Category Archives: sleep

Happy May, Week Nineteen in the No Longer New Abnormal

Posted on by
2

I enjoyed a long walk in Riverside Park this weekend.  It’s been a few years, while in the darkest days of the pandemic, that I had visited the park by the Hudson River.  Spring is gracing New York City with colorful blooms.  On our sunnier days smiles are exchanged as strangers pass one another.  

May has begun with a variety of weather fronts, one day I put away my winter wear only to take it off the top shelves the very next day.  Though I am perplexed as to what to wear, I have no confusion when it comes to taking in the flowers and trees whenever I enter a park.  I may be chilly, but I’m warmed by the bright colors on my walks.  

I also find that after a day walking I sleep better.  Always a gift for these tired bones.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • For sleep, open your mouth wide and release your lower jaw to let go of any tension held in your jaw.  Follow it up with a smile as you take a breath.  Letting go on the stress will help to ease into sleep
  • Another sleep tip is to imagine your mattress, bed, or any sleeping surface is caressing you.  Allow all your weight to be held by your bed, sinking into the surface for a more relaxing experience before sleep comes.  
  • And, if you are having a hard time falling asleep try reading something that has put you to sleep in the past.  It’s usually something you should be reading, rather than something you want to read.  You can even check out audiobooks to put you to sleep if listening is better than trying to read late at night.   

I Don’t Wanna! Week Fifteen in the No Longer new Abnormal

Posted on by
2

“Almost everything will work if you unplug it for a few minutes….including you.”  -Anne Lamott-”  

There are some days that I just don’t want to do anything.  And if I have to do something it can feel particularly labored.  I woke up this morning with a strong case of I don’t wanna.  I was still tired, though I received eight hours of sleep.  I was achy even though I’m stretching more given the needs of being in my mid-60s.  I was able to get away last weekend, though it now feels like it was weeks ago.  

The issue for me is that there is a lot to get done.  The challenge is to break it down into what has to get done today as opposed to what I can do another time.     When I feel like this I try to listen.  I assume it means I need a break.  And to get that break, I am choosing to do less today.  

With that in mind, I will share more pictures taken earlier this week, and I will write less now.  

Self-Care Tips:  

  • When you have the belabored feeling that “it’s all too much,” see if you can take a short break.  When we’re feeling overwhelmed, a break can feel counterintuitive, but in actuality it can allow you to move forward with a new willingness.
  • Don’t underestimate the power of small steps forward.  Our minds often think in “all or nothing” ways rather than taking little actions that can create lasting changes.  
  • Enjoy the solar eclipse with safe eyewear wherever you are in its path.  

Take Care, Week Twelve in the No Longer New Abnormal

Posted on by
6

This past week I heard of the death of two people from my past.  I heard from three people presently who are ill, and we are all hearing about too many in our world who are in pain, who are suffering, or who have experienced significant losses.  Life is precious.  

I had a very full week.  I laughed, I cried, I stayed in to rest and reflect, I went out to celebrate.  I enjoyed wonderful music, good art, delicious food, and good friends, all while missing others who I didn’t get to see, and the few I’ll never see again. There is no right way to live in the presence of sorrow, whether personal or global.  We all must find our own way.  Yet, we can bring care and respect while navigating our challenges.  

I choose to live fully.  I tend to rest only after I have nothing left.  Others do better to dig into less energetic pursuits.  Let’s remember that we are all doing our best.  When I can, I try to take into account that there is no ill intent on the part of others.  They, too, are weighed down by life’s difficulties.  When possible, I try to have grace for others.  Though when I don’t then I try to have some grace for myself.  My hope is that we will do our best to bring care to each moment and to all we encounter.  When life is tough, when the world is hard, care can be a revolutionary act.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Give yourself grace when you’re not your best.  It’s not a pass to behave poorly, but a way of proving kindness to yourself as you learn and grow. 
  • If something doesn’t turn out the way you want, see if you can find a takeaway.  Did you learn something?  Was there an unexpected gift in it?  If so, take that in.  It may not make up for what happened, but you can still gain something from something that didn’t go as planned.  
  • Put on some music and sing along with your favorite music.  Get the lyrics online to make it easier.  It’s a stress buster to do a sing-along.  

