Category Archives: courage

An Anniversary, Week Twenty-Seven in the No Longer New Abnormal

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It’s something of an irony that my and my husband’s 27th wedding anniversary is on the 27th week of this year.  I like coincidences like that.  When the stars align, I feel good all over.  Twenty-Seven years is probably the longest commitment to anything I’ve done in my life.  I like variety, so in the past I could do something for a while and then I’d move on.  I took a very different tactic for our marriage.  While Larry is someone who likes routines and enjoys what he knows, I like to try new things, preferring to being adventurous rather than staying in place.  Though we were a bit older than our contemporaries when we got married, I was 38 to Larry’s 45, we had a lot to learn about relationships, particularly long-term relationships.  

Since our respective backgrounds varied a bit, we each brought a bit of balance.  I learned to enjoy the here and now more, while Larry learned to enjoy exploring.  I expanded my love of rock & roll, bluegrass and country music.  And Larry learned to enjoy solo performers and some Broadway & off-Broadway musicals.  I learned to appreciate food on the road, while Larry eats more salads now.  The list goes on, but you get the point.  There’s give and take.  

And, because life isn’t fair, we’ve had our share of hardships.  We’ve weathered storms we weren’t sure we’d get through.  And, we’ve experienced unexpected joy, which has encouraged us to keep going.  So here we are in the 27th week of 2024, celebrating 27 years of marriage, and all that goes with it.  I’m proud of our stick-to-itedness.  It hasn’t always been easy, but it has been rewarding.  And for that I am eternally grateful.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • When we are spending time with someone who is very different than us, be curious.  See if their interests can help us to grow in any way.  
  • Celebrate pride.  Or, as an ally of LGBTQ+, show  support for all those who haven’t always had a chance to live openly proud.  
  • Hum.  Humming can be a mood lifter.  

The Half-Way Mark, Week Twenty-Six in the No Longer New Abnormal

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We are officially halfway through 2024.  It’s a great time to reevaluate then manage any expectations we’ve had for this year.  This is the year I’ve had my first, and perhaps my last, book published.  It feels good to have accomplished that.  I am now in the weeds attempting to promote the book while working full-time.  Promotions do not come naturally for me so it feels like I’m rolling a big bolder uphill uncertain if like Icarus is will roll down again.   But I’m challenging myself to do what I can and then challenging myself yet again let go of the results.  When I measure my self-worth by the results I produce I may experience a fleeting high, but in the end I try my best to be proud of going beyond my limits no matter how things turn out.  

These days doing TikTok and Instagram videos with self-care tips is way beyond my comfort zone.  Every day I tell myself that I can quit and enjoy some quiet time.  I think I’ll keep going for now taking my quiet time in August like most traditional psychotherapists.  I started the year with other goals as well.  One was to give away more stuff than I brought in.  I have been giving stuff away, but I am not great at letting go of things I like.  I was also going to stretch more and do more yoga.  I keep my yoga mat out in my home office.  Many days it’s aspirational.  But the mornings I include it in my routine I feel good.  Not so much for checking it off my list, but for giving myself a little something extra to get through my day.  I will take the wins where I can.  

I hope this half-way mark of this year allows you to reflect on your accomplishments and take it easy on yourself for the ongoing hopes and aspirations you may have.  There’s a time to push ourselves, and a time to be gentle.  My experience has been when I’m pushing too hard it’s time for some gentle kindness.  But really, when is it ever not a time for kindness for ourselves?  No time I can think of.  

Self-Care Tips:  

  • Reassess what is possible and probable this year and find a way to accept this new information.
  • Look for free opportunities in your area.  In NYC we have galleries, traveling Shakespeare, concerts and so much more.  You may enjoy a local sports event, a history walk or whatever is offered locally.
  • Clean out your medicine cabinet.  There’s bound to be expired products and cosmetics, soaps or other items you no longer use.  

Broken Phone, Week Twenty-Five in the No Longer New Abnormal

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I was surprised today when I dropped my iPhone and the case cracked that it didn’t create a tailspin in which I cracked a bit, too.  Instead, I was thankful that I gave myself a day with a flexible schedule allowing me to take Lucy and me to the Apple store to have my phone repaired.  I even sat patiently waiting for my turn as Lucy demanded treats since it wasn’t her idea to leave our neighborhood.  Luckily I unknowingly stocked enough treats for the day.  

