This Tuesday I become a published author with In the Time of Coronavirus, Reflecting on the Past to Embrace a Joyful Future. To that end I am doing everything I know to do to promote this book, working to get it into stores, sites and libraries and into readers’ hands. It is a daunting task. I am overwhelmed, yet very excited.
I am grateful to all of you who pre-ordered the book. Not only does your support mean the world to me, but it also provides a small foothold into the publishing world. Any reviews to Goodreads, Amazon, Barnes and Noble or other review outlets would be greatly appreciated. I am not comfortable asking for your support, and yet, I am willing to step out of my comfort zone to say please and thank you.
I am hopeful that the book will provide some support for its readers. Given today and days ahead with much to accomplish, I am writing a short blog. Wishing you a lovely weekend, and again, thank you.
Self-Care Tips:
Take one small step towards a goal you desire. We often think we have to accomplish so much, but each small step moves us closer to our goals. Put one dollar away towards a major purchase. Clean one small surface even if you have an entire home to clean, etc.
Contact someone from your past to let them know what a difference they made in your life. We often don’t let people know and then regret not saying something when it’s too late.
Make a mental note or write it down if you like of at least one thing off the top of your head for which you’re grateful. As for me, I am so grateful you’re reading this.
In thinking about what to write this week I wondered if I should write about Mother’s Day. But I decided that rather than writing more on the day that brings up so much for so many, I’ll limit my input by briefly folding it into the self-care tips, Then there have been amazing pictures online of the rare Aurelia Borealis. Though I didn’t witness it myself, those who captured the colorful wonder have posted images that defy words. What I’ve settled on is to say that when I reread my book a couple of months ago, In the Time of Coronavirus, for the last look before submitting it for publication, I became very uset. I thought, “Who do I think I am?’ and “what could I have been thinking?” and, “This is bad. I’m so embarrassed!” I have a long history of berating myself. At that moment I questioned my writing, and my hubris for thinking I could put a book out into the world.
I very down on myself. But I had gotten so far and I decided to give the final go-ahead, knowing I’d have to with all my feelings. It had been a dream of mine to be an author, and it was okay if this was my first, if flawed, book. I had learned a lot and I still have a lot to learn, so this would be a dream come true, even if there were things that upset me.
Once it was in pre-publication, the publishing date is June 4th, a few early reviews came in. They were very positive. The reviewers didn’t know me, nor did they have any incentive to write nice things about the book. Once I read a couple, I realized how hard I had been on myself, and, in turn, the book. Maybe I was simply wrong. Or I had unreasonable expectations. Not a rare trait. Just ask my family. I am grateful that others have been able to appreciate what I couldn’t. Though I know it’s probable that there will be mixed reviews, depending on the reader, it’s nice to know it will find its audience, and that is just fine.
Here are a few quotes from the reviews:
From Kirkus:
“Zinn writes in an unadorned style that feels both accessible and intimate. She discusses her subjects with gentle authority while making no claims to having all the answers.”
And:
“A pandemic remembrance that succeeds as both memoir and self-help guide.”
From the Book Commentary:
“In her poignant collection of reflections and self-care strategies, In the Time of Coronavirus, Janet Zinn examines the tumultuous landscape of the pandemic with grace and wisdom.”
And:
“This book might be about coping with the COVID-19 pandemic, but its wisdom is timeless, a message to accompany and inspire readers through any difficult moment.”
From The Feathered Quill:
“With its intimacy centering on Zinn’s experiences and its universality deftly depicted to reach the hearts and minds of others, her book is sure to fulfill the purpose she envisioned.”
And:
“ Janet Zinn’s self-help manual, In the Time of Coronavirus, offers an empathic, week-by-week view of the effects of coronavirus restrictions that will be read and appreciated by anyone seeking to solve a large variety of life’s problems.”
Though I was harsh with no clear perspective, I am open to the fact that my opinion in that dark place was purely subjective. I’m hopeful that other readers will find In the Time of Coronavirus useful and supportive when life’s difficulties emerge. In the end, my first book served its author when I was being too tough on myself.
Self-Care Tips:
Do what you can to reparent yourself. If your mother or caregiver was kind and accepting, you can replicate that care towards yourself. If your primary caregiver or parent was not someone who matched your needs, then find a way to be compassionate towards yourself for what you didn’t receive but can now give to yourself.
Another way to reparent yourself is to notice when you are being critical of yourself and ask “what can I do to be more accepting of what I’m going through?” And, “can I give myself something that might support me through this?”
Gift yourself a future copy of In the Time of Coronavirus. You can go to https://janetzinn.com or go to Amazon, Barnes and Noble, request it from your local library, or from an independent bookstore or book seller.