Ahhh, Naps, The Forty-Eighth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal

Posted on by
Reply

Napping was my top priority this past week.  They were usually twenty to thirty minutes max.  They made a tremendous difference in my mood.  I was able to get through the week with a greater capacity for patience.  I had more room for the things that usually get under my skin, like loud car horns in grid lock, or the annoying overspill from packages protected with shredded paper or other messy stuffing. 

There’s nothing like a good nap.  It can be rejuvenating, especially when it’s been a long day and I’ve been short on sleep.  This past week rest was in order.  Life is full, which is wonderful, however, I need to pace myself.  Previously the learning curve has been slow going when it comes to pacing.  So, to get into a supportive pace I took naps where and when I could fit them in.  

I know I need the sleep when it’s so easy to fall asleep and I feel refreshed upon waking. For years I’ve prioritized movement over rest.  Now I’m working on finding a balance so that I am energized when in motion and I am naturally tired at the end of the day, allowing for a restful night.  Stress can interfere with sleep.  And there’s been no lack of stress for so many of us these last months and even years.  

I may not be able to control the amount of stressful circumstances that come my way, but the napping helps me to handle it better than when I’m sleep deprived.  As a moody person, I will continue to minimize the low moods by getting the naps I need.  

Self-Care Tips:

  • Close your eyes.  If it’s an easy moment, open them again and see if you can look at the surrounding space differently.  Maybe you can notice something you didn’t see before.  
  • Close your eyes.  If you automatically feel sleepy, think if you cannot do something so that you can take a short nap. 
  •  Close Your eyes.  Imagine a world in which kindness, respect and peace are everyday norms.  Then as best you can, embody those values throughout your day.   

Consciously Unconscious, The Forty-Fifth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal

Posted on by
1

I was taken off guard.   I thought I was going through present difficulties consciously.  I was meditating.  I was practicing gratitude.  I was reaching out to friends.  And, yet the combination of a dear friend dying while adjusting to Larry, my husband, having a serious injury, along with the horrific world events, had me spiral so that I made poor choices, acted impulsively, inadvertently hurt others, all while losing sleep.  My reactivity was to repeat the pattern these last two weeks.  

If I hurt you, I am very sorry. It is said that we can do better when we know better.  It would have seemed that I knew better.  I did not.  I was in a fog of denial that prolonged my suffering.  I wish I could say that I was kinder and gentler after I hurt others. Sadly that was not the case.  It was only when I was being so hard on myself that I recognized very old behavior.

There is a hubris in believing that we are immune to unconscious behavior if we’re “doing all the right things.”  Being human is a process of uncovering our unconscious parts.  It took a trifecta of stressors to have me dig deeper.  Boy, am I humbled.  

Since I am in the middle of learning what I have to learn to grow now, I have no wisdom to impart.  I suppose I can share that we don’t know what we don’t know.  I am hoping to continue the learning process so that I do know better and therefore can be better.  These present life lessons are knockouts.  I am getting up slowly to face them, hopefully with more compassion and kindness.  I need that now.  From what I’m seeing, we all need that now.  

Self-Care Tips: 

  • If you are being hard on yourself, pause.  Ask yourself what’s upsetting you?  Is hurting yourself with thoughts familiar to you?  Has it worked?  (It’s never helped me feel better.)  What can you do that includes self-compassion and kindness?  Then try it.  
  • If you find you’re very reactive, getting upset easily, understand that these times might be hard for you.  See if you can give yourself a break.  When necessary warn those around you that you’re sorry but you may get upset easily.  And when that happens take the time to repair the damage if others are amenable.
  •   Forgive yourself. We’re all human.  We can learn so much from feeling shame, ending the cycle of being mean to ourselves because we made troubling mistakes.  That is how we learn and grow. 

Happy Halloween, The Forty-Third Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal

Posted on by
Reply

Some weeks are harder than others.  Having heard from a number of people this past week was just such a week.  I can certainly include myself in that mix.  For that reason, I am going to don a virtual mask, making this a quick post, while wishing you all a Happy Halloween.  Here are some city pics of the season. 

Self-Care Tips:

  • Give yourself a break.  If things are hard, find ways to let go of the normal routines to provide the energy needed for whatever is essential.
  • Dark humor that does not hurt anyone can even help in hard times.  
  • If you celebrate, enjoy Halloween.  If you don’t celebrate, lean into JOMO, the joy of missing out.  