I can get a bit unhinged when things don’t go my way.  When I plan for an easy day it usually does not include hours in pursuit of a phone repair.  Somehow I wasn’t miffed.  I did what I needed to do. Though they were unable to fix my phone today, they will have the part next week.  And, Larry, who works at Apple, can take my phone in, leaving me phoneless for a day next weekend.  But it’s not a day with a phone session, so I think I’ll be okay.  

I am grateful for whatever was in play that allowed for a calm day despite the change in plans.  I espouse going with the flow, but I am not always the poster girl for that sentiment.  Somehow today was different.  Maybe it had to do that I wasn’t under a tight schedule.  Often self-enforces I try to get a lot done in any given day.  Maybe today will help me to take it easy more.  I have to say it certainly is more pleasant than adding pressure to accomplish more and more.  In having less to do, I was able to take care of what was most important.  Lucy got a long walk in, and I got to make sure my phone will be fixed.  

All in all a good day, cracked phone included.  

Self-Care Tips:  

  • Try to lighten up your schedule to make room for the unexpected
  • Make a note when you have a different reaction to an unwanted situation.  If you are more upset, check in with yourself to see if it’s added to existing stressors.  And if it’s less than maddening, appreciate the moment and enjoy the emotional freedom when it presents itself.  
  • Rather than judging yourself when you judge another, see if you can detach from the thought allowing that it’s a thought not an indictment of your character.  When we judge ourselves for judging others we only add to our judgements.  When we release the thought, we lessen what we deem unbecoming. Thus we are kinder to ourselves leading the way to have more compassion for others.  

Old Lady TikTok, Week Twenty-Four in the No Longer New Abnormal

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I spent five days this week recording short videos for my new book, In the Time of Coronavirus, Reflecting on the Past to Embrace a Joyful Future.  I am uncomfortable promoting the book.  I am not made for publicity and sales.  They are not my strengths.  But I am willing to move out of my comfort zone (though is life ever really comfortable?) and attempt to promote my book by sharing self-care tips from the paperback.  

The lighting has been all wrong.  I jerry-rigged a desk and a stack of books to record the videos.  And, I have no idea how to edit , so you can see m turning the record button on and off.  I see wonderful, professionally styled videos on TikTok.  But every time I go to the app, I am flummoxed and can’t figure out some of the simplest issues.  

I imagine I’ll learn through trial and error.  Or I can hope to befriend a much younger person who can guide me past my antiquated ways.  In the meantime, I will hobble along posting substandard clips.  Hopefully the featured self-care tips will be value-added on these amateur endeavors.  In the meantime, I’m living and learning.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Keep the self-care tips coming, buy In the Time of Coronavirus.  Perhaps this tip is self-care for me.  But it is my hope, you will benefit from the tips in the book.  
  • Keep a pad & oen along with a small flashlight by your bed.  If you have a hard time getting to sleep, or you wake up with thoughts swirling, writing worries or thoughts down long-hand without the assistance of a lit device, will help you to get the sleep you need.  
  • When making a written request, reread what you’ve written to make sure the request is clear thus enhancing your chances of getting what you want. 

Holiday Weekend in L.A., Week Twenty-Two in the No Longer New Abnormal

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How could it be that the weather in New York City is better than the weather here in Los Angeles?  This is my second trip in the last few years and it’s also the second time when it’s too chilly to enjoy the “always” good weather of L.A.  As the day goes on the sun warms the streets, not to a perfectly mid-70s day, but at least the temperature rises to the high 60s.  

I booked a hotel with a pool, but I don’t know if the heated water will keep me warm in the early hours of the morning.  It would be great to swim as the sun rises.  I imagine I’ll wake up early since it’s three hours later in New York, and I have yet to adjust to West Coast time.  

As it turns out the pool is properly heated and my solo swim at 7 am was long and luxurious.  No one came to the pool, and I was able to have an under-water meditation in motion.  A great way to start my day.  

I will be attending a wedding, one that I’m very much looking forward to.  I already had a chance to catch up and laugh with friends, and tonight I can continue with that.  There’s something so special about meeting up with friends when it feels as if no time at all has gone by, even if our hair is greyer and our joints are creakier. 