I enjoyed a long walk in Riverside Park this weekend. It’s been a few years, while in the darkest days of the pandemic, that I had visited the park by the Hudson River. Spring is gracing New York City with colorful blooms. On our sunnier days smiles are exchanged as strangers pass one another.
May has begun with a variety of weather fronts, one day I put away my winter wear only to take it off the top shelves the very next day. Though I am perplexed as to what to wear, I have no confusion when it comes to taking in the flowers and trees whenever I enter a park. I may be chilly, but I’m warmed by the bright colors on my walks.
I also find that after a day walking I sleep better. Always a gift for these tired bones.
Self-Care Tips:
For sleep, open your mouth wide and release your lower jaw to let go of any tension held in your jaw. Follow it up with a smile as you take a breath. Letting go on the stress will help to ease into sleep
Another sleep tip is to imagine your mattress, bed, or any sleeping surface is caressing you. Allow all your weight to be held by your bed, sinking into the surface for a more relaxing experience before sleep comes.
And, if you are having a hard time falling asleep try reading something that has put you to sleep in the past. It’s usually something you should be reading, rather than something you want to read. You can even check out audiobooks to put you to sleep if listening is better than trying to read late at night.
“Almost everything will work if you unplug it for a few minutes….including you.” -Anne Lamott-”
There are some days that I just don’t want to do anything. And if I have to do something it can feel particularly labored. I woke up this morning with a strong case of I don’t wanna. I was still tired, though I received eight hours of sleep. I was achy even though I’m stretching more given the needs of being in my mid-60s. I was able to get away last weekend, though it now feels like it was weeks ago.
The issue for me is that there is a lot to get done. The challenge is to break it down into what has to get done today as opposed to what I can do another time. When I feel like this I try to listen. I assume it means I need a break. And to get that break, I am choosing to do less today.
With that in mind, I will share more pictures taken earlier this week, and I will write less now.
Self-Care Tips:
When you have the belabored feeling that “it’s all too much,” see if you can take a short break. When we’re feeling overwhelmed, a break can feel counterintuitive, but in actuality it can allow you to move forward with a new willingness.
Don’t underestimate the power of small steps forward. Our minds often think in “all or nothing” ways rather than taking little actions that can create lasting changes.
Enjoy the solar eclipse with safe eyewear wherever you are in its path.
It was a quiet day. Not the reading a book while sipping tea on a rainy-day type of quiet. It was quiet because I wasn’t plugged into a device. The TV was not on. The quiet came from not connecting my phone to my earbuds to listen to a book, a podcast or music. It’s even quiet now as I’m writing this. Lucy, who is asleep next to me isn’t even snoring. She must be enjoying the quiet, too.
It’s rare that I’m not listening or talking when walking. While walking in the rain there were few pedestrians, keeping the sound low even on city streets. Since my days are full of sounds, both cacophonous and melodic, I took note when I realized I had not continued listening to my book. Currently it’s the bold, beautiful Lessons for Survival, written and read by Emily Raboteau. She cares so deeply about our planet and our neglected populations, and her passion is contagious. Nor had I chosen between the two albums I’ve been enjoying, Natalie Douglas’s new “Back to the Garden,” as well as Rhiannon Giddens most recent “You’re the One.” I went to both concerts and listening to their most recent music with their gorgeous voices has been joyful.
Nonetheless, it was not the day for that. I think I needed the quiet. There was a peacefulness in the quiet. A rare experience of peace with so much going on in the world that is anything but peaceful. In the city, as vibrant as it is, would rarely be describe as peaceful or quiet. I think that is what made it so special. Sometimes an unplanned divergence from our routines can be a very special gift.
Self-Care Tips:
Switch up your routine. You may find reading or viewing something different teaches you something you didn’t know about yourself or others.
If you prefer the quiet, listen to music to open up new neuropathways. If you are usually listening to something or have the TV on in the background, turn them off to experience something different. Notice what you feel in the quiet.
Get to know the music of Rhiannon Giddens. It’s so varied. Or listen to the award-winning Natalie Douglas. Her voice is golden. Both have a range of styles.
This past week I heard of the death of two people from my past. I heard from three people presently who are ill, and we are all hearing about too many in our world who are in pain, who are suffering, or who have experienced significant losses. Life is precious.
I had a very full week. I laughed, I cried, I stayed in to rest and reflect, I went out to celebrate. I enjoyed wonderful music, good art, delicious food, and good friends, all while missing others who I didn’t get to see, and the few I’ll never see again. There is no right way to live in the presence of sorrow, whether personal or global. We all must find our own way. Yet, we can bring care and respect while navigating our challenges.
