Tag Archives: #SelfcareSundays

‘Tis the Season, Week Forty-Nine in the No Longer New Abnormal

Posted on by
2

It’s easy to hunker down now that the cold weather is here.  And there’s something to be said for hibernation mode.  But this week I was out and about taking in the holiday spirit, which is alive and well in New York City.  I love a good nap when the weather is chilly and the days are short.  And, yet, visiting Rockefeller Center and the holiday window displays later in the evening, when they’re less crowded is a joyful experience that really does bring cheer.  Sometimes we have to be intentional about seeking out positive experiences.  Yes, sometimes they come to us.  But mostly we need to create joy.  

In this season, it’s easy to look for and enjoy delightful experiences.  Maybe we listen to holiday songs.  Certainly, Mariah Carey gets her due in early winter.  Though one can’t deny her talent, I’m more inclined to listen to Samara Joy for a jazz-infused holiday listen.  Others I enjoy are Norm Lewis, Liz Calloway and her sister, Ann Hampton Calloway, and Megan Hilty.  Plus the Maccabeats and Klezmtics have wonderful Hannukah tunes.  Of course, YouTube is perfect for contemporary or historical holiday fare.  It’s nice to get a slice of joy just by watching Nat King Cole, or Peter, Paul and Mary.  

Of course, music and lights aren’t the only pleasures of this season.  The scents and flavors of the holidays bring their own pleasures.  Whether you light a candle with hints of nutmeg, or you enjoy latkes with apple sauce, there is so much joy we can create these cold weather days.  

Self-Care Tips:  

  • Enjoy something specific to this season that you enjoy whether it’s food, a drink like egg nog or coquito, a scent, a show like the Holiday Spectacular at Rockefeller Center with the Rockettes, or a drive to see the neighborhood lights, you can take in something that focuses on joy.
  • Rediscover something you love in your home.  We can take for granted what we already have.  But look up and revel in artwork on your walls again.  Or go to your closet and wear something that feels great. Find a frozen dish in your freezer that you forgot about but can enjoy this week.  It’s so much fun to appreciate we already have.  
  • Whatever your age, care for your inner child.  Be gentle if she/he/they need compassion.  Raise the volume if you yearn to play.  

Holiday Season, Week Forty-Eight in the No Longer New Abnormal

Posted on by
Reply

Mixed emotions can easily create a holiday weekend potpourri  between the pressures of Thanksgiving and the demands of Black Friday.   Though expectations run high for a very Happy Thanksgiving and great savings on Black Friday, the truth is less grand and perhaps a bit messy.  I had the good fortune of enjoying a small Thanksgiving with a table of four at a local restaurant.  I was too tired to cook.  Being served was a small pleasure for which I was completely thankful. And sharing a meal with loved ones was a gift in and of itself.  That’s not to say that I don’t miss the larger family, but I was happy to do less.  Then came Black Friday.  My inbox, even before I woke up, was stuffed with advertisements for gifts, necessities, personal items and everything in-between.  I was flummoxed.  I felt pulled in every direction.  Do I take advantage of a daybed sale?  Or do I pick up small items for little gifts for those I appreciate and encounter in service jobs?  I was easily frazzled.  I spent much too much time online digging through the myriad of possibilities.  I felt stuck in a capitalistic loop of my own making.  

What is it about the big savings?  I don’t have to think hard about that.  My father was the culprit.  There wasn’t a sale he didn’t like.  We would drive around to Korvettes, Two Guys, Grants, and other low-priced stores.  His favorite savings places were liquidation warehouses.  We were able to get things we didn’t need, the sale itself being the real gift.  Often we were the recipients of things we didn’t want. But who could argue with the joy of my father’s tale of savings?  While he did teach me about being an informed consumer, I fight the urge to buy things I don’t need simply because it’s now 70% off.  For me Black Friday is less retail therapy than wholesale anxiety.  Tomorrow is Cyber Monday.  I hope I can maintain a sense of calm.  And then it’s giving Tuesday, which always feels like I’m leaving an important non-profit out to dry as I choose my usual suspects for donations.  