I had to shorten this trip to get ready for my book launch on June 4th.  I’m glad I came, but there are endless list of things to get done to try to make this book a success.  Though, it’s already a success if I consider all that I’ve learned in the process.  Not always easy or fun, but lessons well learned, nevertheless.  I’m happy to enjoy this short break with friends, and I’ll be happy to be home to race against the clock in accomplishing all the lies ahead.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Keep a book, hard cover or paperback by your bed for nighttime reading.  There’s nothing like holding a solid book in hand and allowing the written word to woo you to sleep.
  • Slow down.  We tend to make mistakes when we rush.  I know this from a multitude of personal experiences.  When we slow down our focus tends to sharpen, and we can accomplish the same amount because we don’t have to go back to fix our mistakes.  
  • Challenge your taste buds.  Try a new cuisine.  Or try something familiar with spices and herbs you don’t usually eat.  There are many ways to spice up our lives, this suggestion is meant to literally spice up your life.  

My First Reading, Week Twenty-One in the No Longer New Abnormal

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I was nervous.  I had agreed to participate in a Zoom panel which included reading from my pre-published book, In the Time of Coronavirus. but it’s been a long time since I’ve spoken to a group.  As I was practicing, reading the blog post a few times, I noticed my voice sounded like it was stuck in my throat.  I did not think that was a good thing.  

It’s allergy season.  I hadn’t grown up with allergies.  That role was my brother Joel’s realm.  He was racked with sniffling and sneezing in the spring with hay fever, pollen allergies and more.  As much as he loved little league, his nose itched on third base.  I wondered if he could even see the ball given his watery eyes.  He did well enough.  But it was not until now, in my mid-sixties, that I can appreciate what he’s gone through his entire life.  

Allergies are not pleasant.  And even less so when I want to read with authority.  But I needn’t have worried.  When I looked at the attendees, I noticed so many kind and supportive faces and names, both those I knew, and those who came for the other authors.  I settled in, allergies and all, and listened to the two other panelists, knowing it was better for me, and for them, that I stay focused with what they were reading rather than reside in my head worried about how I would do.  

In fact, the show of support helped me to feel grateful, which in turn buoyed me to simply read and not watch my own performance.  I’m not sure how I did, but the experience was extremely fulfilling.  It’s so easy to be grateful when in the presence of caring individuals.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • When you get your hands wet, rather than just washing them or drying them, feel the water, appreciate the wet sensation of touching water.  Let the sensation of having water move through your hands capture a new perception of being in the moment.  
  • Say Good night to yourself.  It’s a simple acknowledgment that your day has come to an end and it’s time to put yourself to sleep.  
  • Observe how you feel when in the presence of others.  If you feel confident, energized or at ease, you know you’re in good company. 

Happy May, Week Nineteen in the No Longer New Abnormal

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I enjoyed a long walk in Riverside Park this weekend.  It’s been a few years, while in the darkest days of the pandemic, that I had visited the park by the Hudson River.  Spring is gracing New York City with colorful blooms.  On our sunnier days smiles are exchanged as strangers pass one another.  

May has begun with a variety of weather fronts, one day I put away my winter wear only to take it off the top shelves the very next day.  Though I am perplexed as to what to wear, I have no confusion when it comes to taking in the flowers and trees whenever I enter a park.  I may be chilly, but I’m warmed by the bright colors on my walks.  

I also find that after a day walking I sleep better.  Always a gift for these tired bones.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • For sleep, open your mouth wide and release your lower jaw to let go of any tension held in your jaw.  Follow it up with a smile as you take a breath.  Letting go on the stress will help to ease into sleep
  • Another sleep tip is to imagine your mattress, bed, or any sleeping surface is caressing you.  Allow all your weight to be held by your bed, sinking into the surface for a more relaxing experience before sleep comes.  
  • And, if you are having a hard time falling asleep try reading something that has put you to sleep in the past.  It’s usually something you should be reading, rather than something you want to read.  You can even check out audiobooks to put you to sleep if listening is better than trying to read late at night.   

Letting Go, Week Eighteen in the No Longer New Abnormal

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When I was younger and I upset someone, I would replay the incident over and over again.  I found it intolerable that someone would be upset or angry with me.  It felt devastating.  I would apologize again and again, becoming a nuisance.   Sometimes people would be more upset with my groveling than they were with the original upset.  I couldn’t get it out of my mind.  It felt like anything I did that hurt others was unforgivable.  There was no fun to be had.  

As a new age devotee in my late teens to early thirties I had embraced the idea of letting things go.  But I didn’t know how to do that.  I couldn’t let discriminatory situations go.  I was beyond upset when I was judged unfairly.  And, as explained, I couldn’t let things go when someone was upset with me.  