I choose to live fully. I tend to rest only after I have nothing left. Others do better to dig into less energetic pursuits. Let’s remember that we are all doing our best. When I can, I try to take into account that there is no ill intent on the part of others. They, too, are weighed down by life’s difficulties. When possible, I try to have grace for others. Though when I don’t then I try to have some grace for myself. My hope is that we will do our best to bring care to each moment and to all we encounter. When life is tough, when the world is hard, care can be a revolutionary act.
Self-Care Tips:
Give yourself grace when you’re not your best. It’s not a pass to behave poorly, but a way of proving kindness to yourself as you learn and grow.
If something doesn’t turn out the way you want, see if you can find a takeaway. Did you learn something? Was there an unexpected gift in it? If so, take that in. It may not make up for what happened, but you can still gain something from something that didn’t go as planned.
Put on some music and sing along with your favorite music. Get the lyrics online to make it easier. It’s a stress buster to do a sing-along.
We can be shiny and perfect and admired, or we can be real and honest and vulnerable and loved. But we actually do have to choose. Glennon Doyle Melton
I listen to Glennon’s podcast, “We Can Do Hard Things.” On one of her podcasts she said that she used to worry that no one was listening to her. Her audiences were small, her readership small. But then she started seeing and hearing the few who were listening. She realized that each person was important, not the number itself. It was so meaningful to hear that. I have taken it to heart.
A couple of years ago I had an idea for a book on courage. I worked on it assiduously, but it needed more rewrites. I took a break. The first thing I was told while writing the first draft was to build a platform. I was told if publishing companies would take me on as an unknown author they needed a large following from me. I tried to expand my readership as a blogger. I put out a few failed TikTok videos. I posted to most social media platforms. I was pushing too hard and not sufficiently expanding at my slow pace.
I’m no salesperson. Being an “influencer” requires a certain amount of salesmanship. It’s a specific skill set that I lack. In high school I tried sales, but it cost me more in gas than I ever made in earnings. Now, even though I’m supposed to be building a platform, I, instead, am finding out more about my readers. You matter. I am so grateful for your likes, your comments, your writings, posts and shares. I truly believe individuality outweighs crowds.
I am no longer upset, as I was when I was younger, when a party was small. I sadly focused on those who didn’t come rather than the caring souls who attended. That was a function of insecurity. It took a long time for me to appreciate those who show up. I can deal with small numbers of likes. I can look at the list and appreciate each person who has generously given of his/her/their time and consideration. My self-worth, our self-worth, is not how many people we connect with, but the quality of any and all connections.
I don’t know how many books of my pandemic era blog posts I’ll sell. I went with a hybrid press, Atmosphere Press, so I didn’t have to fully rely on my lack of sales acumen. They’d like me to sell a lot books, but it’s not a dealbreaker. Instead, I can continue to value the individual over the many.
I thank you for reading this, for being a part of my life, albeit, online, yet meaningful, nonetheless. You have truly helped.
Self-Care Tips:
* When you find that things didn’t turn out the way you expected, see if you can find the small gem in the new circumstances. It may not compensate for what you had hoped for, but it can give you something you didn’t know you needed.
* Think small. We often get overtaken by big numbers, big experiences. When we can be in the moment, we feel alive in a very special way.
* We live in a time of feeling overwhelmed. We can mitigate that by acknowledging what we have accomplished rather than focusing on what we think we have to get done.
As a psychotherapist I’ve noticed that so many people in and out of my office will say, “I know this is boring, but…” Traditionally therapists don’t respond, we only listen. I’m more interactive, so I respond to the statement that they think what they have to say is boring. I’m curious. I don’t find what they tell me boring. But I want to know how they see it themselves. The subject matter is secondary to their perceptions and experiences of living their lives. I am fascinated by that. Luckily my profession affords me to privilege of hearing their insights and opinions regarding their lives.
I can relate to the idea that what I have to say is boring. In fact, week after week in writing this blog I tend to stress over what I’m writing, then subsequently judging myself and my writing. I still write the piece figuring it may be boring for some and that’s the fate of putting something out there. It is perhaps even more true now that I am getting ready to publish my first book, In the Time of Coronavirus, Looking at the Past for a Joyous Future. It is a compilation of blog posts from the pandemic.
I’ve always wanted to write a book. And when a book I was working on about courage hit a wall, I decided to pivot and publish this book at the prodding of others. I will return to the courage book, as finishing it will be an act of courage in its own right.
In the meantime, I’m working on all the backroom details that have to get done to sell a book. I don’t like it. And, yes, I find it either stressful or boring, but necessary, nonetheless. So, I take walks, go to the theater, work, and enjoy small moments of grace to insert joy throughout the process. And when I’m stressed, I find solace in all that is boring. Boring is a gift. I used to think all things boring was a problem when I was younger. No more. In both my personal and professional lives, boring is anything but.
Self-Care Tips:
Enjoy a gratitude practice for anything you perceive as boring. Be grateful that life is providing a break from the hard stuff.