The desire to be able to give and receive seems endless.  The messaging appears to say, I must be grateful even when it’s a gift I don’t want.  I must be generous even when it’s out of my price range.  I must take advantage of a small window of discount opportunity.  I must be social, even when I’m exhausted and need to rest.  Too many “musts.”  It a challenge to feel as if we’re enough.  And when we don’t feel as if we’re enough because we’re feeling vulnerable, the “musts”  can feel crushing.  Perhaps we can lighten up, if possible.  Maybe we can reach out to let others know they matter.  Maybe we can do something kind for ourselves to let us know we matter.  And,maybe we can slow down so that the pressures of the season don’t push us down.  

Wishing you a healthy and peaceful season.  

Self-Care Tips:  

  • When buying gifts, or getting a bargain, put it in your cart, and let it sit there for a while before making the final purchase.  This way you can see if you really want it rather than making an impulse acquisition.  
  • Repeat the affirmation, “I am enough.”  That may be enough to confront all the messaging that suggests otherwise.  
  •  Give in small ways on Giving Tuesday and any other day.  Perhaps you can even find a new place to donate.  

MCNY, Week Forty-Seven in the No Longer New Abnormal

Posted on by
3

The Museum of the City of New York on 103rd and Fifth Avenue is an unsung museum.  I love making this destination walk.  Even when I’ve seen all the recent exhibits, the gift shop is terrific.  And, they have a lovely café on the second floor, too.  But the museum, their exhibits and events are really something special.  MCNY, as it is known, is large enough to see something different in each exhibit, but small enough that you could enjoy the entire museum, knowing you’ve taken in art, history and local lore.  

I went this past week for their annual gingerbread house contest.  Not only is it a display of ingenious edible architecture, but the aroma alone creates an enticing atmosphere.  But I ended up staying for every other display, except the dollhouse, which I’ve seen on previous visits.  The Deco New York show is as rich and glamorous as it sounds.  The city in the 20th century is a comprehensive walk through history.  And the half-floor dedicated to Shirley Chisholm is an appropriate homage to a true trailblazer.  

I may not get all my paperwork and cleaning done, but visiting museums, as well as going to live theater, dance, and music events, brings ongoing joy that support my work, my heart and my soul.  What could be better than that?  Okay, equal or better would be those I love, my family, friends, colleagues and clients who also bring great joy to my life.  

What brings you joy? 

Self-Care Tips:

  • Write a list of tasks before bedtime. Once they are on the page for the next day or for the next week, it takes up less room in your head, allowing for more restful slumber. 
  • We can never get enough of this dynamic duo singing about Happy Days/Getting Happy:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFVxX3RtyhQ perhaps now more than ever.  
  • Visit the Museum of the City of New York.  And, if you can’t get to the city, here is the website:  https://www.mcny.org

Best Non-Fiction of 2024, Week Fourty-Six in the No Longer New Abnormal

Posted on by
1

I was reading through my emails when I received a thoughtful text from a very kind person who sent me a picture of my book on the table of the Best Non-Fiction of 2024.  This was at the Barnes & Noble on the Upper Eastside of Manhattan.  How considerate it was to send me that picture.  And, how thrilled I was seeing my book in the photo.  It’s been challenging playing the promotion game, and I am not great at promoting my own interests.  Yes, I think the book would be helpful especially at this time.  I think it’s important to find the self-care tips during hardships whenever and wherever they show up.  And, thinking of what got us through past difficulties allows us to remember that we will get through this, too.  Those were a couple of reasons I wrote In the Time of Coronavirus.   I was so pleased when good reviews started to come in from those I didn’t know.  And, grateful for the couple of reviews from those who do know me, and still liked the book. 

It’s been easy these past weeks to focus on negative news.  And there’s plenty of it.  So I will take the joy where I find it.  Today it was looking at the text, and appreciating the kindness it took in sending it to me. It made my day.  And, though I am not comfortable doing promotions, I am challenging myself by sharing the picture here.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Brag a little.  Sometimes we need to advocate for ourselves by tooting our own horn.  I highly suggest this for shy or self-critical individuals.  It has meaning to state an accomplishment.  
  • Find what is funny.  We need laughter now more than ever.  I welcome suggestions.  I suggest Abbott Elementary, New Yorker cartoons, Wanda Sykes latest Netflix special. 
  • Practice active listening.  Rather than bring up a related topic based on a personal thought or experience, learn from what the other person is saying.  Listen for new information.  

