a bonus, but on the plus side, nonetheless)

 

 

If you want more information, or you think the Mood Minders™ itinerary is right for you, you can become a founding member of Mood Minders™ for a generous fee.  The high cost will ensure you extra weekly points since you will be contributing to the growing prosperity of this amazing program.