Soup’s On, Week Fifty-One in the No Longer New Abnormal

It’s soup season.  A pot of lentil soup is simmering on the stove.  I plan to enjoy any number of soups throughout winter.  This batch of lentil soup is flavored with Moroccan spices. When I’m not able to get away it’s fun to tour the planet from my kitchen.  I’ll create an Italian tomato basil soup next week, and then a Thai chicken soup after that.  As a child soup was limited to Campbell’s, and later Progresso.  I liked them well enough, but the first time I had real Greek chicken and lemon soup, I knew the canned options were relegated to my past.  

Soup is also a wonderful metaphor for the fullness of our lives.  How much spice do we enjoy?  What is the base of your life’s soup?  I like variety so I tend to have a few pots on the stove.  I enjoy bold flavors, but once in a while I prefer a simple broth.  On those occasions, staying home or getting away to a quieter environment makes all the difference.  This week the soup was full of holiday cheer.  Norm Lewis is performing a holiday concert, which he deems a party, at 54 Below.  He knows how to bring true joy to every stage where he performs.  And the New York Pops just had their holiday concert at Carnegie Hall with Jessica Vosk, an amazing performer I only discovered this week.  I will be catching up on her unparalleled talent by listening to her albums while cooking my soups.  

This holiday season can easily bring many feelings some delightful, like when enjoying a concert of top talent. Or it can feel lonely, like when you are missing those we’ve lost to illness or circumstances beyond your control.  Think about what you need.  What do you put in your soup?  If you’re up for it, there may be volunteer opportunities that can be deeply gratifying.  Or gift yourself something from your closet.  Find a sweater you forgot you had.  Or, open up a jar of spice you rarely use for your own special soup.  Be thoughtful about what you need these next couple of weeks.  Comfort and joy can take many forms.  In the same way that soup is an ever-changing course.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Make soup.  Or enjoy soups that others make.  Warm yourself in this cold weather. 
  • In really cold weather, putting on a pair of latex medical gloves as liners below your gloves will keep your fingers extra toasty.  
  • Discover Jessica Vosk for yourself.  If you already knew of her, then revisit her dynamic talent.  Enjoy her holiday album.  Here’s a video to enjoy a taste:  https://www.instagram.com/p/DDz1GjbpUcg/

‘Tis the Season, Week Forty-Nine in the No Longer New Abnormal

It’s easy to hunker down now that the cold weather is here.  And there’s something to be said for hibernation mode.  But this week I was out and about taking in the holiday spirit, which is alive and well in New York City.  I love a good nap when the weather is chilly and the days are short.  And, yet, visiting Rockefeller Center and the holiday window displays later in the evening, when they’re less crowded is a joyful experience that really does bring cheer.  Sometimes we have to be intentional about seeking out positive experiences.  Yes, sometimes they come to us.  But mostly we need to create joy.  

In this season, it’s easy to look for and enjoy delightful experiences.  Maybe we listen to holiday songs.  Certainly, Mariah Carey gets her due in early winter.  Though one can’t deny her talent, I’m more inclined to listen to Samara Joy for a jazz-infused holiday listen.  Others I enjoy are Norm Lewis, Liz Calloway and her sister, Ann Hampton Calloway, and Megan Hilty.  Plus the Maccabeats and Klezmtics have wonderful Hannukah tunes.  Of course, YouTube is perfect for contemporary or historical holiday fare.  It’s nice to get a slice of joy just by watching Nat King Cole, or Peter, Paul and Mary.  

Of course, music and lights aren’t the only pleasures of this season.  The scents and flavors of the holidays bring their own pleasures.  Whether you light a candle with hints of nutmeg, or you enjoy latkes with apple sauce, there is so much joy we can create these cold weather days.  

Self-Care Tips:  

  • Enjoy something specific to this season that you enjoy whether it’s food, a drink like egg nog or coquito, a scent, a show like the Holiday Spectacular at Rockefeller Center with the Rockettes, or a drive to see the neighborhood lights, you can take in something that focuses on joy.
  • Rediscover something you love in your home.  We can take for granted what we already have.  But look up and revel in artwork on your walls again.  Or go to your closet and wear something that feels great. Find a frozen dish in your freezer that you forgot about but can enjoy this week.  It’s so much fun to appreciate we already have.  
  • Whatever your age, care for your inner child.  Be gentle if she/he/they need compassion.  Raise the volume if you yearn to play.  

Not Boring, Week Ten in the No Longer New Abnormal

As a psychotherapist I’ve noticed that so many people in and out of my office will say, “I know this is boring, but…”  Traditionally therapists don’t respond, we only listen.  I’m more interactive, so I respond to the statement that they think what they have to say is boring.  I’m curious.  I don’t find what they tell me boring. But I want to know how they see it themselves.  The subject matter is secondary to their perceptions and experiences of living their lives.  I am fascinated by that.  Luckily my profession affords me to privilege of hearing their insights and opinions regarding their lives.  