Change is Inevitable, Week Forty-Four in the No Longer New Abnormal

Posted on by
2

If change is the only constant in life, why do we have such a hard time with it?  When two old friends died this past week I was grateful to have known them. Although my life will not change much since they were no longer regular presences in my current life, their kindness, compassion and humor have stayed with me since we met in the 80’s.  However, their close family and friends now will feel the change in their lives profoundly, as do we all when death comes to those we love.  

On another note, over 50,000 people are running in the New York City marathon today.  For many this is their first marathon and if they’re able to cross the finish line they will be marathoners.  That will change how they know themselves today and going forward.   If, they are unable to cross because of injury or for other reasons, their expectations will probably feel like a loss, and they will feel changed in ways very different from their fellow runners.    

Even the mundane changes of everyday life have an impact.  Our vacuum cleaner broke.  How and why remain a mystery. But finding one that will hold up to our needs, while staying within a budget, then learning how to use it properly, take away from much needed rest this weekend.  While I can derive a sense of mild accomplishment by using the new vacuum, I prefer not to have to deal with the regular failings of products and services.  

And as a nation, we are facing a huge change.  We’re about to have a new president.  That is a change that will make a lot happy and others scared, sad or angry.  What will it mean?  How do we handle it?  Change in our lives won’t end.  Some changes are welcome, while others upset us, or at worst, hurt us.  My hope is that we learn and grow from change. Let’s rise to the challenge to be our better selves.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • When faced with a disappointing change, acknowledge the upset, and when the time is right, see what is needed to accommodate the change.  Balance caring for yourself and taking steps to live with the new circumstances. 
  • Purposely take one action that will create a change you want.  Open a savings account and deposit a small amount for an intended goal.  Or run one block to start a new habit.  One small step can make a big difference.  
  • Find the humor.  Bringing levity to stressful times is imperative for anxious times.  

Unloading, Week Forty-Two in the No Longer New Abnormal

Posted on by
1

I have too much stuff.  I just spent hours going through drawers and closets to clean out what I don’t want anymore and what I don’t need.  Though I’m happy I did that and now I can bring bags to the thrift store, and bags to the trash, I am still left with too much stuff.  Some things like outdated membership cards were easy to throw out.  Vitamins and minerals I rarely take, office supplies I may need at some unknown point in time, and other sundry items make it harder for me to determine their usefulness.  When I was younger and lived alone, the small apartment size made it easy to throw things out.  I simply didn’t have the space.  Though I am so grateful for all the storage space in our present apartment, I find that clutter accumulates in the recesses of those closets.  

Now my satisfaction of cleaning out my home office is tempered by how much I still have to get done.   This is the push me, pull me factor of much of life.  I do my laundry and a week later I do it again.  I go for a beautiful walk on a Tuesday and it’s time for another walk on Wednesday.  The more I reside in the mindset of what’s next, the more I lose the simple gratification of being in the moment accomplishing my set goal.  In theory, we should all live in the moment and be where we are.  But we are human, and our brains cannot be set to one mindfulness station.  So while I go back and forth reminding myself what has to get done, and feeling good about what I’ve already done, I can laugh at how easy it is for me to go from a mindful moment to a critical one and then back again.  Whether we’re cleaning out our space, meditating, walking, getting our laundry done, or doing all the things that make up our lives, we can notice when we are kind to ourselves, and when we slip into being hard on ourselves, practicing mindfulness moment to moment.  In some ways it’s like cleaning our closets, letting go of the thinking we no longer need, making space for more positive reinforcements.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Go through old business cards, membership cards or reward cars and throw out anything outdated or no longer relevant.  
  •  
  • If you tend to move ahead to what’s next, see if you can refocus to what you’re presently doing or where you are, and see if you can focus on something in the present moment.  It may surprise you how it releases stress. 
  • Take note of any pleasure derived from what you accomplish.  Adding moments of positivity builds our self-esteem.  