In this time of polarization, and post-pandemic frustrations, we are seeing more and more people hold onto ideology that is not being played out on the world stage.  It’s easy to look at the dismay and think that they should just let go of their fury.    But that is easier said than done.  

How many times have we been told, “Just let it go?”  I think that usually tells us more about the person who is advocating for letting it go.  I have found that letting go is a process.  It is not something you can simply do at a moment’s notice.  Though that seems to be the desire of others.  We have not expanded our tolerance for differences, so it can play out that others tell us to let go so they can feel more comfortable.  

Let us have patience with ourselves and others.  Let’s work on soothing ourselves when we’re uncomfortable.  That can be essential in the letting go process.  When we aren’t fighting how we feel or how others feel, there is more space to let go.  Or, even better, there’s more acceptance of what is.  These are hard times.  Let’s see what we can gain from the discomfort rather than continually trying to shut ourselves and others down.  

Though I have no definitive answers, I do believe that self-compassion, compassion for others, as well as patience and kindness can be revolutionary acts in times of intolerance.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • When you are working on letting something go, ask yourself,  “What am I experiencing?”  Then see if you can care for yourself as you go through it.
  • When you are upset with someone else’s stance, ask yourself, “What am I feeling in response to their stance?”  Then see what you need to care for yourself while not disparaging them.  
  • Do one small thing you’ve been putting off.  Today I mended a torn glove.  It’s not quite as good as new, but it’s done, and I can let it go.  

San Miguel, Week Seventeen in the No Longer New Abnormal

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Having lived as long as I have, visiting friends and family sometimes means travel.  Following our amazing time in Mexico City we took a drive to the Teotihuacán Pyramids, which were magnificent.  It’s a pre-historic Mayan city.  To walk in the same steps as those who resided there thousands of years ago is a powerful experience.  From there we traveled on to San Miguel de Allende, a lovely small city with an artistic soul. 

It was there I enjoyed a reunion with Annie, a friend for almost forty years.  It had been decades wince we saw each other. What a joy to share our memories while catching up with life now.  She, like many expats, has made San Miguel her home.  

Year after year Travel and Leisure names San Miguel de Allende one of the best places to retire.  Though stunning, warm, and inviting, the cobblestones alone, not to mention the hilly landscape, are a deterrent as a retirement destination for me.  Even so, it is easy to see the happiness of so many retired individuals. 

While in San Miguel, thanks to Annie, we had a wonderful time sitting on porches and balconies, catching up while city life passed by.  She created an amazing trip for us.  We saw markets, architecture, historical churches, art galleries, resorts, and flora and fauna.  We were all exhausted with the wealth of activities.  The food and drinks were delicious, and laugher was our soundtrack.  

I am so grateful for my wonderful friends, near and far.  It makes for a rich life, indeed.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Reconnect with friends, especially those with whom you can laugh.  It’s always a joy when laughter is shared in our relationships. 
  • As the weather gets warmer, sit outside to people watch, read a book, or just enjoy the scenery.
  • Rub your hands together until the palms are warm, then place them on tired eyes, on your heart or belly.  It can be a self-soothing act.  

Mexico City, Week Sixteen in the No Longer New Abnormal

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Mexico City, Week Seventeen in the No Longer New Abnormal


Mexico City, what a vast and varied metropolis.  The weather is perfect, cool mornings and warm afternoons with the sun shining.  Though our time here is short, and I won’t have a chance to visit more than two museums, the Anthropology Museum and the Frida Kahlo house.  Two spectacular museums from very different eras.  I got lost in a large park yesterday enjoying the sculptures and the paths leading me out about a mile from my destination.  There’s something so fun about losing my way and finding new people and places to enjoy. 

 

 

 


The fruits and vegetables have been fresh and delicious. In fact most of the food here has been prepared with a love and pride of centuries of tradition.  Each neighborhood feels distinct, and each block can vary within any given neighborhood.  It is a spectacle for my eyes.


It also happens to be one of the most hospitable cities I’ve visited.  Going on vacation, especially when it’s been delayed, and being treated so well only adds to the specialness of this time away.  Though we still have much to see before we leave, I’m grateful to be here, so close to home yet worlds away. 




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Self-Care Tips:

  • If and when you get lost, try to look for something unexpected that can add a bright note as you find your way back to where you want to be.
  • Be adventurous.  You don’t have to go away to stretch yourself by trying something new, whether it’s a new spice or a different genre of music than you usually listen to.
  • Find the humor.  It seems so many are having a hard time of it these days.  Any small amount of levity can lift up our spirits.