If you find something boring, tighten your focus and see if you can identify the small changes that take place. When driving it could be the music you’re listening to or the changes in the clouds. Focus on anything that shifts boredom to interest.
Rather than simply listening to, reading or watching those who have the same opinions and world views, listen, watch or observe with curiosity something or someone who sees things differently. Make sure to see if you can learn something rather than dismissing it right away.
“Salad can get a bad rap. People think of bland and watery iceberg lettuce, but in fact, salads are an art form.” – Marcus Samuelsson
I made miso dressing this past week. It turned out well. I tweaked the recipe so that it had a slight sweetness to balance the umami tones. Before that it was buttermilk dressing. Growing up we had a fresh salad every night. And my mother was a stickler for homemade dressing. She favored vinaigrettes when I got older, but before that we enjoyed homemade Russian dressing, Thousand Island Dressing, Italian, and Roquefort. There was a distinct difference between her dressings and the bottled versions of Wishbone and Kraft.
The same was true of baked goods. Though my mother was a health advocate, adding up to ten vegetables in our salads, when guests were visiting or a birthday was upon us, she baked from scratch. I could tell immediately when a boxed mix was served because, once again, there was a noticeable discrepancy between completely homemade and Betty Crocker. Because our mother also taught us manners, though I was disappointed when bottled salad dressing or boxed cake was served, I simply say, “Thank you,” rather than explain the virtues of flavor from the real thing.
In short, my mother created a food snob. Now, making my own salad dressing, unless I’m simply having olive oil and vinegar, is a fact of life. I like having two on hand depending on my mood that day. And, though, like my mom, I throw in a lot of ingredients in my salad, I’ve tweaked my preferences, opting for cooked mushrooms over raw, and possibly finely-chopped, leftover roasted vegetables instead of all crunchy toppers. I Like my mother I also add fruit to my salads. Recently it’s been figs. Though in the winter, clementines are a favorite. I am so grateful to my mom that she taught me to enjoy the creative process of good salad making, and the pure enjoyment of a delicious salad dressed with homemade ingredients.
Self-Care Tips:
Get creative with your salads. In the winter see if you can add heartier ingredients like grains or winter squash. And, if you can, create a simple homemade dressing, giving yourself a special treat.
Try a balancing exercise. It’s great to practice balance. Even if you lift up a foot and stand on one leg, then the other, for a few seconds, it will help your brain as well as your balance.
Simply say thank you if someone shares something with you, even if you don’t particularly like it. It’s kinder than sharing your disapproval.
There’s nothing like a flower show in the middle of a cold winter to warm our souls. That was my thinking as I embarked on the member preview of the Orchid Show at the New York Botanical Garden in the Bronx. My plan was to get there early so I could get in and out and home for work. I walked in the chilly weather to the subway where I got on the number 5 subway to Bedford Avenue. However, it was the number 4 train that I needed, so I had to reroute, getting off at the Grand Concourse and then settling in for a 45-minute ride to the Garden via the Bx 19 bus. This was an hour detour in total, getting me to the Garden with the throngs of people who also wanted to enjoy the tropical flowers.
I made the decision to return via Metro North getting off at 42nd Street, but first I had to winnow my way through unwieldy Instagram photographers and flower gawkers. Even when I politely said excuse me, as I wanted to get away from the heavily-clothed crowd and make my train back to the city, I was greeted by annoying responses. They were irritated that I’d want to pass them, and had something to say to me.
There were a few narrow openings, and I made my way past the hot house , thus able to escape in time for my train back to the city. As gorgeous as the flowers are, I will return on an early weekday when there is less of a rush, and I can quietly enjoy the annual oasis.
There was a time I would have been so hard on myself for getting on the wrong train, dealing with the crowds, and generally making mistakes. I would have been judgmental of the cantankerous flower gawkers. I still have my moments, but I was not hard on myself. Nor was I angry with the unwanted commentary. I simply learned for the next time. And I enjoyed my bus ride, getting to see parts of the city I don’t normally see. Age, mediation, and therapy have all been helpful in being kinder to myself and more accepting of others. Though I spent less time with the flowers than I had planned, I received other unexpected gifts.
Self-Care Tips:
Bring a flower home or go out to see flowers where you can. Photos can also do the trick. As we get through the rest of this winter, flowers do brighten the darker days. Trader Joes has terrific prices on flowers. You can gift or get amaryllis bulbs in wax online. Like at Tulip World.
Do a kindness mediation. Sharon Salzberg has wonderful Loving Kindness mediations. 10% Happier also has a terrific selection of kindness meditations. Or find one online.
Attend to your feet. Sometimes a nice body or foot cream massaged into your feet can be a simple, caring act.
janetzinn 