Happy/Sad, Week Forty-Two in the No Longer new Abnormal

Posted on by
4

Have you ever done something that makes you so happy you can feel the sadness below the surface?  That is exactly what I’m experiencing now.  I went for a run.  The weather is beautiful in New York City.  Perfect for a run.  The sun was tucked under the clouds so that I could see a gleam, but I didn’t have to shade my eyes.  East End Avenue, right by the water, was free of traffic so that I could soften my steps with Asphalt rather than pounding the concrete pavement.  I was happy to get out after too long a break from running.  I didn’t overdo it.  I went as far as I could while respecting my limitations.  All was good.  Yet, while I felt gratitude and joy, I also felt heavy hearted.  There is much in the world that saddens me.  I see no easy fixes.  And, too many are struggling and even suffering due to dehumanizing beliefs, powerful weather forces, war, bullying, and judgement with righteousness.  Need I go on?  

It is hard to know what organizations get money, supplies and direct help to those in need.  I’m not always sure what to say to my friends and family who are in pain or dealing with health issues.  Or how do I tell my friends who have been hit by hurricanes, flooding and tornadoes that I’m thinking of them when, at the moment, our area hasn’t been hit by powerful forces?  How do I stay compassionate when so many are angry, and rightfully so?  Since I’m not certain what to do, I will send love.  My imperfect offer to those struggling.  Yet I still feel so much sadness.  I also feel the joy of connecting to others, of connecting with you.  Let us all find ways to bring love, care, support, and resources where and to whom we can.  

Self-Care Tips: 

  • Allow yourself to feel mixed emotions.  It’s a richer experience than controlling hard feelings. 
  • Offer thoughts and/or support where you can.  It can be for those you know or those who you know need immediate help.  
  • Exercise your ability to listen. Rather than sharing your own experiences, ask someone how they are and simply listen as they speak.   

Fourth Quarter, Week Forty in the No Longer new Abnormal

Posted on by
3

We are entering the last quarter of 2024.  I feel like I’m rushing to accomplish what I had intended this year.  Some things take longer than others.  I had hoped I would have been able to promote my book more, but I had so much to learn.  And some of the promotion is not for me.  Given it isn’t what I had imagined, it’s important that I am grateful for what I could do.  I am grateful for all those who supported me and the book.  And, I am grateful for the lessons I’ve learned thus far, like the fact that I prefer smaller discussions to larger presentations.  And that I don’t enjoy marketing, nor have I ever enjoyed it.  Sharing something freely and needing to sell something are very different.  

I was in sales for a number of years in my teens and early twenties.  I started by working the cash register at my father’s shoe store.  I learned quickly that the description of a job and the job itself weren’t one in the same.  Being a cashier also meant vacuuming, stocking shoes, running lunch orders, and doing inventory.  I stayed in sales at local department stores, and when I came to New York City in 1981, I worked at Bloomingdales.  It was a glamorous store where I got to see many celebrities, imaging that this tentative connection had deep meaning for my hopes to be an actress.  I did love being there, though I was not so fond of the low pay.  But being in Manhattan and close to the theater district were enthralling.  It didn’t feel like sales, but more like sharing new discoveries.  

In the 80s, Bloomingdales was a hub of activity.  Andy Warhol walking through the store with his entourage was a regular occurrence.  Meeting Liza Minelli who was shopping with her sister, Lorna Luft, was not.  Waiting on Donald Sutherland was another highlight, finding his gentle demeanor as disarming in person as on the big screen.  I also loved the special international features and displays throughout the store that promoted fashion, art, films, food, and history from whatever country was being showcased.  So when I was passing through Bloomingdales yesterday it was nice to see that they were experiencing a renaissance.  Italy was having its moment at the flagship store.  I waxed nostalgic remembering the energy of those earlier years.  Glad to see the store, at least for this moment, has gone back to its roots.  