I can relate to the idea that what I have to say is boring.  In fact, week after week in writing this blog I tend to stress over what I’m writing, then subsequently judging myself and my writing.  I still write the piece figuring it may be boring for some and that’s the fate of putting something out there.  It is perhaps even more true now that I am getting ready to publish my first book, In the Time of Coronavirus, Looking at the Past for a Joyous Future.  It is a compilation of blog posts from the pandemic.  

I’ve always wanted to write a book.  And when a book I was working on about courage hit a wall, I decided to pivot and publish this book at the prodding of others.  I will return to the courage book, as finishing it will be an act of courage in its own right.  

In the meantime, I’m working on all the backroom details that have to get done to sell a book.  I don’t like it.  And, yes, I find it either stressful or boring, but necessary, nonetheless.  So, I take walks, go to the theater, work, and enjoy small moments of grace to insert joy throughout the process.  And when I’m stressed, I find solace in all that is boring.  Boring is a gift.  I used to think all things boring was a problem when I was younger.  No more.  In both my personal and professional lives, boring is anything but.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Enjoy a gratitude practice for anything you perceive as boring.  Be grateful that life is providing a break from the hard stuff. 
  • If you find something boring, tighten your focus and see if you can identify the small changes that take place.  When driving it could be the music you’re listening to or the changes in the clouds.  Focus on anything that shifts boredom to interest. 
  • Rather than simply listening to, reading or watching those who have the same opinions and world views, listen, watch or observe with curiosity something or someone who sees things differently.  Make sure to see if you can learn something rather than dismissing it right away.  

Parts of Ourselves, Week Seven in the No Longer New Abnormal

“Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent” Victor Hugo

Yesterday I was in sweats, my hair, stiff, frizzy, and dry while getting paperwork done in-between laundry loads.  Nothing glamorous about the day.  I was comfortable and perhaps a bit tired from a late night.  The late night was very unexpected.  I had a subscription to the New York Pops at Carnegie Hall.  It has turned out to be a marvelous series.  On Friday night I, along with a sold-out house, thoroughly enjoyed an evening of Gershwin music featuring the vocalist, Montego Glover and the pianist, Lee Musiker.  

I sat enthralled when Lee Musiker played the piano for a Rhapsody in Blue, newly interpreted for this performance.  Our seats gave us a perfect view of his hands dancing on the keyboard as he reinterpreted this classis piece.  It was magical.  I had seen him play before, and have always been impressed, but this was something beyond that.  

Much to my surprise a friend of a friend invited us backstage and then to a reception following the concert. Maestro Musiker’s sister had flown up from Florida to hear her brother perform, and I had just met her briefly at Carnegie Hall.   Everyone backstage and at the reception was warm and friendly. They were music lover after all.  

The two days, Friday and Saturday couldn’t have been more opposite.  On the one hand, on Friday night I was in the company of the best of the best in music, Steven Reineke, a charismatic and highly talented conductor, Montego Glover, a renowned vocalist, and the Grammy & Emmy  award winning pianist, Lee Musiker, who was beyond gracious.  Being an audience member of the exceptional concert was extraordinary.  Then to see the artists up close and in-person was incomparable.  

In contrast to Friday night, I woke up exhausted but content on Saturday.  I knew I had a lot on my plate for the weekend and I set out to do the chores that I neither welcomed nor relished but had to get done.  So, without fanfare, I dutifully took care of my chores while in my sweats basking in the memory of the previous evening.

Self-Care Tips:

  • When you’re faced with unwanted tasks, think of something you’re looking forward to that will get you through.  Or think of something you have previously enjoyed.  It makes the chore more tolerable.  
  • There are great recordings and videos of Gershwin classics online.  Give yourself a treat and listen to the music of an American Master.  Try:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cH2PH0auTUU
  • Enjoy the Puppy Bowl 2024 today on Animal Planet or Discovery.  

A Terrific Show, Week Six in the No Longer New Abnormal

“Don’t wait for people to tell you who you are.  Show them. “ 

Laura Benanti

I just came home from seeing Audible Theater’s production of Nobody Cares, written and performed by Laura Benanti.  She is a singular talent.  Before the show there were a bevy of celebrities in the audience including Patti Lupone, Sarah Bareiles, and Larry Owens.  They came to enjoy an evening featuring their colleague and friend.  

I laughed aloud when I wasn’t deeply moved by Laura Benanti’s honesty and vulnerability.  She mentions her therapist in the show, and I was honestly jealous that I’m not her therapist.  Although, perhaps, in that case, I wouldn’t have been at the theater for what turned out to be a delightful experience.  

There are only three performances before it’s mastered for Audible.  You can hear it as an Audible production.  And, though I enjoyed the visuals of the show, I will absolutely purchase the Audible version. No doubt I’ll get looks when I’m laughing aloud listening to the recorded version on one of my walks.  