I am a Jewish Psychotherapist, The Forty-First Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal

Posted on by
4

Do I speak of the unspeakable?  This past week marks a tragic low in inhumane acts.  I cannot get my head around it.  As a Jewish psychotherapist I am in a similar position as I was when we faced the pandemic.  I am going through something that I am also hearing from my clients.  The sadness, along with so many other emotions, have been omnipresent this past week.  

Since there are so many experts writing and speaking about the issues surrounding the terrorist attacks, I will not even try to address it head on.  What I can speak to is how now more than ever we can attend to our mental health.  We can care for ourselves with the utmost respect.  We can be gentle and kind.  Patience is required as we may seek out numbing agents or distractions while feeling emotionally overwhelmed. 

Taking life slowly for the moment may allow for processing the pain while creating openings for the small joys of any given day.  Walks have felt particularly therapeutic to me.  I have gone to take in artwork, and I am listening to more soulful music. Rest has been mildly restorative at the end of my days and at the conclusion of my work week.  I hope you will find the people and things that comfort you.  As citizens of the world we are all impacted one way or another by this and other atrocities.    

I pray for accord and wish for every innocent person to thrive on a peaceful planet.   

Self-Care Tips:  

  • Move slowly through the world.  The movement will help with stress release, and being embodied helps locate and address your current experience.  Gentle stretching, walking in nature, dancing to music that moves you are all suggestions for your body and soul.  
  • Reach out to those you care about.  Ask how people are doing.  If you’re overloaded, no need to ask, you can simply let them know you’re thinking of them. 
  • Pray and meditate.  If you are a non-believer prayer can simply be taking in the world around you. Become acquainted with your inner and outer selves as we heal individually, and ultimately ,we heal for all humanity.  

What is Self-Care? The Fortieth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal

Posted on by
Reply

When I was growing up in suburban New Jersey I didn’t know anything about self-care.  The first experience I had that felt like self-care was when my mom treated me to a facial at Strawbridge and Clothier.  They were having a special promotion.  Although I couldn’t control my weigh, we could try to tackle my acne this one time.  

Though the focus was to improve my skin, It felt luxurious to have an aesthetician apply steam to my face followed by a facial massage then rich creams applied with gentle fingers. This was so different from the daily Strident Pads and mismatched Clearasil routine I’d become accustomed to.   

The facial came with an unexpected make-over. I was beside myself with glee as I felt pampered in a way I had never experienced.  When finished I looked much older than my fourteen years with the make-up, but I felt like a new person.  A temporarily, sophisticated young woman who got facials.  This felt like a real treat.  

But following that one Saturday, the idea of self-care remained a mere memory for decades.  Then in my thirties as I attended mental health workshops and retreats, I was reintroduced to the idea of self-care.  

Self-care is not the same for everyone.  It’s why I make suggestions rather than state that there are only certain ways to care for oneself.  For many facials are a part of their self-maintenance. For me facials will always be a self-care activity, a rare treat while on vacation.  There is a distinction between self-care and self-maintenance.  And it is different for each of us 

We all live unique lives and how we choose to spend our time can vary vastly.  I now consider meditation self-maintenance rather than self-care.  Viewing art once a week is self-maintenance for me.  Often coupled by another maintenance activity, a destination walk.  However, should I find myself in more than one museum, then the visits are self-care.  Sleep is absolutely self-maintenance.  A phone call to a friend with plenty of tears and laughter could be either self-maintenance or self-care depending on the friendship, the call’s purpose, and the timing.  

It’s not always easy to distinguish the best ways to care for ourselves.  I do believe that self-maintenance is still a form of care.   Nonetheless, whether it’s self-maintenance or self-care, it’s an active statement that we matter.  

Self-Care Tips (Or Suggestions):

  • Give a friend a call, or a text for a walk, coffee, a meet-up, or for a conversation.  Make sure it’s someone with whom it’s natural and easy.  
  • Start a savings account for something you want.  It can be as small as $1 a week, or collect change in a jar.  It all adds up if there’s a regular deposit, and it gives you something to look forward to that you earned yourself.  
  • Find a way to volunteer.  Find something you like so that it doesn’t feel like an obligation but a happy way to give to others.  The season is upon us, so there are a lot of opportunities.  