Now while I look back on the many fortunate experiences I’ve enjoyed, I will go into the last quarter of this year to create new memories.  I’ll enjoy seeing actors on stage exercising their craft rather than shopping on their time off.  I will slowly promote my book on my terms.  And, I will appreciate working as a psychotherapist with amazing individuals, rather than as a salesperson seeing others for brief encounters.  

Self-Care Tips:  

  • Review what you’ve accomplished or learned so far this year, while thinking of what you may plan for the next three months.  
  • Slow down when possible.  It allows us to enjoy the moment even while moving forward.  
  • Remember that joy comes from feeling your feelings no matter how hard that can be.  Joy is not denying hard feelings and topping them with forced happiness.  

Traveling, Week Thirty-Two in the No Longer New Abnormal

Posted on by
1

This weekend I walked in the steaming heat enjoying Summer Streets while traversing Park Avenue without cars.  I will miss the next two Saturdays, so it was a pleasant reprieve to have more than enough room while walking among pedestrians, runners, and cyclists.  I am going away.  Initially I packed for a hot summer, but according to the lower temperatures in Dublin I was ill prepared.  Following my lovely and tiring walk, I  unpacked and repacked for a ten-day trip to Ireland.  Instead of tank tops and sandals I’m bringing sweaters and socks.  

I am very excited.  Reading Edna O’Brian and Roddy Doyle, starting in high school, have instilled in me a love of Ireland, though I’ve never step foot on the Island.  It was my college friend, Shawn Wilson’s idea.  We had been trying to get together for years.  We both have busy professional lives with very different schedules.  Shawn threw out the idea and the trip was planned within a day.  Not only did we agree on the one week that was good for both of us, but she found an amazing local tour that appealed to both of us.  Since I am usually the planner in my family, it was an extra luxury to have my friend take care of the details.  

We’ll meet up in Dublin and go from there, probably taking too many pictures.  In the meantime, I have a few off-the-beaten-path pictures of New York City, pre-vacation.  

Self-Care Tips:  

  • Hugs.  If you know a good hugger exchange a great hug.  If you are on your own, wrap your arms around yourself for a self-loving embrace.  
  • Seek out something unusual for you.  Read an article from another point of view.  Look up an unfamiliar country and find out about its culture, foods, landscape and customs.
  • Enjoy in-season fruits and vegetables.  The peaches are divine.  The strawberries and blueberries are at their peak.  And summer squash is sweet and versatile.  

An Anniversary, Week Twenty-Seven in the No Longer New Abnormal

Posted on by
2

It’s something of an irony that my and my husband’s 27th wedding anniversary is on the 27th week of this year.  I like coincidences like that.  When the stars align, I feel good all over.  Twenty-Seven years is probably the longest commitment to anything I’ve done in my life.  I like variety, so in the past I could do something for a while and then I’d move on.  I took a very different tactic for our marriage.  While Larry is someone who likes routines and enjoys what he knows, I like to try new things, preferring to being adventurous rather than staying in place.  Though we were a bit older than our contemporaries when we got married, I was 38 to Larry’s 45, we had a lot to learn about relationships, particularly long-term relationships.  

Since our respective backgrounds varied a bit, we each brought a bit of balance.  I learned to enjoy the here and now more, while Larry learned to enjoy exploring.  I expanded my love of rock & roll, bluegrass and country music.  And Larry learned to enjoy solo performers and some Broadway & off-Broadway musicals.  I learned to appreciate food on the road, while Larry eats more salads now.  The list goes on, but you get the point.  There’s give and take.  

And, because life isn’t fair, we’ve had our share of hardships.  We’ve weathered storms we weren’t sure we’d get through.  And, we’ve experienced unexpected joy, which has encouraged us to keep going.  So here we are in the 27th week of 2024, celebrating 27 years of marriage, and all that goes with it.  I’m proud of our stick-to-itedness.  It hasn’t always been easy, but it has been rewarding.  And for that I am eternally grateful.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • When we are spending time with someone who is very different than us, be curious.  See if their interests can help us to grow in any way.  
  • Celebrate pride.  Or, as an ally of LGBTQ+, show  support for all those who haven’t always had a chance to live openly proud.  
  • Hum.  Humming can be a mood lifter.