While I was downtown there were long lines to get into the comedy club around the corner from the theater. The restaurants were packed, and the streets were full of visitors experiencing the Greenwich Village lifestyle, if only for a night.  

The city offers so much, and for tonight it was the incomparable Laura Benanti.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Go for a walk while the sun is out.  The days have been gloomy and it’s impacted our moods.  Take in all the vitamin D you can and notice the difference.  
  • Laugh.  Whether you look at New Yorker cartoons, watch silly videos, or turn on an old sitcom, there is nothing like laughter to break up the stress.  
  • Enjoy soup in this cold weather.  Make your own or buy one you like.  Warm soup can be so comforting. 

Live Music, The Seventh Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal

The power of music, particularly music that is performed with great love and skill can be transformative.  This past week I was fortunate enough to attend two live concerts, very different styles, but very similar intentions of sharing joy through their performances.  

The first performance, Wednesday night took place at The Cutting Room, a midtown concert hall with a storied history.  Felicia Collins, the lead guitarist and singer owned the stage.  I knew her through Larry.  She was guitarist and vocalist of the Paul Shaffer Band on The David Letterman Show.  She continues to play.  And we were fortunate enough to enjoy her concert celebrating the music of Sly and the Family Stone.  She resurrected the messages of inclusion and connectivity for which the band was well known.  Felicia and her amazingly talented band, ThrowDown, covered Sly and the Family Stone hits.  What a wonderful throwback.  Lessons still to be realized from the late 60s.  

Then on Thursday I was at the 92nd St Y.  An Upper Eastside institution, they have a concert hall, in which they host talks, special events and concerts.  I had the utter privilege of enjoying Kelli O’Hara sing the night away.  She was awesome.  And, as if from the heavens she sang with the extraordinary John Holiday.  The evening was transcendent. 

Both artists, Felicia and Kelli, are gifted.  But add to those gifts the years of disciplined practice and performance expanding their gifts from personal to generously shared on world stages.  They are two of the few, compared to the population at large, who work hard to make the very most of innate talent.  We are forever grateful.  

Between those two incredible performances we had the benefit of entering a taxi with a driver who was amazing.  He didn’t sing.  I never found out if he could.  But he was so polite and warm that his simple presence felt like an art.  

Whether there’s music made with love or conversation made of dignity, we all tap into our better selves when we are in the company of the best of humanity.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • If you’re able to attend a live concert of music that communicates love, joy, or connection, go.  It will uplift you.  If you are unable to see a live concert, try YouTube.  I suggest Judy Garland singing with Barbra Streisand, but feel free to choose what you like.  
  • When you encounter someone who is genuinely kind and caring, take a moment to appreciate how that impacts you.  If you’re able and willing, acknowledge them with a thank you.
  • Clean out your sock drawer.  Feel free to give away tight socks, throw out or reuse as dusters socks with holes, and see what socks you had forgotten but might like to wear again.  It’s easy, doesn’t take too long, and gives us a feeling of accomplishment.  

Awards, Week Thirteen in the New Normal

Though award shows don’t hold the same cache as they did in my childhood, this weekend is the Academy Awards.  Fraught with politics and self-promotion, the awards have lost some of their shimmer.  Yet, while growing up I wrote and rewrote my acceptance speeches.  It was my fantasy of ultimate success.  If I felt insignificant or hurt, my bright future would prove to the world I was somebody.  My bullies would see I was special.  That was my secret revenge.  

I can tell you that the bullies probably don’t remember me, even though that cruelty is etched in every child who was ever bullied.  Children who’ve been bullied often have a significant fantasy life.  Mine, like a cliché, was a girl singing show tunes into my brush handle in front of the mirror.  Thank goodness for my RCA portable record player.  It got me through some rough school years.  

Now, I’m ages away from those award-winning dreams.  But I do find something meaningful in rewarding ourselves for the wins in our lives.  And even if it’s not a public speech, acknowledging those who have been supportive are important to recognize, too.  We enjoy celebrations during our milestones, like graduations and special birthdays.  Perhaps we can find a way to receive an award when we go above and beyond, instituting courage to gain a win.  It can be small.  It’s simply a nod for our personal wins.  We can get stickers, or a new kitchen utensil.  Calling a friend and sharing in our happiness multiplies the joy.  It gives us a chance to say we matter.  And we do.  

If you choose to watch Wanda Sykes, Regina Hall and Amy Schumer host this year’s Oscars, have fun. Perhaps enjoying the show can be a reward in itself.  If I can stay up I will think of my younger self.  Though now I have little interest in a red carpet, I’m simply satisfied to watch from my living room chair.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Write a list of what you’ve accomplished, big and small, this week.  Draw a star or a symbol next to each to congratulate yourself for a job well-done.  
  • Create a thank you speech for those who have been good to you over the years.  If possible, send them the written speech so they can know they made a difference.  
  • Don’t forget to put on some music and do a happy dance.  If you want to do that in front of the mirror, go for it.