Ai Instillation, The Twenty-Eighth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal

Posted on by
1

I was tired, it was hot, and I was happy to be at MOMA, the Museum of Modern Art, on West 53rd Street.  The galleries were crowded, but I took my time enjoying new exhibitions and old favorites. After the slow perusal of four floors, I was spent.  But I still had almost an hour before our dinner reservation down the block.  

Lucky for me there’s an AI instillation that is a moving abstract representation, a curiously, animated piece, of the museum’s art collection. There are seats and cushions to view the instillation.  Fortunately I snagged a seat when a gentleman, probably my age, got up next to me.  I sat there mesmerized by this unusual data-infused screen.  

It was hypnotic.  The colors change constantly creating an unreal, but oddly familiar, explosion of hues.  It’s not quite like spattered paint, but more like a constantly morphing puff of colors that mimic what I imagine virtual clouds might look like.  It certainly held my gaze for just under an hour.  And, rather than exhaust me further, I found the piece to be uplifting.  

I was surprised that I enjoyed an AI instillation.  It may not be as inspirational as the Georgia O’Keefe exhibition on the third floor.  Nor was it as moving as the Van Goghs, or as stirring as the vast photography collection, but it held my gaze longer than even Monet’s Waterlily room.  The 24-by-24-foot instillation is called Unsupervised.  Rakif Anadol, the artist who conceived the piece, has used AI in his cutting-edge artwork for many years.  

I’ve been dismissive of AI.  I’m dubious of the impact to the arts.  But while I sat there mesmerized, I could see how AI can stand next to other modes of art.  Perhaps it can expand our minds.  Nonetheless, I will always want to go back to the fine and performing arts in which humans display their infinite creativity to uplift our souls.    

Self-Care Tips:

  • Look up an AI version of something you appreciate and see how it makes you feel.  You may be surprised how you respond. 
  • Do an art project.  It can be watercolors, a drawing, or dance to music, sing, play a piece of music.  Find a fun, creative outlet that you enjoy.  
  • Write a short thank you note to yourself for something you appreciate.  You can thank yourself for remembering something, or for your thoughtfulness.  We are told to practice gratitude, and here’s a chance to be grateful to and for yourself. 

Rest & Activity, The Twenty-Fifth Week in the Second Year of the New Abnormal

Posted on by
Reply

It was a muggy day in the city.  I went to bed late and gave myself the luxury of resting in bed yesterday morning.  There was a lot to do, but my body craved relaxation, and rather than rush to place my feet on the floor, I lingered under the sheets, enjoying the ease of a restful morning.  

I’m usually a doer.  At some point in my development I got the message that being lazy was not a good thing.  I made a point of being busy. Rather than being busy when necessary and resting when needed, I seemed intent on proving I wasn’t lazy.  However, I had ongoing  jealousy for those who enjoyed life doing less.  That seemed impossible to me.  Thankfully, post-Covid, I have come to see the value in proper rest.  

Though I still have a long way to go to unwind the belief that one must be busy, I am glad that yesterday morning I could enjoy a restful dawning of the day.  It allowed me to find the energy early in the afternoon to go on a short jog.  It’s been a year since I’ve been able to run due to a sprained ankle.  Even though I knew that long distance running was part of my past, I’m aware that I really enjoy running as an ongoing activity.  So, I put on my ankle brace along with two knee braces, and I set out to run for a mile on East End Avenue asphalt.

Asphalt is easier on the joints and fairly level, which makes for a safer run.  It felt so nice to run.  Albeit I’m slower with less energy than last year.  But it was the act of running that felt freeing.  I look forward to running again today.  Luckily, I had a great night’s sleep, so I’m well rested for today’s slow jog.  And, after that?  Maybe a nap. 

Self-Care Tips: 

  • What activity or experience is pure joy, so much so that you lose track of time?  How do you feel thinking about it?  When you have a chance, try diving into the activity.  If there isn’t an opportunity, think about it for a moment and take note of how you feel while basking in that memory. 
  • Reflect on your week and make a note of anything that went better than expected?  Are you able to have gratitude for the better-than-anticipated experience?  If so, take a moment to be with that gratitude.  
  • Check in with your body.  Do you have an abundance of energy?  If so, do something physical to optimize that energy burst.  If not, take a moment (or more, if possible) to relax, letting your body know you’re listening.