Tag Archives: Yoga

Choices

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Unknown-1Someone else doing yoga

I am not going to my yoga class today. If I go I won’t get a chance to write, and I want to go for a jog before work, too, which I won’t be able to do if I go to my class. I love yoga and will miss the stretching and the relaxation that comes from the class. Lately I’ve chosen not to go more often than I go. I miss it. But when I do go, I miss these easy mornings before long days. I miss time spent with the family in the morning, or taking Lucy, our dog, for a walk and enjoying beautiful Carl Shurz Park. With every choice I gain something and I lose something else.

ImageLucy

Unknown-2A View of Carl Shurz Park

When I was in my 20’s & 30’s I hated making choices. I felt personally responsible for others’ happiness and if I made a choice that someone didn’t like, then I felt deeply guilty. I always said, “it doesn’t matter to me, you decide.” Often I did have a preference. I preferred to go to a café rather than a coffee shop for breakfast, but I kept my mouth shut, while I silently regretted their decision. It took a long time for me to be able to voice my preferences. It’s not always easy, but I’d rather have a say in what happens, feel whatever I feel in relationship to the results than resent the ultimate outcome.

When we’ve experienced deprivation in any form making certain choices can feel daunting. We know we’ll feel a loss of what we don’t get, even as we know we’ll enjoy what we have. This has happened to me on vacations. By the time I take a vacation, I am so looking forward to the rest. Yet, because I yearn to travel the world, I am sad that I’m not choosing the Amalfi Coast over an inn in Connecticut. The practical, easier choice is the inn, which will be lovely. But the Amalfi Coast looks splendid. And, Italy is a wonderful country. If, in the end, I choose to go abroad, then I choose wander over simplicity.

6951_p1The Bee & Thistle Inn

Unknown-1Amalfi Coast

No, I am not deprived in that I get a vacation, a luxurious option in any life. But considering my options brings up all the times I had to do what I was told without being able to voice my unhappiness or disgust. The fear of the consequences of voicing my displeasure always seemed worse than just doing what I was told.   So even though my current life is not one of deprivation, making a simple choice can feel oppressive. But with practice the deprivation lessens, and the choices get easier. So, as I learn from a day without yoga , I feel more equipped to make the harder choices that life brings our way. And, I don’t feel like the old victim because I now understand that I do have a say.

Rushing to Yoga; A Grounded-Spirituality Post

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OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

It could have been any day.   I woke up, and immediately did a mental check list of all that had to get done before I left the apartment. I had promised myself that I would make room for yoga. It had been too long and I missed the class and the benefits from going. So, in addition, to gearing up for a busy day, I was in a crunch to get through the family rush hour to make it to class.

First-things-first. I meditated, or I sat down on a mat, spending time with myself, trying not to think of anything except the moment, but getting caught up in the quagmire of my thoughts. Every thought took me away from the moment in which I had the thought. Oh well. Next I brushed my teeth, took a shower, got dressed, made breakfast for myself and my daughter, ate, read and answered emails, and made a list of everything else to be done that day. If I didn’t write the list, then they wouldn’t get done, and I’d have a faint sense that I was missing something. Okay, I was left with a mere five minutes to catch up with my husband. We did that, promising we’d be in touch during the day. I dressed for the cold weather and I was out the door. Down the steps, and I turn back around since I forgot my yoga mat. Then I flew out the door, ran down the stairs and ran to the gym, where I took class with a wonderful Hatha Yoga instructor, Suzanne.

I made it just in time. Well, actually, I was a couple of minutes pass 8:30 AM, but the teacher was speaking with a new student about her assorted injuries. I set up, and I was good to go.

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It’s funny to me that getting to yoga, an activity which grounds us, and has the capacity to bring us inner-peace, is fraught with anxiety and hurried angst. I seem to live in two worlds. The one world is filled with my to-dos. The other world is all I do to remedy living in a hectic environment. I take yoga to feel better. And, I feel better when I take yoga and other things like it. Yet, I haven’t bridged the gap between my yoga class and the rest of my life. At this point, my sense of humor will have to suffice in the absence of a constant Zen presence. Maybe I can find a laughing yoga practice. Another to-do.